Thread by @mingisgcf

— yeonbin au

where one night, soobin calls the suicide hotline hoping for some reassurance.

what he wasn’t expecting was for his ex boyfriend, yeonjun, to answer his his call.

- txt are blocked bc this is heavy angst
- very very heavy angst
- social media and text
- trigger warnings: depression and suicide etc.
- will be fluff
- all txt members will be over 18
- this is just a FIC
- enjoy :)

also disclaimer, i saw this idea somewhere ages ago but it wasn’t written or anything it was just a prompt so credits to that person. i can’t remember who it was but yeah, i do hope they don’t mind.

!!!! time and dates don’t matter

profiles:

yeonjun
-sweetheart who loves helping people
-soobin’s ex boyfriend
-college student and part time volunteer at suicide call centre
-friends with kai and taehyun

soobin
-major depression
-college student
-only friend is beomgyu

profiles pt2:

beomgyu
-soobin’s only friend
-friends with taehyun
-college student

taehyun
-friends with yeonjun and kai
-bit of a bad boy
-college student

kai
-friends with taehyun and yeonjun
-works at the call centre
-college student
-softy
-has a crush on beomgyu

1.

years had passed and soobin was progressively worsening. he stopped showing up at school, he barely ate and slept, he felt as if the entire world was caving in on him.

six months ago, soobin broke up with his most caring boyfriend yeonjun. he was a complete sweetheart.

six months ago, soobin planned to break up with his boyfriend to avoid hurting him today, the day he planned to end his life.

he had everything ready, his pills, his blade, the bath tub was full, and he had his notes for his family and best friend written out neatly on the side

soobin was pacing around his room. he looked at his clock. eight pm. he had two hours before his family got home. he picked up his phone and stared at it for minutes, as if contemplating. before realising he was wasting more time, he called the suicide hotline.

it took two rings before the call was answered. soobin’s eyes shed tears and his voice got all choked up at the sound of the person on the other end, speaking gently as they said, “hello, this is seoul suicide hotline, this is yeonjun speaking.”

soobin stayed quiet, scared.

he saddened at the mention of his ex boyfriends name. more tears falling.

“hello?” the voice on the other end called out after minutes of silence. soobin didn’t have the courage to speak, instead he sobbed into the phone.

“what’s your name?” the voice spoke again.

soobin realised he had nothing left to lose.

“yeonjun hyung, it’s me.” he choked out. “it’s soobin.”

a small gasp was heard on the other end of the line. “soobinnie? why are you calling this number, hmm? did you know my shift times here? you have my personal number.”

yeonjun was beyond confused, yet he refused to think of the worst.

“n-no, i-“ soobin stuttered he didn’t know what to do, what to say.

“soobin, what’s going on?” yeonjun spoke, his voice cracking slightly, all his emotions and hurt flooding back like a tsunami.

“i c-came for reassurance. but now i know it’s you, i’m saying g-goodbye, hyung.” the younger stuttered out.

“no. no soobin, what’re you thinking?” yeonjun spoke softly, afraid of what was happening.

“i’m sorry for causing you so much hurt, i never stopped loving you hyung.”

“then w-why did you end it? end us?” yeonjun was quick with his words, scared that the conversation would end.

“you deserve better hyung. i didn’t want you to be hurt when today would come. i didn’t want you to be sad, but now you are. and i can’t live knowing i made you sad.”

“why are you doing this love? think about your family, and beomgyu. you’ll break his heart. you’ll break my heart, and i don’t think i can deal with that twice.” yeonjun spoke, tears falling down his own face.

“i’m sorry, hyung. i’m happy your voice is the last thing i hear.”

“don’t say that binnie, you wouldn’t have called if you didn’t have the least bit of hope for holding on.”

“i just wanted to clear my head with a stranger before i go. but thank you for picking up hyung. thank you for loving me even when i hurt you. goodbye hyung, i love you.”

before yeonjun got a chance to respond, the call had ended.

soobin put his phone down and let his tears fall endlessly. he looked at his reflection and sighed heavily, picking up the prescription pills and emptying the bottle in his hand, a slight smile on his face.

before he knew it, soobin had swallowed the pills dry. taking a step back as he turned to face the water filled bath. he climbed in, fully dressed, blade in hand. he ruthlessly cut where he thought he could easily hit a vain. lowering his head under the bloody water-

his tears dissolved.

he remained there for about twenty minutes before feeling the pills and blood loss making him slip in and out of a state. he smiled to himself.

this is it. then end to all my suffering. he thought. his eyes were closed and his breathing slowed.

goodbye.

