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toni // taekook au @taexggukk
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Taekook au where best friends and band mates Taehyung and Jeongguk watch the stars one night and talk about love. Some things were left unspoken and Tae finally thinks his feelings might be reciprocated but a few days later Jeongguk introduces everyone to his new girlfriend
um i’d be happy to write it even though it’s my first au but let me know is someone’s already done this so people don’t attack me
im still lost on what to do so do i
i’m starting this au on monday. what to expect:

~ canon au
~ angst
~ fluff
~ pining
~ maybe some crack
~ i don’t think it will be super long but we’ll see
~ social media/text au but i will also write a good portion of it in tweets
time stamps don’t matter im way too lazy for that shit and also QUOTE DON’T REPLY to the tweets bc istg if my thread breaks im not making a new one thANKS
profiles pt.1
profiles pt.2
profiles pt.3
When Jeongguk first came ti Seoul he was shy. When he met some of his new hyungs he was shy. How else is a 14 year old supposed to react to strangers in a strange place. Slowly he started adjusting to everything and everyone but he always felt like a kid
Yes, his hyungs were nice to him, but he was still just a kid to them. It was nothing bad honestly, people had it worse, but the second he saw their last “member to be” walk in to their dorm everything changed. At first he wasn’t too fond of the boy.
Usually everyone would just let him be, nobody pushed him to speak or participate in anything, but Taehyung made it seem like it was his mission to drag the younger boy into the world. After those few months with Taehyung he could easily call him his best friend.
Ever since then it’s always been Jeongguk and Taehyung or Taehyung and Jeongguk and everybody knew that. Jeongguk felt at ease with the boy, felt understood and not alone. Whenever he would miss his family he knew he had a shoulder to cry on, whenever things got too much he knew-
-he had warm arms waiting to hug him. He felt like he was supposed to meet and connect with this boy. Taehyung felt the same way. Oh boy he did but it was a little different.
Taehyung couldn’t get those big doe eyes out of his head, the sound of that laugh and the look in the younger boy’s eyes was all he thought about, so at that young age Taehyung was confused. Call him an indecisive teenager, he doesn’t care, but what he did care about was Jeongguk
After some time they became adults, he couldn’t blame it on the hormones anymore, he had to accept it and live with it even if it’s in secret. He’s not sure if anyone else is onto him but he’s trying his best to hide it.
After 5 years the fans have a pretty good idea about their relationship and what it’s like so he would be lying if he said he minds how much their fans love them together. It gives him hope, he feels supported in a way.
Call him crazy if you will but he wouldn’t give up their friendship for anything. He’s decided he will die alone, his heart belonging to Jeongguk, his best friend. That’s it, that’s all there is to it and he is content.
Does he wish for more? Of course, every day he wishes that instead of a side hug he could wrap his arms tight around Jeongguk and give him a soft kiss, but those are just wishes..
So today when Jeongguk asks Tae to stay behind with him at the studio he doesn’t hesitate to say yes, no matter how tired may be, he knows Jeongguk hates staying alone at the studio at night.
So he sits there half asleep while Jeongguk finishes up his choreography snd they go home together to cuddle and sleep. But nobody has to know Tae wanted Jeongguk to turn around in his arms and give him a goodnight kiss.
Today they all have dance practice, nothing unusual since their comeback is in a few months so they can take everything slow. Taehyung woke up alone and very confused. He checked his phone for messages but saw none so he texted Jeongguk himself.
Jeongguk left the food on the counter and brought Tae’s food to his room. Tae’s eyes lit up when he saw Jeongguk carrying 3 doughnuts and hot coco to his bed.
“There you go hyung” he carefully placed them on Taehyung’s bedside table. “Oh my god thank you Gukkie i was starving” “Why did you wait for me then you should have ate” “Nah, i knew you’d bring me doughnuts”, he sweetly smiled and-
- stuffed his cheeks with the chocolate bagel he waited and hour for. Jeongguk just smiled and looked at Tae while he was eating. His cheeks look like a little squirrel’s. ‘cute’ Jeongguk thought.
“Gukk could you please go get me a napkin or something i’m making a mess” “Yea, yea sure” Jeongguk got up and went downstairs a bit too fast but it’s okay, TaeTae hyung asked him to.
Practice goes well as always, nothing spectacular they’re all tired and just wanna shower so while everyone is practicing their solo choreographies Jeongguk leaves and heads to the roof for some air. He danced first so now he’s free for at least 2 hours.
What Jeongguk didn’t notice was how amazed Tae was while he danced. Taehyung looked at him as if he’s the only person able to pull those moves, like he felt the song and made Tae feel it as well... which he did.
But even though Taehyung stares at him pretty often he missed the younger boy leaving the room. So after he finishes his practice he finds his phone in his bag and shoots him a quick text
If Jeongguk noticed Tae ran two steps at a time to the roof he doesn’t comment on it. He hears the heavy breathing and the sound of the door closing in the distance. It took Taehyung a moment to find Jeongguk in the darkness.
He saw the boy lying down with his eyes closed enjoying the light breeze and the sound of cars driving by. Taehyung plopped down on him, resting his head on Jeongguk’s stomach.
“Ow hyung! You could’ve at least warned me.” Jeongguk tried to sound mad but he said everything while laughing, Taehyung’s giggles joined in soon after. “It’s fine, I’ll lay down on the ground, it’s softer than your stomach anyways” Tae giggled and poked Gguk’s hard stomach-
-before plopping down next to him. The whole time Jeongguk kept his eyes closed. They lied in silence for a few minutes. Tae was looking at the sky, the stars were indeed really pretty tonight. For a second there Taehyung thought Jeongguk fell asleep-
-so he poked his ribs and Jeongguk squirmed. “Whatcha thinking about Gguk?” Gguk hummed back to his question. After another few moments of silence he answered. “A lot” he replied with a heavy voice.
“Well be careful we don’t want you hurt yourself now don’t we?” Taehyung teased and brought a little smile to Jeongguk’s lips. God he loved that smile and those lips.
“Stop hyung, I’m trying to be serious.” He whined with a little pout and it took Taehyung everything in him not to kiss that pout away. “Okay okay I’ll be serious, hyung can be serious” he pulled a straight face and laid back down.
He closed his eyes as well this time but now for long. “Can I ask you something hyung?”, Jeongguk’s question startled him and his eyes shot open. He turned his head towards Jeongguk “Shoot”
“But promise you won’t make fun of me” Gguk said side eyeing him

