Why seeing the old versions of people will make you miss out on new blessings.
I talk about stuff like this on my email list that you can subscribe to here 👉🏾 bit.ly/LoAEmailList
Myself included. I’m pretty fucking stubborn so if I can do this, you certainly can too.
We have a lot of emotional stuff floating around that clouds our vision and our judgement.
We’re so scared of being wrong that we cling to anything that makes us right. I used to be super bad at this and I had such a slick mouth,
I could convince people that they were wrong when I was wrong 😂😂😂
Not insecure like I used to be.
Anyway, in our quest to be right and slay the dragon of wrongs, we can often become blind to what we think were trying to fight.
This is pitfall numero uno because it turns you into a *victim*.
Fucking life changing. Can’t recommend this book enough.
Well it talked about how we often will see others through certain eyes because we want to justify our own actions.
“I did *this* so this person should have *this* done by the time I get home.”
“I don’t understand why you haven’t done *this* when I do *this* all of the time.”
In your attempt to justify why something should be done,
you demonize the other person that should’ve done it in order to make your decision to not do it right.
In other words, you blame the other person’s inaction for your same inaction.
Especially when the person doesn’t show a history of neglecting certain things.
You’re making yourself a victim of their inaction to make your self feel better about your actions.
You’re choosing to see another person as less than because you want to feel right.
And that is an excellent way to miss your blessings.
The example given in the book was of a younger married couple.
Husband walks through the door,
House is a mess
Husband starts griping about the house being dirty internally basically saying I go to work all day to provide for us and I have to come home to this shit 😂😂😂.
Now this is a valid gripe wit no context.
Sometimes it’s your wife is lazy as fuck.
Sometimes it’s both of the kids are sick, you had an unexpected phone call, and you’re trying to cook dinner at the same time.
He wanted to be a victim so he’d have something to bitch about.
He saw his wife and kids as a burden, not the people that looked up to him and depended on him.
“I go to work all day and come home to a dirty house. You don’t even work, why is the house dirty?”
So if you come home and shits fucked up around the crib,
The logical thing to do is to just clean it up because it’s dirty right?
Everything else that you put on top of that is extra.
In that extraness, you have an opportunity to assume several things.
2) wife is lazy as fuck so I’ll do it and not be happy about it
3) wife is lazy as fuck so I won’t do it and make her do it later
Let’s stop here for a second.
Because both parties are gonna be charged up at some point. And if if the wife wants to apologize, she’s not going to because she feels attacked.
Victimhood party for everybody. Nothing gets solved.
Assuming the highest form of someone else gives them benefit of the doubt and makes it much more likely that they will not only apologize,
But compensate for it in the future.
You know why?
Because people like to feel appreciated.
Intentionally wanting to see someone as wrong or as something different than what they are in that moment has dire consequences for the people close to you.
When I was living with my parents earlier this year,
I remember having this conversation with my dad while I was reading this book.
In the convo he said “Tanei you said something to me one day that hurt my feelings so bad.”
I’m shocked 😂😂😂
“While You were in Knoxville, you came home one day and said ‘don’t try to claim me now that I’m getting this PhD.’”
“Nahhhhhh there’s no way I said that. Are you sure??”
(Cuz my dad is awesome id never say something this fucked Up 😎)
What made me say that to him out loud? Like I obviously don’t feel that way about him because I’m here now. What the fuck was I going through back then??
So quick backstory,
I didn’t always grow up with my dad.
When I finally started staying with him, he was a hardass.
Throughout my high school years, he hated my friends 😂😂😂 cuz most of em were dirt bags in hindsight.
It was like nothing I could do was good enough. He was always in my face about dumb shit and I just generally hated being there.
I was ready to leave again.
Anyhow my dad was super judgmental of me because he felt embarrassed by me failing out of college the first time because everybody placed the high ass expectations on me that
I. Didn’t. Want.
So I grew this chip on my shoulder towards my family because they kept wanting me to do shit that I didn’t wanna do because I’m definitely the smartest one in our family.
Everybody had all these high hopes for me. Tryna live vicariously.
Part of it was to stunt and flex on people.
And part of it was because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do something hard without anybody else. Family included.
I was so blinded by my anger toward them, pop especially.
At the same time, I had a million expectations placed on me.
Where they do that at???
Even when I first came back home I didn’t really want to because I still felt the same way at first.
It wasn’t until I sat down and realized the part that I played that things changed
I also realized that I wanted to feel more important than I actually was because I was insecure.
I got smart so I wouldn’t be poor.
I blamed my parents for that.
When all I really had to do was just be myself and be happy.
Because I was insecure, I saw others through a lens of insecurity.
And they acted accordingly.
All because I wanted to be a victim.
So what did I do?
I set myself free.
I forgave myself first and foremost for wanting to be angry.
My family is mine and I’m none the wiser or better off for comparing them to anyone else. I chose to come here into this body and this family.
Can’t complaint now 😂😂😂
He did the best he could.
And when I realized that, i felt this rush of energy and the world just became, for lack of better words:
At the very least, it would at least make them consider something different.
At worst, the people that weren’t ready would just vibrate right on outta here.
Either way I’m good.
Because it literally saved my life.
I’m no sucker, but I do give you a clean slate to work with everyday.
If you keep showing me the same thing, I assume that’s who you are just at the core. And that’s ok
It just may not be a match 4 me
I can’t imagine cutting my dad off now even though we share a rough past together.
Because I see him for who he is now.
And when I changed, I could see his.
I’m always willing to give people another chance if I can tell they’re actively practicing.
Because my dad didn’t give up on me no matter how much of a little shit I was 😂😂😂
So I won’t hold your past against you.
You’ll never become who you’re supposed to be.
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