it smells like that musky scent jinyoung carries.
hoseok can't help but shove his nose into it, wet little sobs muffled but the faux fur of the bear's tummy.
once hoseok's calmed himself down a bit, enough to stop gasping for air, he sets the bear down gently.
a blanket embroidered with airplanes, a pair of scuffed little trainers.
mementos of yoongi's childhood.
the things he'd saved for his children.
it makes hoseok's entire being burst with warmth, because yoongi actually /cares/.
that was the only time hoseok had really suffered the affects of being unmated, to being unofficially "rejected" by the alpha who had knotted him.
those little what-ifs had chewed him up and spat him out almost everyday since he'd given birth to yoongi's son.
the constant nagging thought of how things would have been if yoongi had decided to mark him that day.
how much happier he would be.
because, for the first time in years, an alpha was going to be there for him and his son.
he wouldn't be alone.
he didn't notice until the little boy tapped hoseok's leg, eyebrows furrowed.
"why you cryin', mama?" he whispered, "no tears allowed."
yoongi's scent was still crisp in the air, and looking at his son only made it worse.
tears pooled in his eyes again and jinyoung crawled into his lap.
"i said no tears, mama!!" jinyoung's lip wobbled.
his arms wrapped around hoseok's neck and he puckered his lips.
"i gotta kiss the sad away!!"
hoseok barked out a laugh and his son pressed little pecks all over his neck, and he tightened his grip on the little boy.
"all better?" the little boy's tone is almost menacing, and hoseok thinks that, yes. this is yoongi's son.
"all better. thank you, honeybee."
jinyoung purrs as he runs his cheek affectionately against hoseok.
he squeals, reaching out for it with his chubby little hands, and before hoseok can stop him, his face is buried in it.
"smells like you, mama!!" his voice is muffled, "smells like unca joonie's friend, too. the bald one."
"i can't 'member his name, but he smelled good. gave good hugs."
hugs? hoseok's lip wobbled again and he suppressed a sob.
yoongi was not a big hugger, especially with children.
"he smiled funny, like me!!"
and that's where hoseok loses it.
pulling jinyoung to his chest, he just lets the tears fall, sobbing into the soft black tuft of hair.
the letter is pinned to his fridge by the ugliest magnet in the world, and everytime he passes it, he freezes.
he knows he should call him, or text him, or something. but he's terrified.
he doesn't want to fuck up.
hoseok at least has yoongi's contact in his phone now.
it's only when jeongguk's going through his phone one Friday, trying to find the number to their favourite pizza shop, that he realizes how stupid he is being.
hoseok is ashamed.
"he, he left things for jinyoung while i was, you know, /away/, and he gave me his number just in case."
"child." hoseok cuts in, "singular."
"shut up. the dude who knocked you up,,, the one YOU'VE BEEN THIRSTING FOR,,,, FOR LIKE, YEARS,,,, WANTS TO BE IN YOUR LIFE. AND YOU HAVEN'T TEXTED HIM."
"oh mY good GOD." jeongguk yells, "you HAVEN'T."
"hyung. it's simple. you just type a simple 'hey'." jeongguk's voice is condescending, "here, i'll do it for you."
hoseok abandons his coke to launch himself at the dorky beta.
"you can't swear to things you haven't had in like, three years, hoseok-hyung."
hoseok yelps as jeongguk twists his nipple harshly, throwing him off.
"GIVE ME MY PHONE."
"oops. my thumbs slipped."
hoseok suppresses the urge to scream, cry, and murder jeongguk all at once.
hoseok blankly looks at the 'hey ;)' jeongguk had sent the man he had been avoiding for three years.
a fucking ';)'.
"this is honestly the worst thing to ever happen to me." hoseok cries, "this literally comes before that time jinyoung found my spare tampons. and ate them."
hoseok doesn't want to look at it.
"read it to me, heathen. im so embarrassed right now." he tosses the phone to jeongguk and curls into a fetal position on the floor.
jeongguk says, "yoongi says 'oh, hello'."
there's another ding.
"he sent a winky face back, oh my god." the younger boy is laughing, hard, "what a fucking loser-"
jeongguk giggles, and he shouts, out of no where.
"HE WANTS TO CALL YOU. HE ASKS IF THAT'S OKAY-" jeongguk glares and hoseok, "i don't CARE IF YOU SAY NO."
hoseok squeaks on the floor, pathetically.
hoseok looks at the 'yeah, im always up for a call from u, stud' blankly and takes a deep breath. counts to three.
"get out of my house." he says calmly, and jeongguk pales.
hoseok presses the blue call button immediately after he hears the front door slam.
the call goes through.
hoseok rushes, panicked, "those texts you just got. i didnt send them. it was jeomgguk. not me."
there's a pause and yoongi lets a breathy laugh out.
