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Mangy Jay @magi_jay
, 9 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
this is an actual conversation that I just had w/ my parents:

Me: “Dad, someone just said something really stupid on twitter and I want to tell them that this is like really the zenith of stupidity. Can I say, ‘We’ve just crossed the Rubicon' or would that be inaccurate?” . . .
My dad: “Well, actually, I don’t think that’s the best usage. The Rubicon, you see, is a river in Northern Italy. . . . . "
". . . . and the year was 47 BC? I’m not quite sure if I have that right. Regardless, it was traditionally a border outside of which Roman commanders were supposed to keep their soldiers, so metaphorically. . . .”
My mom: “I know what you should say! Tell them to PULL UP THEIR SOCKS. That will confuse them!”
Me: “No, Mom, I don’t want to confuse anyone. I just want to tell them that what they just said is really stupid.

My dad, scrolling on his phone now: “No! 49 BC. I was pretty close! So, according to Suetonius. . . . ”
Me: “According to who?”

My mom: “Suetonius!”

Me, “I don’t know who that is.”

My mom: “S-U-E-T. . .”

My dad, leaning towards me, a little appalled: “Are you not familiar with the Lives of the 12 Caesars?”
My mom: “I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO! Tell them to go wash their underwear!”
My dad, “Wash their underwear? Oh, that IS good.”

Me: “I don’t know that that is really what I’m going for. . . . .”

My mom, “They’ll say, ‘my UNDERWEAR? I should wash it? What?' They will be so confused.”
My dad: “Oh, I’ve found the exact phrase now. . . . Alea iacta est. . . . .”
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