Me: “Dad, someone just said something really stupid on twitter and I want to tell them that this is like really the zenith of stupidity. Can I say, ‘We’ve just crossed the Rubicon' or would that be inaccurate?” . . .
My dad, scrolling on his phone now: “No! 49 BC. I was pretty close! So, according to Suetonius. . . . ”
My mom: “Suetonius!”
Me, “I don’t know who that is.”
My mom: “S-U-E-T. . .”
My dad, leaning towards me, a little appalled: “Are you not familiar with the Lives of the 12 Caesars?”
Me: “I don’t know that that is really what I’m going for. . . . .”
My mom, “They’ll say, ‘my UNDERWEAR? I should wash it? What?' They will be so confused.”