"yeah, i figured."
"hoseok-ah, i'm sorry-"
"no." hoseok hisses, "do not apologize. it was not your fault."
yoongi breathes, shaky.
"jinyoung is the best thing to ever happen to me." hoseok says, firmly. "he's my little angel."
"i don't hate you, hyung." hoseok decides, "i dont blame you, either."
"i still feel guilty, hoseok." yoongi's voice is emotional, and hoseok knows if yoongi starts crying, he'll start crying too.
he's a loser like that.
"there's nothing to be guilty about."
yoongi makes an exasperated sound. "hoseok. i got you pregnant." he pauses.
yoongi leaves the phrase open.
hoseok's brow furrows, because the way yoongi says it suggests that he would have.
that he wanted to.
yoongi doesn't speak.
"i know things are complicated. but, if you want to be in jinyoung's life, you have to promise me something."
hoseok's voice breaks. "you can't /leave/ him."
hoseok knows he's crying again. maybe it was the lingering hormones from his last heat.
"you." yoongi corrects.
"i won't leave you. not again."
"hoseok-ah, if you will let me, i'd like to see you again." yoongi says softly, "you and jinyoung."
hoseok nods, even though he knows yoongi can't see him. he wraps his spare arm around his legs, knees pushed together.
hoseok speaks before he can think it through.
"what about today?"
there's something panicked about his voice. something that tells yoongi that hoseok's almost as afraid to lose him as yoongi is.
"yeah, seok-ah. of course."
he runs his tongue over the fresh wound, the coppery twang dancing on his taste buds.
"when and where, hoseok?" yoongi asks, carefully.
"remember our café?"
yoongi feels the rush of mostly foreign familiarity.
an apartment. a bathroom. a bedroom.
occasionally a bed.
now, a child.
but never the scar of a mark.
there's static on the other end.
the silence is charged with something dangerous. something that makes yoongi's skin crawl. it's tense.
hoseok's obviously stressing out already. i
"sounds like a plan, seok-ah."
hoseok breathes heavily.
"thank you, hyung." he sniffles a bit, "for taking this so maturely." hoseok's voice is quiet.
"don't thank me." he almost begs, "you and jinyoung, you're my responsibility, now. please, don't thank me."
hoseok makes a wet noise, then something akin to a whine. yoongi's skin prickles.
"i've gotta do now, hoseok-ah. we'll talk in person."
yoongi's hands are shaking with nerves.
perhaps it wasn't a good idea to meet up so soon.
yoongi knew that he was dumb, but his brain was /screaming/ at him.
he had failed to protect his omega.
he had failed to take care of his family.
his pup didn't even know him.
he had failed as an alpha.
and that? that was doing stuff to yoongi's head.
every part of him was screaming at him to make up for everything he'd done.
yoongi was stressed.
he wanted hoseok to forgive him.
he knew that hoseok said he didnt blame him, but he was just so damn GUILTY.
he digs out a pair of old jeans from his almost barren closet only to find out that they're too tight.
yoongi fleetingly thinks enlistment did do him some good after all.
he finally put some weight on.
this nervousness seeping into his bones is doing him no good.
he's uncomfortable, and he wants to nest somewhere secluded, and /jinyoung's not home/ and /he's freaking out/.
he shakily calls namjoon.
"hyung? everything good?"
hoseok can hear jinyoung chattering in the background and his fingers clench.
"need." hoseok takes a deep breath, "need my baby. please, joonie, please bring him home."
namjoon is silent for a while.
"i'm on my way."
jinyoung smells like home. he smells like love to hoseok.
hoseok craves for it. for love.
"mama, mama," jinyoung chirps immediately, running to the side of the bed, "mama, wanna cuddle too!"
rubs his nose all over the boy's neck.
namjoon feels like he's intruding, but hoseok is in a dangerous spot.
a major mood swing, or stress, could bring on premature heat.
the fact that he had a pup, and was "rejected" by an alpha in the past, made it even more dangerous.
hoseok looked at him blearily from the tangle of sheets and namjoon studied his face.
"make room for me?" namjoon asked carefully, hoping that hoseok wouldn't react negatively.
he looked like a happy little kitten.
"yeah, joonie. come cuddle with me n' baby." hoseok sounded far away, and namjoon knew he was going to drop soon.
the stress with yoongi had been too much.
"jinyoungie smells like he's gonna be an alpha, joonie." hoseok said dreamily, "smells like-"
namjoon cut him off before he could continue.
"tell me what's wrong, hobi."
namjoon swallows thickly.
namjoon's eyebrows pull together, and he tightens his grip on the two of them.
namjoon swipes hoseok's bangs out of his eyes and he carefully chooses his words.
"hobi, be more specific." namjoon pleads, "please."
jinyoung shifts in hoseok's arms a bit, uncomfortable with the tense atmosphere.
