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Sara Gibbs @Sara_Rose_G
, 9 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
A few people have said to me this year that I can’t be autistic because I have professional success & others need full-time care. So, for the sake of exposing how much people can hide, I’m going to share something deeply personal: I do, pretty much, have full-time care.
This is not an easy thing for me to acknowledge in public. I am very capable in many ways. I’m a hard worker & I’m good at what I do. But I have massive executive functioning & energy issues which mean that basic things like bills, laundry, cleaning, cooking, are challenging.
I married an amazing man. I cannot describe the extent of what he does for me. He cooks all my meals. He washes my clothes. He deals with my finances, my paperwork, anything that would use up energy I need for work. His care enables me to focus solely on my career.
It’s not that I am unable to do these things. It’s that doing one or two of these things uses up so much of my concentration & energy that there is nothing left over. It can send me into quick meltdown. Not all autistic people struggle with day-to-day stuff like that. But I do.
On days like today, where I have important meetings, I will show up devoted, prepared & energetic. Because my husband is in the next room, working from home, in order to make getting ready & travelling as stress free as possible.
Over the years, many people have shamed me / us for this dynamic. Especially pre-diagnosis. It’s something I’ve kept well hidden as much as I can. Until I understood why I couldn’t cope with as much as he can, it was deeply upsetting and shaming. I thought I was lazy / useless.
Incidentally, my husband has never seen it this way. He does all of these things with boundless unconditional love. He cares for me emotionally too. There have been times where I have been unable to get up off the floor with a bad meltdown. He’ll just lie next to me until I can.
I’m admitting this for two reasons:
1) don’t look at me if you’re autistic & feel that you’re somehow inadequate because I have a job I love. I am so lucky to have the support to do that and only that.
2) because you NEVER know what’s happening behind the scenes for someone.
Anyway feeling rather shaky and vulnerable now. That was not an easy thing to write. And on a side note, I will never have words to thank my husband for everything he does for me, and the loving, calm & devoted way in which he does it.
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