“I won’t come on”. Jeongguk turned his head fully to face Taehyung and opened his eyes, a worried look in them.

“Have you ever been in love hyung?”
Taehyung’s breath hitched at the question. What was he supposed to do? Lie to him? Be honest? Risk it? He took a deep breath before answering..

“Yea kook, i have” he admitted with a sad look in his eyes.
Jeongguk’s eyes widened and he made himself comfortable facing his best friend

“Oh my god really? What’s it like?” a light smile graced his face. Taehyung wished he could return the smile but he just gives a sad one back.

“It’s... a lot kook, loving someone is a lot..”
“What do you mean?” his eyebrows furrowed and his forehead crinkled and Tae’s heart swelled at the sight.

“Loving someone, Jeongguk, can be exhausting to be honest, but then you have these moments where everything seems worth it.
Like the way they do things their way or just by having them by your side makes you realize how lucky you are, how you wouldn’t give your heart to anyone else but them. Of course there’s the shitty part where all you wanna do is hold them and
kiss them and tell them everything even though you can’t but those small moments make everything worth it. They make the suffering worth it no matter how insignificant the moment is to them.” Taehyung finishes off with tears in his eyes becuase god dammit he’s not gonna cry now.
He’s accepted this already more than a year ago it shouldn’t effect him this much but the way Jeongguk looks at him gives him hope.

“Oh god don’t cry hyung” Gguk wipes one of the stray tears Tae hasn’t even noticed falling.
“I’m sorry Gguk, I just never described it like that or at loud at all” They quietly laugh and link their hands together.

“It sounds painful hyung”

“Nah, you get used to it.-
- You hold on to hope that some day they will love you back and you’ll have a chance at happiness” Jeongguk frowns at that and seems to hesitate to say his next words.
Taehyung doesn’t know what he was expecting but he sure wasn’t expecting Gguk to be so blunt about it.

