But I'm still full of failsafes just in case things don't work out.
Spirit is not my failsafe, nor is it my go-to.
It's like fumbling through a large set of keys so I can unlock myself. That's not really a spiritual journey. That's an escape room game. And those games look stressful af.
But I can't live life thumbing through some reference manual.
I basically came out of the womb, by grace, took my first few breaths, and then was on my own journey.
"Why don't you try living my life and see how you fare! Go ahead! Let's switch places!"
I am not the all singing, all dancing crap of the world, either.
And provide not in some prosperity gospel way, but in the way I know is healthy for me? And beyond just money--but provision for my whole wellbeing?
I am stealing my own joy because of these expectations of adulthood (which societally, failing at most of them). I'm fallen short of my own expectations, too (very lofty).
But I know this is like back to the Capricorn journey. Yet as a kid, you shouldn't have these worries. Who will take care of me?
Those questions really sound like: "You are spiritually stupid. You're in the way again. You're not listening hard enough. You're just...wrong."
Well, someone is richer, and I am now more neurotic.
So, Spirit, you're the point person now. If you feel I've done more than enough, then great. I'm done.
Who is responsible?! Um, not me? I guess? Spirit, it's you, right? OK.
No more self-blame. Lots more self-compassion. -FIN-
It's just time to evolve and learn more adaptive ways of being and living that are more pro-me.