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@angrykittenpaws Oh geez now I feel a thread coming on
Okay so my Gen-X thread is this and I need to make it short:

Gen-X, my people, I still think we are in the scapegoat / identified patient role.
What this means: That member of the family expresses the pain of the family, which is dumped at them by pathologizing them ("You're the crazy one, not us!")

Meanwhile, their needs or even existence may be ignored or pushed into background.
The scapegoat, however, is usually the one with the clearest understanding and least denial of how fucked up the family is. Because it is exhausting and painful to hold the hurt of the whole family.
The scapegoat will be the one family member who is sent to treatment while the rest deny any part in the family pathology. "Things are fine in our family, that member is just a wreck for some reason of their own doing."
In treatment, the scapegoat may start recovery and then return to the family ready to do things differently.
At this point, the family will redouble their efforts to pull them back into the dysfunctional system, which may or may not work. The scapegoat may or may not be able to stand their ground against the family system.
So the scapegoat gets healthy or gets crushed.

The other system members either start facing their own pain or double down on dysfunction/denial.
If the scapegoat is able to stay healthy *and* stay engaged (which is fucking exhausting and may not be possible), they may be a gateway for the recovery of other family members.
Or the scapegoat may have to separate from the system just to stay alive. And they may still bring the internalized dynamics with them (self-destruction).
So we have a whole generation (Gen-X) that is living out all of these outcomes at once.
All of us experienced the alienation of "Your needs aren't important, take care of yourself AND me" and either complied or rebelled (or some combination)
Some of us got into healing, in order to heal ourselves and our systems insofar as we can.
Some of us just died from carrying it and are still doing so. The Cobain identification/turning point is not a coincidence.
So Gen-X ushered in this age of recovery, but at a great cost.

So I don't want to hear ANY more about how Gen-X did nothing or were slackers or "passive."

That's exactly what the devaluing of emotional work looks like in a dysfunctional system.
Now unpacking this I finally understand why I've felt so angry hearing that repeated the past few weeks.

FOH with that "Gen-X was passive" BS.
I've had a lot of inchoate feelings about Gen-X characterizations lately but finally I have "a take."

CW: suicide, recovery, family

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