“Do they love you back hyung?”
Tae’s head shot up, not prepared for the question. He considered all of the possible things he could tell Jeongguk. He never liked lying to the maknae so he did his best to avoid the truth without revealing anything.
“I really don’t know Kook, I doubt it tho”

“What? Why? Are they insane? Who wouldn’t love you? Do they know how much love you hold for them?” Jeongguk looked genuinely offended at that and tightened his grip on Taehyung’s hand as if that would protect him, he-
-didn’t know it just shattered his heart more.

“I like to think they do, but you can never be too sure. I can’t exactly tell them for obvious reasons and they haven’t really shown it themselves so i don’t know Kook.” He seemed sad, Taehyung thought..
He seemed sadder than he was supposed to be and that left Taehyung confused

“How can someone not love you hyung? Look at you! You’re so handsome! And you sing well too, and know how to dress well and you’re funny and so smart and so nice.. they’d be a fool to not love you back.”
Tears welled up in Taehyung’s eyes again. He squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them back up he saw how intensely Jeongguk was looking at him.

“Thank you, Kook” he quietly said, not daring to look somewhere else.
He swears on everything it was Jeongguk who started leaning in first, he swears he saw Jeongguk’s eyes briefly look at his lips, he swears he heard him take a deep breath and he swears he could feel him exhaling that same breath oh so close to his lips.
He on the other hand froze and was hoping for the best. The second he started to lean in though, his phone loudly went off and scared both of them.
Jeongguk quickly flew back, awkwardly looking around.

“You should check that” he said, voice hoarse and quiet. Taehyung took his phone out mentally cursing whoever texted him.
“We gotta head down the car’s waiting”

“They’re already finished?”

“Yea I guess they finished early since it’s so late. Come on let’s go”
At that Taehyung helped Jeongguk up and they left in silence.
They sat together in the car and Taehyung was pretty content with everything. He could just be going insane but he thinks this means something. It means Jeongguk is attracted to him as well, he’s not the only one suffering in silence.
A small smile creeps up his face and stays there for a while. It only leaves once he’s comfy in his bed, deep asleep.
The next day was pretty weird to say the least. It was completely different from what Taehyung was expecting. He went to sleep thinking he was finally going somewhere with Jeongguk and that his feelings were returned.
He was excited for what’s to come, but after he realized Jeongguk wouldn’t even look him in the eyes, his spirit deflated. To be fair Jeongguk was quiet last night as well, but Tae wrote it off as him being tired.
This went on for a couple of days and the other members started to notice as well. Hell it was obvious how the only person that didn’t return Taehyung’s “good morning” was Kook, how nobody heard them play games together late at night, how the second the-
-possibility of them being alone in one room happened, Kook would rush out. It wasn’t effecting their team work that much but the tension in the house was obvious. The worst part? Taehyung blamed himself.
tae messages kook
Taehyung feels like he’s been confused a lot the past few weeks. Did he make it all up? Is he finally going insane from all the pining? Was he the one that leaned in and made everything awkward? Oh wait, he doesn’t even know if that moment happened in the first place..
At least they’re on good terms now and the others don’t have to suffer because of them. He puts his phone down with a heavy heart and a million thoughts running through his head. And for the first time ever, he tears up because he fell in love..
Things get back to normal more or less. Jeongguk never mentions the night and Tae loses hope. He’ll always to cling onto a little part of it but he thinks it would be a lot smarter to just give up.
He begins to stay longer at practice and fill his schedule more, just to stay busy, to not be around him. He’s very aware that he’s doing the same thing Gguk did that made the members question everything, but being the brilliant actor he is- nobody suspects a thing.
It’s one night that he stays extra longer. It’s not exactly late yet so he figures Hoseok will be able to drop by again to help him with some stuff. He stops the music on his phone that was connected to a speaker and quickly finds the contact he was looking for.
- “hello?”
- “Hyung!I need your help on something, I’m still at the studio..”
- “is it urgent?”
- “Um, no, but I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible so i can continue with the rest. Are you busy right now?”
- “kinda, we’re just about to have dinner”
- “We can eat after this if you want. I haven’t eaten yet”
- “um, you were kinda supposed to be here.. remember when Gguk asked us to be home Friday night for dinner?”
- “Oh my god I completely forgot! Is it anything important? I’m sure you’ll survive without me there.”
- “i think it’s pretty important to him”
- “Why? We have dinner together all the time.”
- “he brought his girlfriend tonight though, wanted everyone to officially meet her”
Did he hear that right? Taehyung physically felt his heart sink at Hoseok’s words. The boy he’s been in love with for the past three years has now brought a girl home, to introduce her to his fellow band members.
Because that’s normal, that’s what’s expected of you, not to fall in love with your band mate but to introduce your girlfriend to him. His heart clenched, tears slowly started rolling down his cheeks and he was doing his best to hold back a sob. How could he be so fucking stupid?
He honestly wanted to laugh at himself for thinking he ever stood a chance. That little thread of hope he was holding onto has finally snapped. He the remembered Hoseok was still on the other side of the phone waiting for his response.
- “taehyungie? you still there?”
- “Yea, sorry hyung i just thought of something. So Kook brought home a girl huh?”
- “yea he did, she’s a fellow idol so you probably know her but i think she should introduce herself to you personally. raincheck on the choreo help tho?”
- “Yea sure hyung, whenever you’re available. I should head home then, while she’s still there.”
- “i think she’ll be for another few hours since we haven’t eaten yet so i’m sure you’ll get to meet her. kook will be happy”
- “That’s what matters the most right?-
- I’ll see you at home hyung”
- “okay taetae goodbye”
- “Bye”

