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👑Klaus🇳🇬🇺🇸 @Nick_k1aus
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Today's episode of


FT: Tope, Ahmed and Matilda
Life can be really surprising sometimes and the best way to really enjoy life is to live it as if every moment is the last..
Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you a story 😁😁
During my youth service I had many adventures. My friend Ahmed was serving with me in Akwa Ibom while Tope was closeby in calabar.

Life was good.. But this is not a bedtime story.. No.. This is not a story about love.. This is a story about choices and bad decisions
It was holiday period. I had a so much free time to burn through so i called my guys Ahmed and Tope and we planned to hangout in calabar for the weekend.
Friday morning I was set to travel. I had packed my bags with some clothes, got my charger and Earpiece secured and carried my Xbox Microsoft pad for the fifa cleansing..
I was about to leave my house so I decided to call Ahmed to meet me halfway
I called him a couple of times he didn't pick up so I kept on calling, finally he did.

“Guy hwfar I don dey call u since”

“Bros I dey”

“u don ready.. I wan move so”

“Bros I no sure say i go fit go again o”

“ehh why”
“i get one dream last night say this weekend go bloody… I Dream say dem arrest me.. Baba I no want problem”

“Nawa oo wc kind dream be dat bros come mk we dey go joor, nobody go arrest u”

“Bros I no fit. My mind no carry am”

“come u sure say babe neva lock u for house so”
“Guy lemme.. Mk una go enjoy.. I go call una later”

OK o

I ended the call and made my way to the park.
I called Tope on the way and told him what ahmed said.. He wasn't pleased but he was just happy I was coming.. He didn't want to spend the weekend alone.
I got to the park and paid for a bus to calabar but it was taking a while for the bus to get full so I decided to go get some stick chicken and bole (roasted plantain) by the road.. Akwa Ibom special 😋
I came back to my seat and saw a lady sitting down there. It was a window seat and I loved sitting by the window when traveling.

“excuse me that's my seat, I kept my bag there”

“oh sorry, I didn't know”

“it's ok just shift a bit”
I sat down next to her, placed my headphones on and started playing M.I's album.. Talks about it.
As the journey began, I noticed that the girl next to me kept staring at me..
Whether she was staring out the window or something else I didn't know but it made me uncomfortable
So I stopped playing my music.. I decided to watch a movie instead.
I had downloaded new episode of game of thrones in my phone and I thought I would watch it later that night but what the hell… I started watching it just to avoid making eye contact with her.
I was already getting engulfed in the suspense of Deanerys targarean and Jamie lanisters when I felt someone tap my arm. I looked up and it was her.. With her neck stretched almost halfway into my screen like someone who wants to copy “chukuli” in exam hall
“is that the new episode”


“game of thrones is that the new episode”

“Yea I just downloaded it”

“wow I love that show”

And just like that we started talking.
She was lively, brilliant, soft spoken and intelligent.. We talked about movies, sports, politics and the cosmos… it felt like we were on a date in the back seat of an 18 seater hiace bus.... 😁
The journey was going slow and I loved it.. I was so engulfed in her awesomeness I forgot all about Tope, Ahmed or the fact that I just texted Tina that I loved her and was frighteningly anticipating her response..
Finally we got to calabar and disembarked from the bus. I carried my luggage and she did hers. So we stood facing each other..

“well it was nice meeting you..”

“same here"

"I didn't get ur namemy name"


“Am nicholas..”
“nice to meet you, nick"

"I hv to say ure so beautiful and ure an amazing person"

"oh please when I first saw u I thought u looked like an angel.."

Ladies and gentlemen that statement was the bomb that destroyed my senses.. Me that was managing my ugly with baby oil so that it would not turn to wowo.. Now this girl says I look like an angel.
I made up my mind right there to surrender to her lekedi
We quickly exchanged numbers and I promised to call her when I get settled. I had already called Tope and told him of my arrival.
I was close to the park gate when someone shouted my name

Klaussss my niggaaaa

“Temi badt guy”
“oboiii na who be dat chikala wey i jst catch u with”

“na one babe oo, bros the babe go well, she say i resemble angel”

“na lie”

“Aswear.. The tin burst my head”
“oboiii u don catch cali babe be dat o”

“i go call am later, make we go chop first”

“Koret u don call ahmed”

“later abeg, baba dey fear”

“no mind am”
We both left for Topes house where I freshened up. We then switched on his laptop and started battling it out on fifa15… we spent the entire day indoors playing fifa… Good times..
That night I thought about what happened in the bus. Normally Ild wait for 3 days before calling a girl I jst met but I jst couldn't resist so I picked up my phone and against my better judgment, I called her.
It rang for a while and I was hoping she doesn't even pick but her voice echoed in the phone


“hello.. Hi”

“hi I was expecting ur call”

“Yea.. I am quite predictable”

“how re u”

“fine fine”
“i had fun with u today and Ild love to see u again”

“me too”

“lets meet up tomorrow then”

“alright 7pm tinapa”

I ended the call and burst into a dance of joy.
I started bragging to Tope

“Guy She don gree oo.. Mehn we dey go out tomorrow night”

“Koret guy… KlausDbadtguy…”
That night I slept like a baby and I dreamt of various scenarios of how the date would go. How I would hold her hand and whispered sweet nonsense to her ears.. and how the night would end with a kiss or if the ancestors agree.. mekwe for the culture….oh I couldn't wait…
The next day Tope suggested we go out sightseeing but I refused.. I wanted to prepare mentally and psychologically for my date.. I ironed my shirt, washed the shoes and waited for 7pm.
Tope saw me preparing and he asked
“where she say mk una enta sef”


“Baba carry money oo that place expensive”

