Hi friend. Is the approach of a new year and its uncertainties making you blue? Are suicidal thoughts coming back because another year ending where you struggled mightily? Is the thought of trying to keep going depressing? Then this thread is for you.
First, know that your pain is valid. I know everyone starts with "You are not alone!" but we all know how irritating that sounds like in times like this since everyone situation is unique as is their pain.
Which is where the suicide part comes in: "What good is me living like that?
A googolplex is 10 to the power of googol. A googol is 10 to the power of 100.
i.e. 10^10^100. Watch this:
It depends on how you define "mattering". What does it mean to matter? You could argue that you do not matter at all. Or at least you matter so little that in the grand scheme of things, your existence can be ignored.
And yet, here I am. Decades later, recounting how they mattered and continue to do so.
This is something that I've grappled with and so have many many of my friends. The answer is super easy and super complicated. But it starts with YOU.
I'll repeat that: YOU must matter to YOU before you matter to anyone else. This is simultaneously the easiest and the hardest part. Easy because it's easy to state. Hard because it's hard to practice.
But most of all, I hope the new year brings you people who care about you enough to remind you on a daily basis that you are wanted, cherished, loved and that you matter. Because you really do. <3 HNY <3