He pressed “end call” with a shaky finger and even with his vision blurry he managed to type out a message
jimin = comfort
Taehyung gathered his things and walked home. He decided it would be smarter to walk there and clear his head, get rid of all of the emotions and suck it up. He’ll survive one night right? He arrived in front of the dorm and dreaded climbing up.
Each step he took felt heavier. He took a deep breath before unlocking the door and stepping in. While he was taking his shoes off he heard loud talking in the living room, but nobody heard him come in. He put his slippers on and slowly walked into the spacious room.
Everyone was sitting down, but he immediately noticed the girl whose back was facing him, her long washed out pink/reddish hair wavy and pretty on display and the oh so familiar head of black hair sitting next to her.
Seokjin was the first to notice Taehyung’s arrival and of course he let everyone know.

“Taehyungie! Our Taehyungie is here finally!” And if you asked Taehyung whose head turned the fastest, he would have no clue.
Of course the first person Taehyung locked eyes with was Jeongguk. The silence didn’t last long before Taehyung muttered a little “hello” and politely bowed. Only Jeongguk and the girl stood up and Taehyung was in awe.
I mean the girl’s an idol, but Taehyung didn’t know she would be this pretty. Her face was small and her cheeks big. She had a squirrel like smile from what Taehyung gathered and he thought how perfect it fit with Jeongguk’s bunny one.
“Taehyungie hyung this is Rosé, my girlfriend!” Jeongguk was the first to speak and Taehyung didn’t know it would hurt so much to hear it from Jeongguk himself. The girl shyly put her hand out for Taehyung to shake and when he did she bowed.
“It’s so nice to meet you Taehyung-ssi. I’m Rosé like Gukkie said but you can call me Chaeyoung”, God Taehyung was hoping for her to be some stuck up bitch but she’s so nice and pretty it’s hard to hate her.
Meanwhile Jeongguk was all smiles and giggles looking at her and it hurt so much. It hurt to see that and think how you’ll never have it.

“It’s nice to meet you too” he offered her a small smile -
“but excuse me please, I have to leave my stuff in my room I just came from practice”

“Oh, of course hyung! Join us when you’re done.” and with that Taehyung bolted as fast as he could to his room.
He closed the door and put his bag down. “Fuck” he whispered while putting his clothes to the laundry basket. He was going through his closet to find something to change into when the door opened.
His head peeked out to check who it was and he let out a breath of relief when he saw Jimin peeking in as well. Jimin’s eyes softened the second their eyes met and he opened his arms inviting Taehyung for a hug.
Taehyung did exactly that, he dropped everything and ran to his forever favorite pair of arms.

“Taetae baby” Jimin whispered while stroking his head even though Taehyung is noticeably taller.

“I’m fine Minnie”
Taehyung pulled back so Jimin could see his face and gave him a small but genuine smile.

“You always say that Tae”

“Well it’s true..”

“It’s not and you know it. It’s okay to be hurt, I can see that you’re hurt and that’s completely fine”
Jimin held his face in his small hands and Taehyung smiled again.

“I know, but please stop I can’t cry right now, we have all night for that” At that Jimin hugged him again even tighter.

