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Lara Schwartz @Lara_Schwartz
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1 The @NYTimes #anonymous op-ed, annotated.
"We want the administration to succeed." Trump is useful to us. We think an unhinged, racist, sexist, p-grabbing president is a small price to pay...to have a smaller price to pay the IRS.
nyti.ms/2CyF3Jh
2 "and think that many of its policies have already made America safer and more prosperous." Suck it, polar bears (see more on "deregulation" below).
3 "the president continues to act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our republic." ...except that America is safer and more prosperous now. Hold the phone- is this even about policy???
4 "The root of the problem is the president’s amorality." But as we mentioned, the country is safer and more prosperous. So when I say "amorality," I don't mean denigrating transgender service members to score cheap political points or letting polluters run the EPA.
5 "Although he was elected as a Republican, the president shows little affinity for ideals long espoused by conservatives: free minds, free markets and free people." We Defenders of the Realm love #Kavanaugh but hate tariffs.
6 "In addition to his mass-marketing of the notion that the press is the “enemy of the people,” President Trump’s impulses are generally anti-trade and anti-democratic." Goddamit even the Black president was more pro-trade than this guy. #Kavanaugh is dreamy, though.
7 "Don’t get me wrong. There are bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture: effective deregulation" Corporate fraudsters, cheats, wage thieves, and polluters are running things again.
8 " historic tax reform" Look. I'm a high-ranking Republican from a gentler time (see civil discourse, below). I've got manners but more importantly, I've got money. And I can tell you that I and everyone in my platinum bubble has even more money now. And it's fucking awesome.
9 Excuse me. I had to change my shirt after that "historic tax reform line. Is it still hot in here? Damn.
"a more robust military" Except transgender people, because we do need to fire up the base and you can't blame Mexicans for *everything.*
10 "But these successes have come despite — not because of — the president’s leadership style, which is impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective."
I'm old enough to remember when we knew how to destroy the planet and gut civil rights politely (in Brooks Brothers).
11 "senior officials will privately admit their daily disbelief at the commander in chief’s comments and actions." Privately, because if they spoke out publicly, the American people would want to do something about it. And the American people can't be trusted (only Russia can).
12 "Most are working to insulate their operations from his whims." Unelected officials who are on the public payroll but too chickenshit to speak up and be counted think of this White House as *their* project.
(Ed note: at least Trump was elected, after a fashion)
13 "his impulsiveness results in half-baked, ill-informed and occasionally reckless decisions that have to be walked back." FYI nobody walked back the kids in cages thing. Because that was actually fully baked.
14 "“There is literally no telling whether he might change his mind from one minute to the next,” I mean, we *know* payday lenders, for-profit "colleges," polluters, wage thieves, and fraudsters are in charge but it's like - whoa- by lunch I'm like 'when's it wine o clock?'
15 "The erratic behavior would be more concerning if it weren’t for unsung heroes in and around the White House."
Fuck democracy.
16 "Some of his aides have been cast as villains by the media." Just cuz they're part of the whole sell-country-to-Russia-scapegoat-immigrants-lock-kids-in-cages-destroy-planet-deny-women's-rights-to-their-own-bodies-kick-out-trans-soldiers-sell-national-monuments-to-Exxon thing.
17 ". But in private, they have gone to great lengths to keep bad decisions contained to the West Wing, though they are clearly not always successful."
Note to students: this is why I tell you not to use words like 'clearly' and 'essentially.' They add nothing.
18 "It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but Americans should know that there are adults in the room." Congress won't save you.
19 "It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but Americans should know that there are adults in the room" part deux: hey, kids! Adults allow terrible, horrible things to happen if it gets them what they want. In my case, that's tax cuts and the freedom to pollute.
20 "We fully recognize what is happening." We're letting it happen.
21 "And we are trying to do what’s right even when Donald Trump won’t." What's right=playing president behind closed doors, knowing full well that the actual president could send the world into war or depression, because
We.
Love.
Tax.
Cuts.
22 "The result is a two-track presidency." Trust us. That's in the Constituion. Errrr. Article XII, maybe?
Editor's note: it is NOT in our Constitution.
Not.
Not.
Not.
We have one presidency, with one president. Look it up.
23 "Take foreign policy: In public and in private, President Trump shows a preference for autocrats and dictators, such as President Vladimir Putin of Russia and North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un."
I, on the other hand, prefer figureheads. They let me play deregulator.
24 "Astute observers have noted, though, that the rest of the administration is operating on another track, one where countries like Russia are called out"

I learned this one cool trick from my 'boss' where you say 'people are saying' and that makes it true.
25 "where allies around the world are engaged as peers rather than ridiculed as rivals."
I learned this other cool trick from my 'boss' where make things up and that makes them true.
25 "But his national security team knew better — such actions had to be taken, to hold Moscow accountable."
Fuck democracy. Seriously. I mean, while the "left" Resistance moans electoral college this, majority that, I'm like dude, let the "adults" handle governing.
26 "This isn’t the work of the so-called deep state. It’s the work of the steady state."
A state so steady, we can't tell you who we are. And whose existence the president* will soon deny.

*don't worry, I'm president
27 "Given the instability many witnessed, there were early whispers within the cabinet of invoking the 25th Amendment, which would start a complex process for removing the president."
And then I would lose my job, and I wouldn't get to make those sweet, sweet tax cuts.
28 "But no one wanted to precipitate a constitutional crisis."
By "no one," I mean none of the people in positions of power within the White House. And no one else matters. If the Framers had wanted government of, by, and/or for the people, they would framed that or something.
29 "So we will do what we can to steer the administration in the right direction until — one way or another — it’s over." Tonight my spouse will tell me mansplaining exists and I'll say "sweetie both sexes can be condescending. It's just women have made a big thing out of it."
30 "The bigger concern is not what Mr. Trump has done to the presidency but rather what we as a nation have allowed him to do to us. We have sunk low with him"
My Faustian bargain will be easier to rationalize if I say that you are as bereft of decency as I am.
31 "and allowed our discourse to be stripped of civility."
Some of us got together and bought a truckload of pearls from one of Ivanka's fire sales. We clutch them all day because Antifa.

Ed note: I dig civil discourse but WTF? This isn't some condo board dispute.
32 "All Americans should heed his words and break free of the tribalism trap,"
I myself am doing so by propping up a figurehead whom I know is a threat to global security in order to achieve partisan ends.
33 "restoring honor to public life and our national dialogue."
Which I myself am doing by running a shadow government and telling you about it anonymously.
34 "There is a quiet resistance within the administration of people choosing to put country first."
And by 'country,' I mean Countrywide and their corporate ilk, whose bidding I'm doing on your dime.
35 "But the real difference will be made by everyday citizens rising above politics, reaching across the aisle and resolving to shed the labels in favor of a single one: Americans."
This line is definitely going in the book I'll write about this presidency, however it ends.//
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