Peter Wolf Profile picture
Mar 14, 2019 24 tweets 8 min read Read on X
England, 2024
Led by Gov Sadiq Khan, the Free City of London applies for EU membership.

Though wary of Jacobites, a panicked Lord Protector Boris the Pasty orders Chief Justiciar Rees-Mogg's army away from the bloody Snowdonia Front to reinforce the assault on the Luton Salient.
Meanwhile, in Ulster, Protestant and Catholic alike has found it rather easy to accustom themselves to things like the Euro, harp-embossed burgundy passports, and no food queues.
While High Constable Ashdown remains confident in the Metropolitan Militia's ability to defend Luton and hold the Chiltern Line against the Royalist offensive, there are fears that the more militant Corbynite Action Committees may be planning an insurrection behind the lines.
Though there are still disputes over oil and the occasional Unionist mail bomb, life in Scotland has been rather sleepy since independence. Many are wondering whether PM Sturgeon will stay on to preside over the fifth anniversary celebrations of Scotland's admission to the EU.
From his hold deep in the abandoned coal mines of South Wales, Bard-King Tom sings the war songs of his people as Royalist jets blast the coked earth overhead into a smoldering hellscape.

A sun will rise, the Songster sings,
A sun will rise all red
To melt away the Saesneg boot!
Despite hopes of anti-Royalist forces in the North coalescing into a much needed Second Front, the Yorkshire Milneite Brigades have focused on purging territories under their control of “Blairites” and “Red Tory Scum.”
Whenever asked if they regret relocating to Canada, and whether they would consider returning to England, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex find it impossible to restrain their laughter.
Having declared independence just as several Vanguard-class submarines were holidaying at Penzance, the Republic of Kernow finds itself among the world’s nuclear powers.

A hefty bargaining chip when negotiating terms of Re-Union with Lord Protector Boris’s flailing regime.
Confronted by reporters at a Mykonos hotel, former PM Theresa May castigates the Greek press for its denigrating portrayal of the English and rude cartoons ridiculing “Anglo-Saxon Spongers,” before asking if anyone would like a newspaper or coffee with their morning wake up call.
In Leicester, locals are beginning to get fed up with the queues at Tesco.
In Rosenfeld, Manitoba (pop. 4,125), newcomers Cam Davidson and wife Gwen look forward to a quiet life away from the "hustle and bustle and shaming oinks" of city life.
England 2024

Traveling down the M6 has become rather a lot more interesting since the Sundering, despite the best efforts of Lord Protector Boris's troops and their "convoy system."
Though he hasn't been seen in public for three years, Jeremy Corbyn remains alive and well, contrary to "Red Tory Blairite ZioScum slander." Commissar Milne assures us that the Absolute Boy is directing the great class struggle from his secure location with "Stakhanovite vigor."
Transferring through Birmingham New Street station just isn't what it used to be.
England 2024

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU VOTED CUK?!"
England 2024

Nigel Farage has not stopped laughing in five years. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, our Nigel. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.
Though enjoying its independence and a growing reputation as the "Monaco of the North," the Manx Consortium and the merchant-princes of its Governing Board struggle to cope with the waves of refugees fleeing across the Irish Sea from the war zones of Northern England.
ENGLAND 2024

"I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commu—"

"Dan, now is not the time."
ENGLAND 2024

"Seems silly now, I s'pose. But it just sounded so nice, y'know? Havin' a blue passport 'n all. Anyways, I hear they still got some food in this next village."
Scots from Shetland to Stranraer tune in to watch the opening ceremonies of the 2024 Summer Games in Paris, anxious for their team to improve upon its disappointing premiere at Beijing's 2020 Winter Games.
ENGLAND 2024

From his stronghold on Anglesey, Chief Justiciar Rees Mogg plots. And dreams. He doesn't mind being in Lord Protector Boris's pale shadow. For now.

