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Dr Sarah Taber @SarahTaber_bww
, 20 tweets, 4 min read Read on Twitter
To the folks responding "but what if he takes exception to this & becomes violent":

it's possible. And if it's likely to happen, SHE WILL ALREADY KNOW. If she's scared to do it, there's a reason, and respect that. It's not complicated.
This was not a suggestion to abduct random women with violent husbands & force them to vote solo against their will. Pls use some common damn sense, folks.

This is: if you have a friend/relative w a nosy husband, go out for girl time & make voting alone *available.*
Guys, I grew up in a household with a lot of domestic violence. Some abusive men do *all* their controlling with physical violence.

But an astonishing amount of it is just social control.
Did you know Mormon feminists have a name for this? They call it "chicken patriarchy."

This is a style of patriarchy & domestic abuse whose primary tools are shame, isolation, excluding women from community decisionmaking, & setting women up against each other as competitors.
In this social setting, physical violence isn't even often required.

As a result, most (most) Mormon men don't have the stomach for it.

Their entire MO is built on a persona of benevolence. Physical violence takes the whole house of cards down.
(Are there individuals who figured out they can game the system, beat their family, & still look good in public? 100%. My dad was one of them. I don't think they're the majority though.)
I think it's also worth mentioning that mormonism seems to have learned a lot of its perverse culture over the last 50 years from mainstream conservative Christianity. It wanted to play w the big kids on the playground so bad, it became one. This isn't a uniquely Mormon thing.
I want to reiterate that a lot of conservative cultural control of women is *social.*

The notion that domestic abuse means physical beatings is, in itself, one of the most powerful social tools that conservative culture uses to control its women.
If only hitting = abuse, then none of the other stuff counts & abusive men can still sell themselves as benign patriarchs.

While they shame, gaslight, control all the $, ignore their kids, make decisions for women to carry out, commit marital rape, sabotage birth control, etc.
In this context there's a lot of room for making space for women to vote on their own. In many marriages, he doesn't even realize his wife WANTS to vote differently. It just doesn't enter his mind. Of COURSE sane people vote Republican. And his wife is sane, so…
A lot of what we work with in lefty LDS circles is permission structures. It's a community with a lot of built-in defenses against a frontal approach, so you just gain a lot more ground by working w the community's preexisting norms.
An example would be, this community really believes that women should be taking care of children. like. every waking minute of every day. and men should be away working.
So just come up with an excuse for why she has to do childcare, or sthing that's politically correct for conservatives, during her otherwise free time on election day. So of course she had to go do early vote while he was at work.
A surprising number of controlling religious men won't even question that. They're like "well of course" & move on. It plays right into their assumptions about how the world is supposed to work, so it doesn't even appear on their radar of potentially subversive activity.
But, a lot of women *married* to controlling religious men who want to vote differently than their husband, still won't necessarily plan & execute solo voting on their own. Yes it sounds dumb. But keeping women too busy & tired for self care is key to the conservative control MO.
This is where friends & family can help. (Obvs, not if abuser has isolated her from friends & family. But in those cases, it's not like he was gonna let solo voting happen either. Cases of extreme control are not what we're going for here.)
There's a generous number of sort-of-controlling-but-can't-be-bothered-to-go-full-blast-with-it men out there. When a woman married to them wants to vote differently from him, just providing a smooth path for her to do so is often all it takes.
And I think in a lot of ways that gets to the core of how domestic abuse has to be countered in general. You can't MAKE women get out. All you can do, and what abused women really need, is for folks to make PATHS for them to take themselves out when the time is right.
It's all about permission structures & relationships. That means it's probably only going to work for women you're pretty close to; you have to know a lot about their situation.
You also have to believe her if she says it's not safe for her to vote solo. That shouldn't even need to be said. But it's twitter, so we're saying it.

But also? Don't ASSUME it's unsafe for her to vote solo. That's not how a lot of conservative abuse works. Make paths.
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