Profile picture
Betty Butch (18+) @betty_butch
, 17 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
Should I tweet that I'm excited for this product that others are deeming problematic for reasons I disagree with (as a member of the group supposedly being disrespected), or should I keep my mouth shut for fear of getting dogpiled and/or told I'm detracting.
Alright folks wanna know so here’s my Hot Take, with a caveat:

I’m not trying to argue or discredit someone else’s objections, this is just my POV and my partner’s (both nonbinary, though Buster uses they/them.) I don’t think anyone’s wrong and I could be missing things.
(And I'm using "hot take" self-deprecatingly here.)
There is nothing inherently gendering about penis-inspired shaping. I often don’t like it because it gives me bottom dysphoria (funky colors and lack of balls etc help), but a penis isn’t a gendered thing until you put/assign gendered language to it.
Dildos. specifically and ESPECIALLY penis-inspired ones, often are gendered – through product names, descriptions, and marketing – as avatars of maleness. There are lots of companies who don’t do this, but plenty do, and cissexist customer gaze attributes maleness to the rest.
A dildo that is intentionally positioned as queer of gender via its name is a dildo made for me. For Buster. For people with partners outside the binary. For AMAB folks (or DFAB folks like us who have bottom dysphoria sometimes for our lack of penis) for whom a penis is not male.
You could argue that not gendering a product at all (as many aren’t) is positioning it as genderless, and you wouldn’t be wrong! I’d just argue you’d be selling the potential for queer specificity short.

(I'm autistic, I LOVE specificity lol.)
I love toys like the Avant Pride P3 and the Max Queer by BS because they use color to signify “this is for you” and “this is not like the rest.” The P3 with its penis-inspired design is esp nice (because penis doesn't equal not lesbian. Some lesbians have penises!)
Even before I knew I was nonbinary, dildos have been more than pleasure tools to use on my partner, they've been a way I've affirmed my gender through sex. They're *my dick*. Because I choose to treat them as such. Buster often utilizes them in the same way.
"But I thought you said realistic penis dildos cause you bottom dysphoria," you point out smarmily, "Now you're saying a dildo affirms your gender?"

Both are true! There's a lot of sticky nuance here that's hard to put into words.
But look. When I opened an email from Tantus and saw a dildo named the They/Them (esp with no balls and in funky colors), I experienced a rush of gender euphoria. It's a nonbinary sex toy - specifically, in my persona interpretation, a nonbinary dick. I want it, badly.
I showed it to Buster, who had the exact same elated response. A toy whose name shares their pronouns. A toy with some penis stylings whose branding doesn't attribute it to maleness but goes beyond silent neutrality and declares it, specifically, outside the binary.
Give me wand vibrators called the Rumble Him and penis dildos called Her Majesty and I'll be thrilled too. I don't think that lack of gender is the only way to be inclusive with sex toys. I like gender sometimes. Mine is disregarded so often. It's nice to have it affirmed.
And... I'm really high strung right now, but people wanting it to not exist hurt me in a lot of ways. I don't want cis people to ally dogpile and discourage its existence because they think every nonbinary person objects to it. I not only want it, I want more like it.
So that is the point of this thread. Not to say other nonbinary people are wrong, or that they shouldn't be upset, but to just offer my perspective so if you're cis, you consider its potential value for trans folks too and perhaps consider steering clear of the inevitable debate.
(Please note my use of "consider." I'm not telling you what to do either lol I'm not sure how else to phrase this so that it won't be taken as "don't talk about this or you're problematic" grandstanding/policing.)

Anyway that's it please don't hate me!
@threadreaderapp um unroll please?
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Betty Butch (18+)
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member and get exclusive features!

Premium member ($30.00/year)

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!