, 7 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
So, after my encounter with the bear, the National-Anthem singing HUD worker and that bus-full of nuns and orphans, I had to fly to Istanbul to donate one of my kidneys to a one-legged, elderly woman who thinks she’s a kangaroo. As I made my way through the airport I became aware
of the long line of travelers waiting in security. I looked up to see a single TSA agent working alone to protect our safety. In fact, while he was trying to ‘wand’ the old man in front of me, the same bear that attacked me JUMPED from inside the Caribou Coffee. It snarled at
the agent who laughed and said, ‘Bring it on you furry bastard!’ Just then, an ISIS terrorist appeared behind me, said something about wanting Burger King then charged in to attack the agent and the bear. I stood transfixed watching this brave federally contracted employee fight
off both threats. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the agent cuffed the ISIS guy who was actually not a terrorist but just a hungry, bearded guy who REALLY wanted a Whopper. The bear ran off because as we already know, as far as bears go he’s a total wussy. As I started
taking off my shoes, Chuck Norris showed up and told the agent how amazing he had been protecting us from the bear and the BK guy. Chuck said, ‘Maybe it’s time for Trump to cave and open the government,’ and the beaten, battered, weary agent grabbed him by his shirt and said,
‘Trump must never stop fighting.’ I was so moved by his statement that I felt the entire weight of his situation fall on my shoulders and I began to cry. To my right there was a young girl in a wheelchair who began singing ‘God Bless America,’ and then the HUD employee showed
up and joined in the singing, which of course made the bear cry.

Yes, this is all bullshit, but it’s just as believable as @RashidaTlaib’s story about going through TSA. And at least mine was somewhat entertaining. ;) 🐰🇺🇸
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