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skye ♿ @disabilisaur
, 7 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
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ok but

there is something wrong with me.

"neurodiversity means there is nothing wrong with you" erases all those of us who are ND because of trauma, mental illness and other unpleasant things, and those who just don't like their neurodivergence
there is something very, very wrong with my head.

and I'm not here for a neurodiversity movement that tells me I have to embrace that or else.

no, I don't like being unable to form close interpersonal connections while feeling agonisingly lonely.
no, I don't like suicidal ideation, self harm and self hate.

no, I don't like flashbacks and nightmares and depressed days where you can't breathe and anxiety that makes your toes tingle.

yet all these things are part of my neurodivergency.

and they are WRONG.
I don't like feeling like I want to die and I don't like half believing that I'm already dead (not a metaphor).

I don't like being scared of water pipes and cars and closing the door and leaving the room and turning my back for a second.

it's not all happy stimmy flower fun.
I'm sick. In my head. I'm sick and I'm crazy and it's wrong.

but it also can't be fixed.

i need a neurodiversity movement that leaves me space to feel whichever way about my neurodivergencies, and to explore my feelings and change them and change me or maybe not.
I know that I'll have to live with this sickness in my head. forever. (don't give or any fucking advice or platitudes.)

but I don't want anyone to tell me that "it's okay to be like this!" because it isn't, it's not okay for me, but it can't be changed so I work with what I got.
neurodiversity can't be about abolishing mental pathology models, because some of us are sick.

it can, for example, be about reclaiming the power to choose what's pathological and what isn't - by each person for themselves.

but do not ever tell me there's nothing wrong with me.
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