“Now get dressed I’m saving you a spot next to me so you don’t suffer as much”
He kissed his cheek and walked out while Taehyung returned to his closet to search for a simple shirt, but presentable enough for their special guest.
After a few minutes, and a few more splashes of water to calm down, Taehyung finally made his way to the living room. Just like Jimin promised, there was an empty space next to him on the couch right opposite of Jeongguk and Chaeyoung.
Taehyung didn’t say anything since he didn’t want to interrupt the conversation going on so he just quietly sat down.

“Oh hyung you’re back! You missed Chae’s story a minute ago. She’s from Australia how cool is that!?”
Jeongguk was way too enthusiastic and everyone noticed it but didn’t comment. He seemed to like the girl so they didn’t want to embarrass him.

“Oh really? How was it living there?” he gave a fake smile and acted so well, even Jimin could’ve been fooled .
“It’s definitely different than it is here, but it’s so pretty I often miss home.” fucking bitch was so nice, why does Gguk have such good taste fuck.

“She’s also fluent in English. You know i find people who speak English so cool!”
Taehyung just kept nodding his head hoping Gguk would tone it down a bit because 1) it’s hurting his ears and 2) making him regret avoiding all of those English classes.

“Thank you Gukkie. I should get going babe it’s kinda late”

“Oh, I’ll walk you down hold on..”
They both got up and put their shoes and jackets on. Of course before they left, being a well mannered and nice girl she is, Chaeyoung thanked everyone for welcoming her so warmly and said how nice it was to meet everyone.
At this point Taehyung just wanted her to hurry up and leave already so he can finally have that breakdown he’s been holding in for the last 3 hours. She waved again and left the apartment after 2 minutes.
The boys started cleaning up, but Taehyung couldn’t find it in himself to even move, so he just rested his head on Jimin’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“Hey Taehyung don’t just lay there!” Seokjin yelled from the kitchen but before Taehyung could answer Jimin did.
“He’s not feeling well hyung, we’re going to bed!” He yelled back because that’s what they do in this house.

“Okay then, I’m sorry Taetae feel better soon!”

“Thank you hyung now please stop yelling” he smiled and felt Jimin grip his waist and help him up.
They walked in silence and parted ways to each of their rooms so they could get dressed for bed.

“You okay bub?” Jimin softly asked when he peeked in and saw Taehyung sitting on his bed staring at nothing. But that snapped him out of his thoughts-
-and he nodded his head in silence with a sad face. Jimin went up to him and crouched down so he could hug him tightly.

“Can you please stay Minnie?”Tae softly asked, voice almost breaking, choked on tears. Jimin pulled back slowly, arms still around Tae’s neck.
“I’ll always stay with you Tae.”
So that’s how they end up in Tae’s bed, tangled together, Taehyung gripping Jimin’s waist so tightly while he cried and cried and cried for god knows how long. He told Jimin everything and he just listened while he stroked his hair.
Jimin didn’t judge, Jimin didn’t make any snarky moments, Jimin didn’t complain about the tear and snot stains all over his shirt. Instead he gripped Tae even tighter and wiped his tears here and there.
Whenever they would hear someone coming they would act asleep and Tae would hide his face so nobody suspect anything from his read and semi tear dried face.
They managed to pull it off every time.. and if one of the times the door opened because Jeongguk was checking in on him... Well, that’s only for Jeongguk to know.
After that lil festive event, things don’t go as Taehyung hoped. They start avoiding each other again but it’s more Taehyung’s doing this time. It’s not his fault all Jeongguk talks about is “Chaeyoung said this” “Chae-
did that” “Isn’t she so cute” and Taehyung always secretly rolls his eyes. The members weren’t thrilled about hearing everything she does either but they just assumed it was the honeymoon phase and that it will pass soon enough.
Taehyung couldn’t wait for it to pass so he just stuck with Jimin. Nobody questioned it since they were always close anyways but Jeongguk’s smile always faltered.
they fight
After that small but significant fight they barely talk at all. Taehyung sees Jeongguk and Chaeyoung together rarely since she can’t visit much but he assumes that every night Jeongguk comes home late with messy hair, it’s from a hangout with her.
Taehyung finally tries to accept it. He is coming to terms with the fact that his very straight (now semi) best friend and bandmate who has a girlfriend does not and never will have feelings for him. He wants to move on, he really does but how is he supposed to do that when-
the younger boy is always cute smiles and giggles. He pretends it doesn’t hurt. The way Jeongguk acts like everything is fine when they haven’t said a word to each other in two weeks. He doesn’t hate him though. He never will.
He’s pretty sure his heart belongs to that boy and always will but sometime’s things don’t work out and his heart doesn’t belong back to Taehyung.
But when has luck ever been on Taehyung’s side? Just when he thought Jeongguk let it go and they lost everything, the maknae comes back. He never really was the one to give up so Taehyung shouldn’t be surprised.
So when he hears a knock on his door at 2am and Jeongguk comes in, he thinks he should’ve acted asleep.
“Hyung? Are you awake?”

