Tonight: staring at an 80 page article I need to magically edit into something vaguely comprehensible -- wondering why I never listen.
Then I wonder why I feel like such a fuck-up.
And then, I freak out with "WHAT DID I MISS?!"
But I am definitely not smart enough to execute them - at least not without agonizing overworking that takes months and is still never good enough to satisfy me.
I am such a neurotic masochist. Clearly, academia is fated for me.
SOMEDAY I WILL LISTEN. SOMEDAY I WILL GET WORN OUT ENOUGH TO IMPLEMENT THIS DIRECTIVE.
Unfortunately, that day does not appear to be today.
Between the Army of God fuckery and an entirely separate stalker situation (FUN TIMES), I think I can attribute my insomnia and subpar editorial focus on things other than ADHD and personal failure.
At least for tonight.