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Glitter Hearted @Azure_Husky
, 9 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Please please stop assuming that everyone is okay with being caled "dude" or whatever other masculine-centred "neutral" term you use. Please stop doing it on an opt-out basis where you just keep doing it until you hurt someone enough for them to ask you to stop.
I know you're one of the good ones. I know you only mean it in a congenial neutral way. I don't need to hear why. I am just telling you that it hurts me and a bunch of other transfeminine people I know.
The thing is it is very hard to tell "one of the good ones" versus people who are using it to be snidely transphobic. Especially over text. And both the "good ones" and the transphobes may claim that they meant it neutrally when called on it.
I've been out with other transfeminine people and you could FEEL us flinch when servers or cashiers referred to us as "you guys" because we were both hurt and doing the quick mental math of: have we been clocked as trans? Is this transphobia? Are we safe in this situation?
It sucks. I cannot express enough to you how frustrating it is to have this be such a common, accepted way of referring to people when you're transfeminine. Especially when asking people to stop means sitting through the 500th explanation that you think it's neutral.
I see transfeminine people upset about this on a regular basis. Like weekly if not daily. You are hurting people.

(I have met a handful of cis feminine people for whom it is also hurtful and upsetting, but I don't feel able to speak for them.)
And I'll be real: "I stop calling people 'dude' when they ask me to" isn't good enough. We shouldn't have to wait until the first time you mistender us and make us feel unsafe and then out ourselves in order to get you to stop.
"Oh I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm just going To swing my fist around until someone says to stop punching them and then I'll swing it away from them." I know y'all are capable of being better and kinder than this.
(if your instinct is to call me over-sensitive: no one is forcing you to do anything. I am sharing harm that is caused to me and others I know by this language. If you decide that doesn't matter to you, that's on you. This isn't limiting free speech, it's requesting empathy)
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