Thread by @WTF_Judge

My 26 y/o nephew keeps talking about being an alpha male. So I’m taking subtle steps to make him humble up.

Step one: I’ve tripped him several times and challenged him to do something about it.

Next step is I will take his food.

I don’t tolerate that shit in my house.

Update 1: I’m not good at subtle

Update 2: bribing my 12 y/o to say “if you’re an alpha why doesn’t your beard connect?”

Any bets on whether this shithead will pull the “I would have enlisted but...” line today or later this week?

Update 3: we took a ride to the liquor store and made it so he had to sit bitch. Between my wife’s cousin and the car seat.

The empty car seat.

Update 4: HE IS MOVING BACK IN WITH MY SISTER

Much alpha. Such manly.

12 y/o has been instructed to drop beard connection line as soon as nephew mentions being an alpha again. He’s calmed down given the constant roasting. My sister is annoyed at him and his dad is on the way. He reminds me of the wannabe Viking son in every Viking show ever.

So @newnoiseworks sent me an awesome article about alpha behavior in wolfpacks in the wild versus captivity and I’m gonna drop it on my nephew as soon as my son owns him about his “beard.”

Thanks dude! Great read!

Update 6: he brought it up playing video games and my son dropped the line about his beard not connecting. I almost dropped the lasagna I’m working on I LOLd.

My son, without missing a beat, then adds says “whatever dude I bet you pee sitting down.”

I want to let him have his first whiskey tonight

(I won’t...probably)

“Your dad is on his way, so I want to tell you this before he gets here:
-you live with your parents
-you can’t do a single stereotypically manly thing (car work, shoot a gun, throw a spiral)
-you won’t do manly things you can do (be polite, open doors, help with home shit) 1/

-you have a fucked up perception of manhood that I blame on your reading blogs because your dad is not like this
-you are not an alpha, you’re just an asshole and assholes get punched in the face eventually
-cut that shit out right now before your old man destroys you 2/

I don’t know what’s come over you, but you’ve turned into the kind of kid I see getting kicked out of the Army every day. You have an attitude problem and only you can fix it. So get on it before a real “alpha” punches you in the teeth.

Good talk kid. Let’s go get lasagna 3/3

God I hope that sticks.

I also told him I waited this long to talk to him because I was trying to be patient. I told him that had he been a little cock to my wife, my sister, or my kids, this conversation would have been VERY different.

Update 9: he has been duly warned now. One more slip up and it’s asshole uncle judge.

Mid dinner update: he’s behaved. So far.

He got up during dessert. I ate his cheesecake. One final show of his lack of dominance.

He just praised Sebastian Gorka and OH MY GOD THIS ESCALATED

His dad has point. We are going to invite him out for a cigar. Then have a talk with him. It’s taking everything I have not to curb stomp his nutsack.

As you may imagine, Gorka and I have a history. It ended with him blocking me on Twitter after I mocked his JV mustang.

Update 12: we are now out in the back yard. He’s been trying to light a cigar and failing. I’m letting his dad take point in this talk.

He just asked in an indignant tone why I’ve been disrespecting him so much by - get this - “Looking at your fucking phone so much.”

In case anyone is wondering, that earned him a hand to the mouth. From his dad.

“You’re in the man’s house and being a little cock. Show some respect.”

I told him I’ve been live tweeting. He threatened to sue me. This is great.

“You are so alpha that when your dad tells you to shut it, you do. Now you get to listen.”

I’m letting his dad have a heart to heart with him. Giving them some space.

For context. Kid moved out when he was 18. Has a degree. Has been on his own for a while. He got laid off last fall and I *think* he and his girlfriend broke up. He’s been acting like a cock since he showed yesterday.

Not sure what is happening over there, but nephew looks like he’s about to burst into tears.

Ok. Nephew and brother in law came back over. Kid apologized and admitted he has a lot to work on. I accepted his apology and we are about to have a scotch and a cigar. I don’t know what his dad said to him. It’s between them. Hopefully that’s the end of this thread.

Merry Christmas everyone!