The room was dark so technically he still could’ve acted asleep. He froze in his bed and closed his eyes tightly still thinking of what he should do.
After roughly 30 seconds of silence he gives in. It’s because he wants to not because he heard the younger’s disappointed sigh that went right to his fragile heart.

“Yes” his voice was rough and it startled Jeongguk
“Can we.. um.. talk?” Jeongguk softly asked whole fidgeting but Taehyung couldn’t see it as he was facing the wall

“Isn’t that all we’ve been doing lately? Having these so called talks?”

“That’s kinda what I wanted to talk about” Jeongguk desperately says-
-while slowly walking to Taehyung’s bed, not sure if he can sit down

“Talk then”

“Why are you being like that”

“Like what?”
“Cold. If you don’t wanna talk just say so and I’ll leave, I’m not forcing you into anything. Plus I don’t even wanna talk if you’re gonna be this way”

“You can leave then if your plan was to yell at me”

“I’m not yelling Taehyung I’m trying to have a serious conversation-
-and you’re acting like a child.”

“I’m acting like a child when you don’t even know your manners and call me only by my name”

“Since when do you care if I call you hyung”

“Since you started being a dick”
“The fuck did I do?”

“Nothing, you’re an angel. Now leave.” Taehyung was still laying down facing the wall while Gguk sat on the edge of his bed behind him. He was thankful for his position because then Jeongguk couldn’t see the tears welling up in his eyes.
“I’m not just gonna leave, I’m not a child like you. Tell me what I did wrong, tell me why you’re avoiding me and why you’re being like this.”

“Fuck you Taehyung, you know that. Don’t mop around the house looking all dejected as if it’s my fault when I clearly tried to work this out”

“I TOLD YOU, YOU DID NOTHING JEONGGUK!” Taehyung finally got up and faced the younger while yelling. It wasn’t that late but at least-
-one of the hyungs was probably sleeping and Taehyung was loud when he was mad

-NOTHING AGAINST YOU AND WE ARE PERFECTLY FINE AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED NOW LEAVE.” he ended it while breathing heavily, a few tears that managed to escape to his cheeks. He prayed that Jeongguk couldn’t see them in the dark but he’s sure he heard them in his voice.
“Hyung if i leave I’m done.” Jeongguk quietly said, voice breathy and shaky. Just like Taehyung hoped Jeongguk couldn’t see him, the same thing was going through Jeongguk’s head. Taehyung didn’t think much of Jeongguk’s sentence.
They’re bandmates, they live together, he can’t exactly disappear and never see him again. That was the reason Taehyung turned his back toward Jeongguk in hopes of finally getting some away time from the younger. Time to get over him, time to move on for real this time.
But he still could not see Jeongguk’s face and his whole body shaking.

“Hyung.. please..” Jeongguk choked on his words while sniffling and finally breaking his walls down.
Holding onto a little bit of hope that Taehyung turns around and they go back to how amazing things were. Go back to stargazing on the cold roof of their company building and late night anime marathons.

“I’m sorry”
Those were the last words he whispered before he left the room. Taehyung kept calm, squeezing his eyes and fists, while the other was in the room. But the second the door clicked shut he broke down to loud sobs. So loud that he couldn’t hear the ones on the other side of the door
so the whole thing disappeared and im gonna break someone’s arm at this point so what should i do (i still have everything written down)
// my thread broke and everything went to shit so um vote in the poll of my pinned tweet and write in my cc thats in my bio im gonne fucking kermit thank you for reading i dont even wanna continue at this point im so pissed
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