Advice I received in grad school: "stop writing every article like it's a book."

Tonight: staring at an 80 page article I need to magically edit into something vaguely comprehensible -- wondering why I never listen.
One of my many obnoxious academic faults - I get overly excited about a topic, and feel compelled to approach every single goddamn topic with the feverish, compulsive theoretical desire to produce a "unified field theory of X."

Then I wonder why I feel like such a fuck-up.
To stave off the perpetual imposter syndrome and gain some ethical certainty that I've done "enough research" (yeah, I know, impossible) - I wind up with a "Works Cited" that (ALONE) is easily 10 times the article's page limit.

And then, I freak out with "WHAT DID I MISS?!"
Sometimes I wish I could be that prototypical academic assclown who reads one article, and then pontificates about baseless bullshit for seemingly infinite pages that say NOTHING of substance, but remains arrogant enough to lack the shame that should accompany this nonsense.
I swear to God, my ideas are always AWESOME.

But I am definitely not smart enough to execute them - at least not without agonizing overworking that takes months and is still never good enough to satisfy me.

I am such a neurotic masochist. Clearly, academia is fated for me.
"Stop approaching every topic like it's a book, because then you write a book instead of an article. Stop it."

SOMEDAY I WILL LISTEN. SOMEDAY I WILL GET WORN OUT ENOUGH TO IMPLEMENT THIS DIRECTIVE.

Unfortunately, that day does not appear to be today.
Live-action photo of me working on my article “outline”
I’m cutting myself a break on this one, though, guys.

Between the Army of God fuckery and an entirely separate stalker situation (FUN TIMES), I think I can attribute my insomnia and subpar editorial focus on things other than ADHD and personal failure.

At least for tonight.
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