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Tamara @TamIWas
, 21 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
A thread:

Tonight my husband went out to a craft beer event. I dropped him off and he took an Uber home. I realize how millenial those first two sentences sound, but he's a small-town Gen X-er who started drinking craft beer before most millennials were legal age. Anyway...
His driver picked him up and my husband made the usual driver-passenger small talk, asking him if he enjoyed being an Uber driver.

"No," was his swift reply.

Awkward, but honest. My husband probed further.
Beyond the usual drunk pukers who swear their fine, then vomit all over the window and door, he recounted the numerous times he's driven inebriated individuals home who have requested "a favour" and demanded to be taken through drice-thrus for food or to a store for smokes.
Stops he doesn't get paid for, but whatever. That was actually the least offensive of it. Predominately, he deals with drunk assholes who feel emboldened enough to tell him "go back to your own country."
He's lived here since 1997.

He speaks five languages and has worked as a translator for many groups including Calgary Police Services.
By this time, he had pulled up in front of our house. He was visibly upset. Clearly, he doesn't often have a listening ear who cares enough to hear his story.

My husband is often a cynical guy. Not once did he get the impression this man was exaggerating a one-time incident.
This is his normal. This is his lived experience.

He's quit Uber more than once because of it, but come back because he needs the money.
He apologized for being so heated.

My husband didn't know how to reply. He stammered out an apology for the treatment this man has received, but couldn't say he understood or fully empathized, being a white male who has never experienced this a day in his life.
And that was it.

What do you say?

I don't know. I'm not even sure what my thread is supposed to say.

Don't be an asshole? That seems overly simplistic.
One thing we discussed is, just how? We've both been drunk our fair share of times. We've both said things we've regretted to each other, but we're married and it kind of comes with the territory sometimes. We talk it through and try to do better.
But those arguments are always borne of something that already existed. A resentment or frustration that was swept under a run only to be revived after a heated election debate drinking game.
And I get that. It's easier to unload on someone that feels safe. Our kids are the most basic example of that.

But where does the deep-seated anger come from where you feel comfortable enough to unleash it on the unsuspecting person driving you home?
This isn't just because someone has too much to drink. These attitudes are a pre-existing condition. Alcohol doesn't create it out of nowhere, it removes the filter and inhibition.
So I guess my first point is, don't try to excuse or pass off this behaviour. If you're an asshole after a few drinks, chances are you're an asshole in real life.

I have mental illness. Tequila exacerbates the thought patterns or tendecies that already exist.
It doesn't just whip up some new or unexpected ones. And if it did, I wish it would make and keep a schedule or stir me to clean my bathrooms. That would be nice.
My second point is this: our country might be widely viewed as the "nice, polite one" and we can gloss it over all we want we, but xenophobia, nationalism - those aren't American problems or Trump problems. They are here and they have an audience.
I'm a white woman ranting on Twitter. I don't know what I'm trying to say other than maybe what my mom taught me when I was five: If you don't have something nice to say, shut the fuck up.
Or something along those lines.

But seriously, how hard is it? Just...keep that shit tucked away. It's bad enough you're thinking it, FFS, don't give a voice to it.
If that'a too hard, just fucking walk home. No one owes you a ride, much less a trip to McDonald's, no matter where either of you were born.
If you can't drink and be a decent human being, you should definitely get help for at least one of those problems, I'd suggest starting with the latter.

P.S. You're actually living on stolen land, have a good night!
Also, I should not write late at night because my spelling and grammar become the sacrificial lamb. I will burn my journalism degree in the morning.
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