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Santa Claus, CEO @SantaInc
, 8 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
‘Twas the night before the Election,
And just like a mouse,
The Republicans were scurrying,
“We’re losing the House!”
😧
Melania was nestled,
All snug in her bed,
While visions of “someone else”...
Danced in her head.
🍆
(THREAD)
#ElectionDay #ElectionEve
And Trump in his suit,
And his ill-fitting tie,
Had just settled down,
To tweet some more lies.
📱
When out on the Front Lawn,
Arose such a clutter,
Trump sprang from the bed,
“Oh shit! Is it Mueller??”
😧
(2/)
When, what to Trump’s
Wondering eyes couldn’t miss,
But IT’S FUCKING SANTA CLAUS,
AND HE LOOKS PISSED.
😡
Trump knew in a moment
It must be St. Nick,
“Look at those hands!
He’s got a huge dick!”
🍆
(3/)
So atop the White House,
Santa Claus did fly,
With a fire in his belly,
And a twinkle in his eye.
👁
Trump ran down the stairs,
(He’s afraid of those things),
And Santa came down,
The chimney in the East Wing.
🎅🏻
(4/)
The Secret Service sprang out,
With guns drawn on his head,
Santa played it cool,
Or else he’d be dead.
😎
“Why are you here?” Trump bellowed,
While his double-chin shook,
“I’ve got an election tomorrow!”
But Santa just gave a look.
🤨
(5/)
Santa said not a word,
And went straight to his sack,
Opened it for all to see,
“Take a look at this, you hack.”
💼
Trump gazed in the bag,
And screamed in aghast,
Inside were absentee ballots,
“I’m delivering them, you ass.”
🎅🏻
(6/)
“I’ve got them from cities,”
Santa said with a grin,
“Liberals and college students,
Who’ve all mailed it in.”
✉️
“Say hello to a Democrat Congress,
You’re losing control,
My next stop is taking these ballots,
Straight to the polls.”
🗳
(7/)
Santa stuck out a finger,
The middle one, you know,
Then up, up, up,
The chimney he rose.
🖕
And Trump heard him exclaim,
As Santa left in a flutter.
“MY SUIT IS RED CUZ
IT’S YOUR WIFE’S FAVORITE COLOR!”
🎅🏻
#VoteBlue
(/End)
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