“forget how much she fit chop.. 5k don cover everything na”

“Bros no talk am o”

“no level.. Nothing dey happen"
7pm I called Matilda and she told me she was on her way.. Calabar doesn't have traffic so I left my house and in 10 minutes I was in Tinapa waiting for Matilda.
She came down from a cab and I almost ran out of breath. She was pristine.. Coca-Cola shape confirm.. Like a figurine carved out of a movie… She walked towards me and every step she took made my heart beat so fast.. God must hv been in a good mood when he created her..
We hugged and she smiled at me.. She said she knew a great place and she took my hands amd led me to the private lounge in Tinapa.
I didn't even object like a lamb being led to the slaughter I followed happily
The first thing I noticed was how the AC in that place smelled different from the one outside..
This place was soft, private and cozy.. It was made for the rich and the rich alone.. But being there with Matilda.. I didn't care.. I loved it.
We sat down by the corner table and a waiter with a waistcoat came to attend to us..

“good evening sir and ma'am, what can we get you to start off ur evening”

I was ready to order for rice or drinks when she said

“give us ur appetizer special”

“excellent choice ma'am”

She smiled at me and held my hand across the table..

“don't worry uld like it”

“ok oo”

We started talking. The mood was light, soft music played in the background and I was loving my date..
The waiter brought the food, it was fruit salad and juice..
Well its not much can salad cost..
We dug in and in no time it was finished..
She signaled the waiter again who came running like the flash..
“Yea I want the chicken Peruzii, with chinese rice, steam steak, seasoned asparagus, smoked snail and a bottle of chardonnay “

“alright ma'am.. What about you sir”

“i will just have rice please.. Just rice”

“alright sir.. I'll be back right away”

He left and matilda was beaming with smiles

“from the moment I saw u, I knew u were a great guy”

“hmm.. Yea.. Me too”
The food came and we started eating. I beckoned on the waiter who came running

“can I get the bill please”


He left and in a while came back with a bill which he placed by my side. I picked it up, looked at the bill and I almost threw Up.
The AC suddenly wasn't so cold anymore. A line of sweat started dropping down my face. My heart was beating so fast as I looked at the bill… 72K… 72 Freaking thousand.. Seventy… F#ck.. I am dead.. I am dead oo…
I looked at matilda she was still enjoying her chicken Peruzii.. I didn't know what else to do..
I legit began to panic So i decided called the one person whom I knew could help in any tight jam…

I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

“hello Ahmed.. Ahmed.. Guy”

“Bros wetin na”

“Baba wahala dey o.. Everything don cast”

“calm down wetin happen”

“i dey one restaurant now and I don gather Bill wey i no fit pay”

“Bros abeg help me wetin I go do”

“Guy I no know oo, hw much be the bill”

“72k...72k guy”

“choi..hw much u get”

“about 6k5”

“hahahaha baba u go wash plate oo”
“Guy talk well na. Abeg help me”

“see u fit run komot”

“wc one be run komot”

“run leave the place.. No pay”

“what of my babe wey i carry go”

“Mehn I no know oo but if u no wan sleep cell u gats move oo.. Shh wait am on the phone”
“Guy who dey with u there”

“Baba na long story.. See I gats… ”

“Guy no tell me say na woman mk u no follow me travel yesterday”

“Bros na this thing I see for dream so.. Komot from there nw before dem go arrest u”

“how I go tk do am”

“Bros later abeg”

He ended the call
I came out of the restroom and I walked back to my seat with a heavy heart.. I was still thinking about what I was going to do. I walked to my seat and Matilda was beaming with smiles
I was like....
“dear how about we order for dessert .. They hv great dessert here”

That was it… I had to do it.. There was no way out of it.. She will suffer for it and I'll be the scum of the century but I had to..
I was sweating profusely..

“re u ok”

“Yea.. Am fine”

“this meal is so delicious”

I looked at her, looked at the ceiling, the waiter, the other people in the lounge.. I knew I had to do it.. She will probably never forgive me again but.. Oh it was now or never.. I had everything to lose.. I slowly stood up,
"excuse me dear I want to make a call"

She didn't really care, she was pressing her phone so I slowly walked to the front door…

I was expecting someone to stop me or scream STOP THAT GUY but no one did..
I stepped outside.. Walked a bit with my phone on my ear like I was making a call.. I go to the junction and I found an empty cab.. I entered it and I ws on my way home… I did it……
I got home and ran inside the house.. Tope was shocked when he saw me

Klaus wetin happen..

Baba I gats go back to aks dis night.. I don fuck up big time

Wetin u do

I chop naim i run

What of ur babe na

Baba i leave am there

Guy.. Why na.. Which kind rubbish be dat

Bros abeg.. I no fit explain.. Abeg I wan leave now
I quickly packed my bags and headed for the bus park. Luckily the last bus to AKS was almost filled up so I entered it. I bid Tope goodbye and I was on my way back to akwaibom…
Then my phone began to ring..
Matilda was calling..
I knew what I had done, there was no explanation.. I jst switched off my phone and my conscience dealt with me all the way..
I got to uyo and went to a friend's place where I spent the night..
Next morning I woke up to up to thirty messages from Matilda.. First she was curious about my whereabouts.. Then she was pleading with me not to do this.. Then she was angry.. Calling me names.. Then she resulted to threats.. I deserved all of them..
I later learnt a good Samaritan paid for her.. What she did for him in return only heaven knows.. I made a vow never to eat in a place again without checking out the price..
And that was how I furthered my journey into scumville..
That's all for today.. Thanks for reading..Pls drop ur comments and reactions below
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For older episodes of #TalesFromKlaus check out the links below
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