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UK Rants #StandUp4Brexit @uk_rants
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#WorldSuicidePreventionDay thread. 👇
1) Lost 7 male pals over 10 yrs to #Suicide & the devastation does not ease.
I don't do 'feels', but perhaps you'll gleam something useful from my rambling account of what it leaves behind.
I'm not subtle, for that I cannot apologise.
2) Long term friendships disappear, as you begin to find remaining pals are nothing but a reminder.
When all your socialising & reminiscing is related to the dead, it becomes less inviting.
When the things you have in common are death-related, your relationship changes.
3) The family of the dead are never the same.
Mothers devastated. Sisters broken. Children damaged.
That constant feeling you have let them down, knowing you HAVE let them down, because you were helpless, useless, & ultimately irrelevant when it mattered. It bites bad.
4) Strong women I knew as a youth, now reduced to nervous-looking husks of misery.
I cannot even meet one pal's sister, she cries every time she sees me. I'm a reminder she doesn't need.
We used to be very close, it's a constant source of disappointment.
5) So many recurring demons attached to suicide.
Things you *think* you noticed a fortnight before, irrelevant then, but eating you now.
Deciding to be one place that night, instead of another.
Feeling you might have changed the outcome. As if your presence changes *anything*.
6) Missed calls. Maybe simple, irrelevant & unrelated, but your mind won't let you off that easily.
Constant analysing of every little concern ever raised.
Hoping to figure what caused, sparked it, where there could possibly be some revenge, solace, understanding, gawd knows what
7) "Why did I not SEE it?" will eat you forever. You might as well tattoo it on your eyelid.
Gawd forbid you ever have to be the one finding the body. I can assure you, there's nothing but demons in your immediate future, when you take the weight of your lifelong pal off a rope.
8) The worst thing, in *our* situation (you begin to 'own' suicide eventually), was the constant nature of it.
Every time we thought that was it, another one pinged.
We used to demand promises from one another, like it made an iota of difference. It doesn't.
9) I remember a guy making a joke at the bar, during a funeral.
I told him to come join us & his answer was "Feck that, that's life threatening", as if by our very presence we caused the event that brought us together.
But that IS how you feel.
10) Man, there's no respite.
I'd love to tell you it goes away, but it doesn't.
I'd love to tell you that you feel no less unworthy, no less of a let-down to those who needed you.
In your head, this is where you will go. No point in me lying to you.
11) You can't spend your life stewing on these things, that way lies madness.
Constant little moments, reminders, sometimes it just sneaks up on you.
Don't banish memories, that's a mistake.
Don't let the demons take your good memories, you'll need those.
12) Drop 'anniversaries' immediately. They are the dumbest thing ever.
We used to have a drink together on anniversaries, then we ended up with too many, began to feel a bit weird.
They are merely self-sympathy-fests of misery & serve only to remark on loss. Stop them.
13) Nowadays remaining pals hardly have a drink together at all. Funerals & weddings now, like estranged family.
We've no filters, so pretty much say anything we like to one another.
Problem with that, when alcohol is introduced, someone will screw up & make the rest miserable.
14) There's no living with #Suicide. There's no fixing it.
There's no getting past it, it cannot be squared away.
It's not like an accident, you have something to point to.
Even a murder, you have someone to specifically blame.
It's no worse, it's no less, it's just different.
15) Putting off contact, refusal to address the complex issues affecting us & the primitive not-sharing that males will undoubtedly do - are a big part of the problem.
Reach out, get your friends & family to learn how to reach out.
Have a no strings route to talk things through.
16) Give those you care for an option, because when they are tying that rope, they aren't *seeing* any options.
If you fail to give these options & something happens, you WILL regret it.
It will eat you up.
17) An open door is a biggie. Introduce that to your kids early in life.
Let them know they have a safe route to discuss absolutely anything with you, no strings, no repercussions.
Same works for siblings/pals.
Give them a safe word, one you both know means you need to listen.
18) There's many who tell you #suicide is not a selfish act, preferring to focus on the mental health aspect.
I am telling you now, drop that nonsense.
It IS selfish & it MUST be portrayed as such.
That desire not to hurt family has kept many a rope from being knotted.
19) You become closer to your family, when touched by suicide outside the family.
Relationships with family of the dead are more troubling, but they settle into one of 2 things quite quickly.
You either avoid each other, or become a little closer & share memories when together.
20) Nowt wrong with having MH problems, half the country have them.
Nowt wrong with feeling down, feeling suicidal, even letting the darkness in.
The problem arises when you see it as YOUR problem alone, when you feel it cannot be shared, cannot be fixed.
Open those doors wide.
21) Open the doors, initiate conversation & take time to notice behavioural changes.
Let those you are a little concerned with talk, or not.
Let them drive the pace at which they unload. Never push, but never ignore.
Communication is KEY. Or peace of mind is impossible.
/END 🙏
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