2. meanwhile...

3. beomgyu is on his way

4. beomgyu paced down his street barefoot, reaching soobin’s house almost immediately. all the lights were off besides the slight glimmer showing through the crack of the door at the front window. the boy scurried to the front door, busting it open before running up the stairs.

he made his way to the en suite in soobin’s room, barging the door down. the sight before him broke his heart.
his best friend of eight years, laying in the bloody water of the bath tub, covered in cuts, barely awake. beomgyu didn’t notice the tears running down his own face.

“soobin!” beomgyu rushed to the older pulling his body out of the tub. he laid him on the floor, leaning his head on his knees.

“soobin, stay with me please.” the boy had never felt so panicked. he checked for soobin’s pulse before hearing people entering the house.

5. “help!” the younger screamed, realising it was the paramedics.
everything after that was a blur.

beomgyu getting gently shoved out of the way, trying to put up a fight before a paramedic held him back. soobin getting carried away into the ambulance as it pulled away from the house. soobin’s family coming home, his mother going to comfort the boy she treated as her own son.

tears were endlessly running down soobin’s mother’s face. his father and eldest brother following the ambulance to the hospital, whilst his other two siblings watched the scene before them unfold, the expressions showing pure shock and horror. it was all just one big blur.

6. please come

#yeonbinau #yeonjun #soobin #txt

7. beomgyu sat with soobin's mom and dad in the waiting room, nervous to say the least. all they knew was that soobin was going to be okay, eventually. the three of them sat in silence before a young choi yeonjun made an entrance to the hospital.

8. "beomgyu. mr and mrs choi." he said quietly, afraid.

"yeonjun, son. it's good to see you boy." soobin's father sat up and calmly embraced yeonjun, his mother following the action.

beomgyu stood from his seat as well, standing in front of yeonjun.

9. "it's been a while." yeonjun said, embracing the younger.

"yeah, if only it were better circumstances." beomgyu responded, frown evident on his face as he pulled away from yeonjun.

"how is he?" yeonjun asked, dreading the possible answers he's conjured already in his head.

10. "as far as we kno-"

"family of choi soobin?" a doctor spoke up interrupting soobin's father. all heads turned to face the rather young looking doctor.

"yes, that's us. how is he sir?" soobin's mother asked, walking closer to where the doctor was standing.

11. "he's stable, but he needs some rest. for safety procedures he'll be on suicide watch for 72 hours. he can leave in three days if he's better." the doctor calmly spoke, a soft smile on on his face. there were many sighs of relief from the family and beomgyu, and yeonjun.

12. "w-when can we see him?" beomgyu questioned.

"unfortunately visiting hours are over, but one person is able to stay the night on the spare bed in his room." the doctor explained.

yeonjun looked over to soobin's parents.

13. "i know he's your son, but is there any chance i can stay with him?" he asked, a look of hope in his eyes.

"i think it's best i-"

14. "of course you can, sweetheart." soobin's mother interrupted. "if it hadn't have been for you, he could be dead." she choked out a sob she had been holding in, reality only just hitting her. soobin's father held his mother as she cried, trying not to let his own tears fall.

15. "thank you mrs choi." he smiled, softly stroking her arm in appreciation before softly smiling at his father. he turned to face beomgyu. "thank you for getting to him on time, i'll stay in contact, yeah?"

16. "thanks hyung." beomgyu held a small smile.

yeonjun turned to the doctor, who gestured for him to follow. the boy turned back to the soobin's family and let out a small goodbye before following after the doctor.

17.

18.

19.

20. hours had passed and yeonjun had found it a struggle to stay asleep. the sun was slowly rising as it was about five in the morning. this was the third time he'd woken up in the past four hours. he sighed before sitting up and grabbing his phone.

21. he moved to sit in the chair next to the window, a clear view of the sun rising over the small buildings, the sounds of birds chirping and the soft breeze entering from the slightly open window. it felt so calm and relaxing.

22. "y-yeonjun?" a small voice was heard.

yeonjun immediately snapped his head round to the voice, thoughts interrupted as soobin lay before him finally awake.

23. "soobin." he said. his expression relaxed into a small smile. he stood up and walked to the bed where soobin lay. he knelt by the edge of the bed, and held soobin's hand in his. "i am so fucking glad your awake." he spoke, leaning his head on the bed, kissing the his hand.

