Will there ever be a time when women aren’t responsible for men’s actions? When we aren’t expected to support the men around us, no matter how little support we get from them? When we aren’t responsible for rehabilitating our own fucking abusers?
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/1034416437648084992
Spoiler alert: no. It would require some level of personal responsibility.
It would require some men to admit to themselves “I really fucked up. I hurt people, and I don’t deserve the money and fame that I earned while abusing vulnerable people around me. It’s time for me to leave this career behind. I don’t deserve a come back.”
It would require the hundreds of men that rush to the defense of every man who’s been accused, because they fear their own actions make them guilty of the same, to do some soul-searching and realize they need to change. And they probably have quite a few apologies to make.
But all of that’s hard. It’s painful. It’s much easier just to lay low for a few months or even a few years, then make a quiet come back. No self examination required, no guilt. It makes it really easy to live with your actions, doesn’t it? You’re basically a victim yourself...
People will write articles about it; he’s learned his lesson! Everyone deserves a second chance! Maybe we judged him too harshly, after all he wasn’t the worst offender...
But you know it doesn’t get a redemption arc in all of this? Who doesn’t get to go away quietly, then come out on top again when the time is right? The abused.
No. That’s not their story. They get harassed on social media for months, even years. They get labeled as “difficult” in their work, they miss out on promotions and opportunities, some end up leaving their industry altogether. Their names become synonymous with their abusers.
And eventually they become the least important part in all of this. Years from now, this is a footnote in the articles that go on to talk about the incredible second half of his career. They probably won’t even be named, it’ll be a sentence or two buried in an article, a blip.
And young women and men are watching this, they’re seeing who comes out on top. Who wins, and who loses. And inevitably, when they go on to victimize or become victims themselves, they’ll know exactly how it’s going to play out.
They’ll know they shouldn’t say anything, that the penalties for accusing are often harsher than the penalties faced by the accused. They’ll know if they are accused, just sit back and let strangers attack the character of their accusers, until it’s time to resurface.
The cycle continues, and the fault lies with us.
@threadreaderapp unroll
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
