Picard: but first let's check in with wesley
Picard: wesley how do you feel about this
wesley: golly jeepers wow
Dr. Crusher: as a mother let me just say
Dr. Crusher: actually wesley is so smart they hooked him up to a computer to try to teach it some things, but he had so much knowledge, it overloaded, and then it got really hot and caught on fire!
Picard: that didn't happen did it
Wesley: golly jeepers captain i don't see what the big problem is, all that's happening is the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion
[everyone stares at wesley in pants-shitting awe of his pure genius]
Gene Roddenberry: i've been thinking and i've got some notes about the show
Roddenberry: wesley should be smarter and more infallible
Roddenberry: and whenever wesley's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, "Where's wesley?"
Dr. Crusher: sometimes my son wanders into restricted areas and gets his head stuck in the jeffries tubes
Dr. Crusher: just like a normal teenage genius
picard: yeah well you kinda have to
picard: seeing as that's the only job in the future
picard: unless you're a huge asshole, then you can be an ambassador
Gene Roddenberry: can you put in a bit where an alien tells picard how smart wesley is
Duane: um
Roddenberry: wesley is the key to everything
Roddenberry: I’ve told them like 100 times that he’s super smart!
Roddenberry: People love weird ass-kissing volcel dorks who constantly correct everyone around them
Roddenberry: WHAT CHARACTER HASN’T SAID HOW SMART WESLEY IS YET?
Duane: uhhh worf?
Roddenberry: MAKE WORF SAY IT
Wesley: just a normal thing that a normal teenager would want
Wesley: nurrrrghhh i don't know how to have a boner, i only like science, nuuuuurrrghhhh
Picard: oh yeah thats a real shame, real shame
Picard: gotta respect their customs tho, you know
Picard: prime directive and all that
Dr Crusher: but
Picard: PRIME DIRECTIVE
picard: look i know you're upset cuz he's your son but have you considered you could do better
*several days after wesley's death*
Dr.Crusher: yeah with the benefit of hindsight you're right, wesley fuckin sucked
Picard: actually humans are good
Q: [sweats, forehead veins throb in fury]
picard: what again
picard: how many episodes have we done where you want humans to prove
Q: in my test, all humans now have tails
Riker: wesley, i will make you adult
Riker: data, i will make you human
Riker: jean luc, i will give you hair
Klingon woman: [ruts against worf like a feral cat]
worf: yeah this is great
jordi: jeez you call this sex
WOW NICE KINK SHAMING JORDI JEEZ