24. there was a short yet suffocating silence between the two.

"why'd you do it, binnie?" yeonjun finally spoke, his voice cracking slightly.

"hyung, i-" soobin struggled to get words out at the time. his throat was sore from having his stomach pumped of the pills.

25. "a-aren't you mad?" the younger boy spoke softly.

"no baby, no. of course not. if anything i'm mad at myself for not being there for you. and for not noticing when we were together. is this why you broke up with me? to try and kill yourself?"

26. yeonjun's voice was barely above a whisper. tears falling down his cheeks at the sight before him.

"i'm sorry, hyung." soobin's voice was soft yet raspy.

27. he didn't think he had any tears left until he started sobbing in his hands. yeonjun immediately sat up and laid down next to the younger, pulling him into a tight embrace, letting him cry in his chest.

28. "shh, love, don't be sorry. i am always here for you, and i always will be. none of this is your fault." yeonjun stroked soobin's hair, calming him down.

minutes had passed before soobin's sobs had lessened, now only few tears falling from his eyes.

29. "why did you do it, binnie? talk to me hm?" yeonjun hadn't let go of soobin, his hand still softly stroking the younger's head.

30. "i'm fed up of everything hyung. you were the best thing that happened to me but i had to let you go, and i'm sorry for that." soobin paused when he felt yeonjun place a soft kiss on the top of his head. "i'm failing art, hyung."

31. yeonjun was shocked. art was soobin's major in college, his passion.

"h-how? you're so good at it. it's what makes you, you." yeonjun spoke softly.

32. "i lost my motivation. you, hyung. i lost you. and i am the one to blame. when i broke up with you i just kept thinking of how tired i was and how much everyone would be better off without me, and so i planned a date to leave."

33. "at the time i wasn't one hundred percent sure about it. but the thought was always there, hyung." soobin explained. "i sound so pathetic." he raised his hand to wipe the tears falling. "i don't know why this has happened to me, hyung. nothing bad has happened to me."

34. "i feel so fucking selfish for this but i couldn't help it." soobin paused. "am i fucked up hyung?"

"am i a freak?"

35. "no, baby. don't ever think that. you are not selfish, nor a freak. you are so very strong for staying with us, even if you didn't want to." yeonjun held soobin's face in his hand, looking into his teary eyes, held with every emotion, yet nothing but a dark abyss within them.

36. "soobin. do you- do you hear voices or anything?" yeonjun asked, concerned for the boy.
"nothing but my own dumb conscience." he muttered in response.
yeonjun let out a slight sigh of relief, just letting himself hold the younger for just a while more.

37. "what time is it, junnie?" yeonjun looked up a little, not hearing the nickname in a very long time, a soft smile spreading across his face.

"it's nearly five thirty am. go back to sleep, love. i'll be here when you wake up."

38. "i love you hyung."

"i love you too, binnie. so much." yeonjun replied, more tears falling as he held onto soobin for dear life. he's not going anywhere, not anymore. not now, not ever. he was here to stay.

39.

40.

41. soobin opened his eyes slowly, letting hem adjust to the morning sun. he smiled at the feel of yeonjun's warmth, his arms wrapped around the younger.

"good morning angel." he heard yeonjun's raspy morning voice. oh how he missed it.

42. "good morning hyung."

yeonjun sat up a bit, checking the time on his phone. ten am. "we slept for quite a bit longer, huh."

"i sleep better when i'm hugging something." soobin admitted.

43. "i remember." yeonjun smiled ever so softly.

"has the nurse not been in yet?" soobin asks anxiously.

44. "as far as i'm aware, no." yeonjun spoke, he climbed out of the bed careful not to hurt soobin, pulling the chair by the window closer to the younger boy's bed. "i should probably get someone though." yeonjun stands to leave the room.

45. "hyung, please don't" soobin had a look of pure fear in his eyes, obviously not ready to face the reality of this all.
yeonjun turned with the softest look on his face. "listen love, they're gonna make you better okay? you have absolutely nothing to be afraid of-

46. -you're still going to be here until tomorrow atleast. i'll be here right by your side."
soobin sighed as he watched yeonjun exit the room, coming back with a doctor almost immediately.

47. "goodmorning, soobin-ssi. i'm doctor kim, you'll be dealing with me during your time here. how are you feeling?" the young doctor asked the frightened boy.

