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Thread by @cricketcrocker: "Back from hiatus briefly to note that white cis men are frighteningly entitled in what they believe femme coded people owe them. This is a t […]"

19 tweets, 4 min read
Back from hiatus briefly to note that white cis men are frighteningly entitled in what they believe femme coded people owe them.

This is a thread about what just happened and I’m still shaking.
This is the current seat availability in a car (and it was 15 minutes before the train departed, and I am in the rear car, so more seats are available in every other car)
He walked up and said “move your bag?”

I said “really? This whole train and you gotta sit next to me?” (Note: in the only non-AC car)

He said “there is NOT a whole train, and yes, I do”

I started writing this thread.

He said “thanks for moving your bag”

I ignored & left bag
He said, louder, “thanks for moving your bag”

I kept ignoring him. But I could feel my heart pounding.

He said “I get to sit there if I want to”

I said “there are lots of other seats, you can sit there”

He said REALLY LOUD “THANK YOU FOR MOVING YOUR BAG”

Reader, I didn’t.
He stormed off to get the conductor.

Who told him to sit in a different seat.

And who then (cis brown man) came to me and asked me loudly why I wouldn’t move my bag for that gentleman.
I told him I didn’t feel safe sitting next to that man, and that I’d be happy to move my bag for someone else.

He demanded, loudly, that I explain to him “what that gentleman ever did to you”

I told him politely (been polite the whole time) “I’m not going to justify it to you”
He told me that my behavior wasn’t the kind he permitted on his train.

I told him he should decide if he was going to force me to sit next to the guy or not, but quit making a scene.

He said, “no I’m just asking you to move your bag. That gentleman sat down elsewhere”

(Yeah.)
Check the video again: there were multiple empty benches, and plenty of shared seating next to other cis men.

Why was he so set on making me move my bag?

The fact he wanted to make me move my bag, and then tried harder and harder to make me do it, creating a scene?

Big flag
That’s not a man who is safe for me to be next to.

That’s a man who went out of his way to play power games and create discomfort for a femme coded Brown person.

That’s a man who preferred whining to a conductor to just finding another seat.

Know what?
The fact that he didn’t swear at me, didn’t call me names, continued to use “please” and “thank you” while in actual fact doing his best to dominate me (a stranger)...

And that another cis dude called him a “gentleman”

That is what’s the scariest.
Nobody minded what he was doing.

As long as he was using the magic words of politeness, I was the bad person who had to be threatened with being thrown off the train, and forced to move my bag, just to make a point.

The point that I’m not entitled to say no.
Look again at the video.

Why didn’t the conductor say “this is a rush hour train, so if someone else asks you to move your bag, you need to do it.”

No. It was SYMBOLICALLY move your bag, or wait half an hour.

All because Entitled Elmer didn’t get to push me around.
Know what else?

In the epicenter of white liberal “believe women” dudeliness which is the rush hour commute train from Grand Central towards Connecticut...

...zero dudes spoke up for me.

Y’all “believe women” male feminists can go die in a hole.

I’m still shaking.
And what burns me up is I’m certain if I were a petite blonde woman, and said I was scared of a dude?

Everyone would’ve been like “oh ok”

If you hate this, be the person who speaks up. Embolden others, and don’t let these assholes get away with it.

Colonize my seat. I dare ya.
Epilogue:

If you’re one of the people who thinks I was in the wrong, ask yourself if your opinion changes if I were a r*pe survivor, an assault survivor, or recently attacked in a confined space?

Nobody owes you their history.
PS I’m not saying I am, but I’m not saying I’m not.

Nobody gets to say if I have the right to feel some kind of way based on their assessment of my history.
Still from video with time stamp and arrow pointing to pixelated jerk
Fun bonus: we ended up having to switch trains. And you better believe I intentionally went the wrong way out the door to keep him from being behind me during the press in Grand Central.

Check out my heartbeat (fitness tracker): Shows a spike between the time I got on the train (545pm) and it has barely dissipated before the next tiny blip (changing tracks)
In the red circle you can see a rounded peak. That’s when Scary Dude was confronting me. There’s a lil peak next to it that’s when we switched trains and I was walking.

From my heartbeat, you’d think I was biking then, rather than sitting totally still.
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Support me: I'm a solo developer! Read more about the story
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Make a small donation instead. Buy me a coffee ($5) or help for the server cost ($10):
Donate with 😘 Paypal or  Become a Patron 😍 on Patreon.com