Of course, it's such a common question that you can Google it easily and get 567 answers. Yet, people continue asking – because it's hard for historically monogamous folks to grasp.
Raise your hand if you've ever felt jealous ever in your life. 🙋🏻♀️ See? Look. It's all of us.
But I need us to separate out jealousy from possessiveness – because they're not the same.
Possessiveness is the demanding of someone's attention or love in totality. It's "You're mine."
The belief that someone owes you all of their love or attention is harmful. You do not own your partner; your partner does not belong to you. Your partner can only offer you so much, as they have other relationships to nurture, too.
Here's why: Jealousy is neither unique nor inherent to polyamory.
Because the answer should more or less be the same: You talk about it with your partner(s).
And that has more to do with possessiveness than jealousy.
Of course, not everyone *practices* monogamy this way (thank God). But it's how it's sold to us.
Well, to start, we've all already decided that we don't believe jealousy is the appropriate response to someone that we love (or date or sleep with) loving (or dating or sleeping with) someone else.
So while jealousy, as a normal emotion, still comes up, our response to it is very different from someone who practices monogamy.
The very act of one person having feelings for another person isn't inherently the root of the jealousy. So what is?
We talk. A lot. About the same things over and over again sometimes. We have conversations with all partners involved. We explore compromises so that everyone's needs are met. We take responsibility for our own feelings.
I don't know. How do you handle jealousy in monogamy?