48. "fine, i guess." soobin was hesitant and slightly panicking before yeonjun sat in the chair next to him and held his hand, stroking it to calm him.

49. before the doctor could get another word out, soobin's parents entered to room, rushing to hug their son immediately.

"soobin, oh my god. you had us so worried." his mother spoke up, letting go of him.

50. "don't ever do something like this again, you're mother nearly had an heart attack." his father chipped in, stroking soobin's hair calmly.

51. "mr and mrs choi, we need to run some psychiatric exams on your son, if that's okay with you soobin-ssi. and you'll be speaking to our psychiatrist here tomorrow." doctor kim spoke to both soobin and his parents.

52. "now, we need to discuss treatment for your son. if you'd like to follow me outside." doctor kim was speaking to his parents, making the poor boy more anxious. soobin sat silently, thinking of the outcomes.

53. "don't overthink bub, everything's going to be okay. i promise." yeonjun spoke softly, heart breaking still for the boy beside him.

"you don't know that." soobin had snapped, immediately apologizing after. "i need to use the restroom. can you help me up, hyung?"

54. the older helped him up, holding the wires attached to his iv. soobin was weak on his feet, yet he just needed to get out of the room, feeling a if the walls were closing in on him and his thoughts.

the two walked out of the door, dragging the iv along with them.

55. doctor kim and his parents were sat around the corner, soobin could just about make out what they were saying.

"your son may need to see a therapist continuously to get back on track, or he might need to be kept in our psychiatric ward for his own safety."

56. that was all the boy could make out. he walked away, pulling the iv out of him, panic hitting him like a truck. yeonjun quick on his tail as soobin made a quick escape in the elevator, closing the doors before yeonjun could enter, faintly hearing the voice of the older.

57. everything was cloudy for soobin, his vision blurred, his head pounding. he didnt want to be kept away secluded in mental ward. he wanted to be dead. otherwise he wouldn't be here in the first place.

58. selfish. that's all anyone ever is. he never asked to be born, never asked for anyone to care about him. he was not happy. at all. he just wanted to escape.
he reached the top floor, seeing the roof top sign almost immediately. he stumbled up the stairs and through the door-

59. - of the roof, making his way to the edge.
endless streams of tears rolling down his face, loud sobs and screams leaving his mouth, before a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist. he struggled in yeonjun's hold.

60. "let go of me" "get off me!" "let me die." he sobbed and screamed, fighting desperately against yeonjun's strong arms.

"you are not going to leave me. not again." yeonjun screamed back, making sure his words were heard by the younger.

61. "no! stop it! i said let go of me!" the screaming and panicking wasn't ending.

others on the top floor must have heard the commotion through the cracked door before rushing towards the two boys, holding soobin back.

"let me go! just stop" he howled. "just let me die."

62. his voice became weaker, along with his limbs. the boy falling down, yet being held by two men. they must have gave him something to knock him out.
yeonjun was crying, afraid and broken for soobin. the younger was drousy, hearing faint voices before everything went black.

63. everyone’s sad :(

64. soobin had woken up in the same bed, confused. he tried to rub his tired eyes but his hands were restricted to the bed, causing him to panic.

"hey, hey. don't do that. everything's okay." yeonjun was by his side in seconds.

"h-hyung. what h-happened?" the boy was scared.

65. "you had a bit of a panic attack, love. everything's okay now." the older boy held soobin's hand, knowing how to calm him.

the door to the room opened and stood there was the doctor, another man, and soobin's parents.

66. "baby, my god. stop scaring us like that." his mother cried. soobin immediately felt guilty.

"soobin, we're gonna leave you to talk to our psychiatrist, doctor min. we'll be back to talk to you later, okay?" doctor kim spoke. soobin looked terrified.

67. "h-hyung, can you stay?" soobin asked shyly before turning to the doctor. "p-please, can he stay? please?" the younger boy pleaded. the doctor turned to look at his parents who nodded. the doctor nodded as well before leaving the room.

68. as soon as the door shut, the psychiatrist took a seat the opposite side of the bed from yeonjun. "so, soobin-ssi, i'm doctor min. please don't be afraid to speak yourself. if it makes you feel any better, i can ask questions, and you can give me answers." doctor min spoke.

69. "how long have you been feeling down, and having suicidal thoughts?" soobin cringed at the first question before answering simply. "nearly a year." the doctor was writing on the clipboard.

