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T. Greg Doucette @greg_doucette
, 89 tweets, 23 min read Read on Twitter
If this ain't one of the whitest damn things...
So white it thinks vaccinations cause autism

So white it chants "BUILD THE WALL" but goes to Cancun for Spring Break

So white it'll survive the police but OD on fentanyl

So white it sent a DMCA takedown request on the person posting the video

Probably got a little too exotic on the DMCA tweet, let me go to bed 😂

Good night y'all 👊
So white it stands for the national anthem... in line at the concession stand getting a beer

So white it files legislation decreeing that only liquids from lactating mammals can be called "milk"

So white it uses its one phone call to call daddy and tell him to bring the checkbook for bail

I should've thought of this one tbqh 😂

So white it gets a trophy, just like everyone else who participated

So white it has a "HERITAGE NOT HATE" bumper sticker on its F150

So white it thinks it'll get a minority scholarship if it goes to an HBCU

So white it blames its racism on its medications

So white it was wearing a polo under a polo when it talked to the manager. Collars popped.

Ha. No. Those don't actually exist at public HBCUs, idk about private ones

So white it says that while already speaking to the manager

So white it throws in some racial slurs and spits on a 3-year-old, then when the cops show up it says "It's OK, I'm a firefighter"

So white it complains about gentrification, but is looking forward to moving downtown now that it's "livable"

So white it thinks Texas brisket is edible

I knew I was toeing the line with that one 😂

So white it will only visit New Orleans if it can get a hotel on Bourbon Street

So white it puts mayonnaise in everything

Additional entries are always welcome 😉

So white it brings potato salad to the cookout

So white it wants you to just get over it already, the Thirteenth Amendment abolished slavery 153 years ago gosh

So white it's going to trial, because only guilty people take plea deals


So white it lectures you on using paper plates when you'd pollute less if you'd just use the ceramic ones

So white it pronounces the D in Django

So white it keeps the airplane bottles of Gray Goose though

So white it demands to see your ID card before you use the neighborhood pool

So white it still calls it The War of Northern Aggression

So white it sends mass emails to state legislators

So white it doesn't believe in hyphens because we're all Americans here

So white it wakes up to Morning Joe

So white its boyfriend is black and he says n*gga so what's the big deal if it says it too I mean really gosh

So white it tells you to go back to where you came from

You were born in Virginia

So white it only buys groceries at Whole Foods

So white it creates MJ-vs-LBJ comparison charts

So white it writes thinkpieces about poverty at a job using unpaid interns

So white that after it calls it complains black folk are poor because they're lazy

So white it pays more than a mortgage to live in a studio apartment

So white that actually you're the racist for saying it's racist

So white that they were just youthful indiscretions anyway so it's ok

So white that it parks the pickup next to its Toyota Prius Hybrid because it wants to reduce its carbon footprint

So white it originally went viral for planking

So white it argues with @KevinMKruse about how the parties "switched"

So white it prefers Asian fusion though tbh

So white it creates a fake hashtag
So white it thinks you should be forced to take financial literacy courses before you receive unemployment benefits, but don't you dare touch its Social Security

So white it's offended you didn't call it "crew," and is really pissed you giggled when it said "coxswain"

So white it pretends to like classical music

So white it uses "literally" figuratively

So white it heard you say "this song slaps" and thought you were talking about Chris Brown

So white it calls him a "rising star" and/or "thought leader" in the retweet

So white it can tell you the name of every Wu-Tang album, but hasn't listened to any of them

(Also shoutout to the fam @Wu_Tang_Finance 👊)

So white it goes to Starbucks for the WiFi and doesn't get arrested

So white it thought McGregor could beat Mayweather

So white it argues CTE is just part of the game

(What up Larry Fedora!)

So white it says football players are ungrateful

So white it Seig Heils at the RNC Convention

So white it's mad Jamaica has a bobsled team

So white it thinks black kids wouldn't get suspended if they'd just behave

So white it's offended by "so white"

So white it's Definitely Not Mad
Notice, he heard all those racist comments at the country clubs... but kept going back.

Because he decided the social approval was more important.
So white it humblebrags about its wealth by noting all the time it spent at the country club

So white it thinks mayo is an entree instead of a condiment

So white it remarks about whether a beer tastes sufficiently hoppy

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