"hyung. i called him today." hoseok mumbled.
namjoon blinks at hoseok.
"i want alpha." the tears are beading his waterline already, "please."
namjoon is completely lost.
"who is alpha, mama?"
jinyoung stares at his broken, emotional mama.
namjoon speed-dials yoongi.
namjoon had pulled himself from the nest moments before.
"hoseok's in bad shape, hyung. he needs you. h-he's nesting, and he's-"
yoongi's breath stutters, and there's sounds of hurried rustling.
"i'm on my way, namjoon."
"y'smell like gukkie, joon." hoseok mumbles, a little far away, "s'cute."
"thank you, seok." namjoon cards his fingers through his best friend's hair.
he knows where hoseok lives, and he thanks all the gods he can think of for it only being five minutes away from his new place.
yoogi swears. pulls on his bangs as he runs countless red lights.
jinyoung's all pressed up against his mama, whispering with his little slurred voice -"don't cry, mama, don't cry"- and namjoon breaks a little.
holds on to the two of them tight and hopes hoseok's heat doesn't hit at all.
ridiculous how hoseok just went through his natural cycle not even a month ago, and here he was again, weakly emiting the scent.
only this time, hoseok smells putrid. scared. not at how an omega in heat should smell.
there's really not a persistent need to take a knot, but hoseok gets sick. real sick. the knot makes it bearable.
namjoon recalls their college days, before yoongi, when he was the one caring for him.
"its okay, hobi. hold onto your pup tight. i got you. you're safe." he mumbles into the omega's hair, and he feels hoseok's wet eyelashes brush against his mark.
"joonie, i want alpha."
he can already smell them.
his alpha is going wild underneath his skin, the frantic pulse of that primal mantra- "find omega, mate omega, protect omega, find him" - makes yoongi want to puke.
he can smell his pup and his omega.
sniffs around his tears.
"joonie," he gasps, "joonie someone's at the door. joonie, joonie, is it him?"
jinyoung grips the neckline of hoseok's shirt. stares at namjoon.
he looks like yoongi.
namjoon tears his eyes away.
hoseok nods and peels himself away.
namjoon threads his fingers through the omega's dishevelled hair. hoseok leans into the touch.
he's always been a little affection-deprived.
"stay in the nest, hoseok. please."
he grabs jinyoung and presses him to his chest, his heartbeat erratic. jinyoung plasters himself against the omega. mumbles a bit.
"mama, you're crushin' me. don' like it."
"s-sorry, honey. mama just wants to hold you tight. he's not feeling good." hoseok stumbles over his words.
he vaguely recognizes that he's in heat.
hoseok doesn't feel safe.
he wants yoongi, but he's terrified.
hoseok smooths the little boy's healthy black hair back with a shaky hand. tries to ignore the pain stabbing his gut. distracts himself with his son's pretty, thick hair.
hoseok's mouth goes dry as the scent /spikes/.
yoongi is in his apartment, and he smells /angry/.
hoseok recognises the heavy, quick footsteps as namjoon's. they're coming right back to the bedroom.
"seokkie." he sounds panicked, "please, hand over jinyoung."
hoseok cocks his head to the side. blinks. namjoon wants to take his pup? something primal and territorial tells hoseok's heat-addled brain that this is /wrong/.
hoseok's eyes well up with tears.
"you wanna take my pup away?" hobi whimpers.
yoongi's scent spikes again, stronger, and hoseok's completely delirious with heat.
"unca joon." he begs, and hoseok loosens his grip on his son. "i wan' unca joon-"
hoseok tries to ignore the stab of jealousy and sadness that pierces his heart.
"don't take 'im, please," hoseok feels the hot tears run, "please, he's all i got, he's my baby, please, don' take 'im-"
namjoon hugs jinyoung close to his chest as the little boy starts to sob as well.
it's a mess.
hoseok is wailing, snot and tears dripping from his chin. he grabs blindly for his son.
jinyoung is terrified and in tears.
he doesn't understand. hoseok doesn't understand why namjoon is taking his pup away.
namjoon grimaces, and wraps his arms protectively around jinyoung as he exits the bedroom.
he watches him prowl around the living room, hands tearing at his own hair. he locks eyes with namjoon, and his blood runs cold.
yoongi's his best friend, but his alpha side is terrifying.
he's staring at jinyoung.
he doesn't look down at the little boy, fearing that if he lost eye contact with yoongi, something bad would happen.
namjoon has to protect him.
he feels every hair on his body stand straight up.
he's lost in his headspace. namjoon can see it in his eyes.
"he's in pain, yoongi-hyung. he needs you." namjoon continues, and yoongi's growl penetrates the air.
