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TheGirlsLikeMe @DoreenGLM
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People have a fairytale impression of marriage, even the most intelligent people gloss over the reality of entering into a partnership that has no end date in sight.
Before we marry, our pattern of how we navigate relationships does not prepare us for what marriage expects.
We are used to getting into a relationship, and after a couple of weeks, months, years, the relationship running it's course.
We date again, meet another person we rate above others, and the process starts all over again. It ends, we begin dating again, we meet somebody
We fancy, we discover things we don't like over time, the relationship ends.
We date, we begin again, and it goes on and on, until we meet someone new and this time the relationship gets to the point where you are both ready to marry each other.
We have been conditioned to believe that there is something different about this particular relationship, something that makes it more special, and will somehow magically erase our previous habits of losing interest over time, cheating after a couple of years,
Wanting something new and fresh, feeling stuck, feeling alone, outgrowing each other, and getting bored.
We look at marriage like,
"This is my soul mate, the love is going to remain as heightened and intense as the first day we met, till the last days of our lives"
The honest truth is, it is a much higher chance that you will get to the same point of frustration, and indecision you got to in your previous relationships, in your marriage.
Over time, you may hit those familiar blocks and question if your husband/wife is really the one
And there is absolutely nothing shocking or scandalous about it, because we are humans, with a pattern that has served us well in the past. We have been used to walking away from relationships that don't serve us, the only difference this time, is the huge expectation that
Comes with being married, the expectation to try to make this one work as much as possible. Not only for yourselves, but for your children, your family and your friends.
People beat themselves up for their marriages not proceeding as perfectly and "soulmatey" as they thought.
There is nothing to beat up, it was an unrealistic expectation to have in the first place.
We are human beings, and what is familiar is what often occurs, Whitney houston didn't magically appear and bippity boppity boop, your relationship to turn it into a fairytale.
Real shit will happen, as it has done in your past relationships. As it may have already done in your relationship before you got married.
There are many people who believe that marriage changes people.
Before my cousin got married, she confessed to us that her bf at the time,
Slapped her, while having an argument in his car. It was operation Hate dat N**** for a couple of months, before he begged his way back in with a marriage proposal. I wondered why she believed he had changed, but she, like so many women, earnestly believe that marriage
Makes people different, including yourself.
We are the same people, the only difference is that we have a party and sign a document.
It is like expecting to be a totally different person, after celebrating your birthday.
My cousin married a violent man, who of course
Began beating her again after he got her comfortable in her trust in him.
They are still married today with 4 beautiful children.

Don't let the societies conditioning of marriage as a perfect relationship, get you dreaming that all it takes to achieve that, is marriage.
So many people had much better relationships with their previous exes, than with their current spouses.

The point I am trying to get to is, don't be hard on yourself if your marriage does not go perfectly after a while, it is normal and it makes total sense, considering reality.
It is on you and your spouse to not automatically assume that rough patches must signify doom because you wrongly assumed that it would be flowers blooming everyday.
It is on you both to decide if the relationship is worth putting in effort and worth communicating what you need.
And it is on you both to realize that you owe no one staying together, if it gets to a point where you know there is nothing left for you there.
People outgrowing each other, doesn't change because you had a party and signed a document. That is reality.
We put made up rules on
Inescapable reality, and wonder why so many spouses feeling trapped grow to HATE each other, to even the point of violence.
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