He is patient, is Rees Mogg, for he knows that he who controls the Emergency Jaffa Cake Reserves controls everything.
ENGLAND 2024

“Don’t you worry, Ma’am. We’ll make sure you get your toilet paper ration home safe and sound.”
ENGLAND 2024

Despite the Royalists' otherwise firm hold over the Midlands, an Anarchist insurrection has left the newly-declared "Free Borough of Northampton" under the control of the Guy Fawkes Collective and their mysterious leader, known only as "The Mandrill."
ENGLAND 2024

Though considered legally unfit to govern, images of King Charles III ("Barmy King Charlie") are occasionally circulated by Lord Protector Boris to keep up Royalist morale.

Here His Majesty poses at his Highgrove hermitage, surrounded by his closest advisors.

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More from @peterawolf

Oct 13, 2022
I remember when people said this about Sanders.

Which isn’t to knock Ocasio-Cortez, but rather the whole idea of litmus tests linked to personalities rather than… y’know, issues.
For myself, the Syria Test remains the best litmus for someone's politics I've come across in the past 11 years.
The irony of all of this coming from the OP is that a major aspect of the socialist critique was to get away from the bourgeois politics of personality.
Read 4 tweets
Oct 12, 2022
Yeah, what could go wrong if neighborhoods form vigilante gangs to obstruct traffic and violate city ordinance?
My favorite thing about anti-car urbanism Twitter is that they seem constitutionally incapable of understanding backlash, even when they’re not LARPing as civil rights activists.
The number of times I've sincerely wished cycling activists well and expressed sympathy for their goals only for them to whine about how I'm being insufficiently supportive and clearly want people to die while they're just trying to save the world is... indicative at this point.
Read 4 tweets
Sep 8, 2022
Holding Queen Elizabeth personally responsible for colonialism when her reign oversaw basically the entirely of decolonization is… certainly a take.
*entirety

Ugh
Fun fact: neither of them were her decision because that’s not how government works 🤦‍♂️
Read 5 tweets
Jan 21, 2022
Yeah, because Sanders has proven so effective at wooing Senate Republicans over to his side.
People need to learn to fucking count.

Thankfully, our NATO allies are here to help.
Every braying objection to this has either been people who can’t count, or people who think Executive Orders are bulletproof and also can’t count.
Read 5 tweets
Jan 19, 2021
"Fascism is statism run amok" isn't even conservative propaganda; it's plutocratic and anarcho-libertarian propaganda.

That Mussolini quote is from a speech delivered after he had embarked upon his very public effort to transform the Kingdom of Italy into a "Fascist State."
European fascists saw the state as yet another tool for their movement, which was embodied by the Leader and his Party.

Fascism's relationship with the state has been one of tension, even where fascists achieved power, as the State was forced to compete with Party institutions.
The conservative stance on fascism has always been, "It's good so long as it attacks liberals and leftists (who are crypto-communists anyways) and doesn't hurt my Bottom Line."

Churchill and a handful of other conservative statesmen breaking with that has fooled a lot of people.
Read 5 tweets
Jul 23, 2019
they saed we wolde be free
that we was tacan bac our own
that the healan haus wolde be unbroc
aglitter agan with riches and hop
that lic a sun cum risan a proud folc
scruggan off the furrin yeoc

they sæd we wolde be free
sæd them lies to yu
saed them lies to me

–Tuttyl of Lincs
ENGLAND 2024

Swift and lethal as a jaguar’s kiss, the mysterious Brotherhood of Assacyclists has no allies on the battlefields of Britain—only clients and victims.

Yet they thirst, these wheelriders. Thirst for the blood of she what spurned them. Thirst for the Swedish Unicorn.
ENGLAND 2024

Following the Royal Navy’s bombardment of Aberstwyth and the burning of the National Library, the Free Wales Army has escalated its insurgency against Lord Protector Boris‘s regime.

Costa, Greggs, Oliver Bonas and other luxury ration stores are favored FWA targets.
Read 14 tweets

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