"want my pup."
there's a muffled scream from the direction of hoseok's bedroom, and yoongi visibly tenses at it.
namjoon rocks jinyoung against his hip, the little boy's face buried into his scent gland.
his fingers twitch against his thighs.
namjoon finds it hard to watch him.
"go to him, hyung, he's hurting." namjoon coaxes, and yoongi wildly looks at him. looks at jinyoung, who is pressed into his chest and neck as if he was glued there.
"s-stop," jinyoung gasps, tears his face away from namjoon's neck, "help mama, please mister, please help my mama, /he's hurting/-"
namjoon orders him this time, hears hoseok's wails of "baby, jinyoungie-" increase in volume, feels his own eyes prickle with tears, "go now."
yoongi pulls his hand away as if he was burnt.
hoseok yells out in agony, loud and gut-wrenchingky clear, then yoongi is running down the hall.
the younger man is curled around himself, dry-heaving from the sobs wracking his frail, thin body.
the sour scent of premature heat settles moist in the air, assaulting his senses.
"seokkie," he gasps, "seok-ah, i'm here. alpha's here."
hoseok's head rises, bottom lip torn open and bloody, teeth still digging into the flesh.
this is that broken, primal side of the omega that was abandoned three years ago, and was left to suffer alone.
hoseok's face screws up in recognition, and yoongi is pulled into the nest.
"shh, shh. alpha's got you."
yoongi's palms press against hoseok's back, keeping him close.
yoongi's heart shatters.
all he can do is hold hoseok close.
"you knotted me, and then you /left/. was i- was i not good enough? was i... a bad omega?"
to wipe away the blood and the tears staining his face.
"you are the best omega. the only omega for me." yoongi is choking on his words. "i'm so sorry. alpha,,,, alpha is so, so sorry."
sweat beads on yoongi's forehead as he bares his neck in submission to the shattered omega.
presses his nose against the gland there, fingers frantically touching his chest, his arms, anywhere they can reach.
yoongi's fingers softly find the omega's hair.
"mine?" hoseok marvels, fingers tightening in the fabric at the chest of yoongi's shirt.
he's wide-eyed, pale, and sweating. he looks sick. he smells of heat and slick, and yoongi's fingers thread through his hair.
yoongi smooths his hair back gently. pushes it from his eyes.
"now you do, seok-ah."
yoongi's nose twitches as he leans in to scent the younger man, "i'm yours, and you're mine."
yoongi's hyperaware of the sudden shift in mood, of the quietness that blankets them.
the bedside lamp washes the room in a soft, muted yellow.
"alpha. i'm hurtin'."
"do you," yoongi bites his lip as hoseok inches closer, scents him again, "do you want me to take care of you?"
hoseok hides against his neck.
his subconscious wants him to shred hoseok into pieces and put him back together again.
he doesn't listen to it.
the omega falls back. stares at yoongi wordlessly as his face screws up in pain.
"good boy." yoongi pauses. looks. "seok-ah?"
hoseok makes a 'mm?' sound. it's cute.
"can i kiss you, seokkie?"
"yes," he says, voice a bit brighter, "yes, you can, alpha."
yoongi hovers over him, then presses his lips against the omega's, careful of the damaged skin of the bottom lip.
but, it's enough to have yoongi's heart thumping erratically against his ribs, have his arms tremble as he holds himself over hoseok.
it's kind of pathetic how a chaste kiss has yoongi weak in the knees.
then again, he's always been weak in the knees for hoseok.
"alpha, alpha, you're shaking like a leaf." he giggles weakly, and yoongi has to catch his breath.
"i'm sorry, honey." he says, smile threatening to tug at his lips, "i can't help it, you're so amazing. i can't believe you're mine."
"need you," he says, and yoongi can smell the way his scent is shifting.
it's getting sweeter, less toxic. he smells like he's less upset. it doesn't feel like a wet blanket suffocating yoongi anymore.
yoongi almost sighs in relief.
situates himself between hoseok's legs.
his fingers tap at the sliver of golden skin he can see where his shirt rises, and hoseok's skin breaks out into a clammy sweat.
he squirms a bit.
hoseok's scent is doing a lot to him, and with the added scent of jinyoung in the nest, it makes him even more protective.
yoongi could drop into rut.
he pays attention to the way hoseok breathes, splays a hand against hoseok's toned thigh to partly hold him open, partly provide an anchor pf reality for the distressed omega.
"hurts," hoseok mumbles. squirms a bit.
yoongi goes to pull his hand away.
"want me to stop?"
hoseok looks at him quickly. wildly. grabs yoongi's wrist to keep him locked inside.
he smooths a hand over hoseok's clammy skin. tugs on hoseok's dick a bit to distract him from the cramps and the ache from the slow prep.
yoongi's aware that he's throbbing.
yoongi can't afford to hurt hoseok more than he already has.
hoseok's a bit more responsive now.