"okay, can i ask why you did it? did something traumatic happen?"

70. soobin fidgeted with his hands, feeling yeonjun's on his. "it's okay, love. tell him what you told me."

"nothing traumatic happened. i-it was just my brain." soobin answered the best way he could think.

71. "i see. do you hear voices? or see things?" soobin shook his head 'no' in response. "that's good then."

"when you say it was just your brain, do you feel like the smallest of things make you feel down?" soobin nodded, still looking at yeonjun's hand on his.

72. "can you describe to me how you would feel on a normal day?" doctor min asked patiently, observing the boy.

"i'd feel fine. i don't know. s-sometimes, i just get really triggered, and start thinking this w-way."

73. "okay i'm going to ask you some yes or no questions, if it's easier." the doctor spoke gently as he flipped the page on his clipboard. "have you had loss of appetite, or overeating?"
soobin nodded.
"have you had difficulty concentrating, in class for example?"
soobin nodded.

74. "have you had feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness or pessimism?" to that, soobin nodded.

"have you had trouble sleeping, or oversleeping?" once again, the young boy nodded. his eyes shifting to look at yeonjun every now and again.

75. "have you had loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies?" soobin nodded, feeling yeonjun squeeze his hand in reassurance. he felt as if this session was dragging too long.

"have you been persistently sad, anxious, or having "empty" moods?" the boy kept nodding.

76. "i'm going to ask you a few more, and then i'll leave you to it, okay?" soobin bit his lip, and nodded.

" have you had disconnected and very fast thoughts?" soobin nodded.

"inappropriate elation or euphoria?" soobin shook his head 'no' this time.

77. "inappropriate irritability?" soobin looked at doctor min, "kind of." he quietly responded.

"increased sexual desire?" soobin blushed at the question, avoiding eye contact with both yeonjun and the doctor, hearing a soft chuckle escape yeonjun's lips as he shook his head.

78. "okay, that's pretty much it. for the next few weeks, i'd like you to come see me at least once. stay strong soobin-ssi. keep fighting." the doctor smiled before standing up and leaving the room, exchanging 'goodbye's to the other two.

79. as soon as he had left the room yeonjun looked at soobin, a small smile on his face.
"that wasn't so hard, was it?"
"no but i hate talking about me."
"it's just to make you better, love. i'll never leave your side." yeonjun smiled, pulling soobin into him for a hug.

80. "i think you lied about the last question." soobin looked up before pulling away.
"h-hyung." his eyes were wide, an obvious blush on the younger's cheeks.
"did you tell the truth binnie?" yeonjun raised an eyebrow.

81. "it was just one question, hyung. i doubt it'll make a difference." soobin looked at his hands, his cheeks heating up again. yeonjun placed his hand under soobin's chin, "look at me, love."

82. soobin did, his eyes flickering from each of yeonjun's beautiful ones, down to his lips, in a triangular motion. neither boy realised how close their faces were. just inches apart. the feeling of need and want present in the both of them. a small kiss wouldn't hurt, right?

83. just as the two boys' lips were about to meet, the door to soobin's room opened, his parents and doctor kim entering. the two pulled away from each other quicker than the speed of light.

84. "so, soobin-ssi, doctor min gave us the results of the evaluation test. you have what's know as manic depression, or bipolar disorder. it's not necessarily caused by something traumatic, but more from hormonal imbalances with lack of serotonin, in your case.

85. before you leave tomorrow we'll be giving you antipsychotic medication and antidepressants. we discussed keeping you here at the hospital to get you treated better, but have decided instead for you to just come in weekly to see doctor min." doctor kim explained the situation.

86. soobin just nodded and looked at his parents, as if expecting them to say something.

"don't worry, son. you'll get better." his father commented, a soft smile present.

"i'll leave you guys to talk and what not, and i'll be back to change your bandages soon."

87. doctor kim nodded at them before leaving.

"yeonjun-ah, you should probably go back home and get some rest, and eat something. you look exhausted." soobin's mother spoke. "we'll stay with him, and you can see him tomorrow when he leaves."

88. "i don't mind staying with him." yeonjun insisted.

"please, get some rest at home. we'll see you tomorrow." the three stood up.

"can i just speak to him real quick? alone?" yeonjun asked, politely.

89. "of course." soobin's parents left the room temporarily. as soon as the door was shut yeonjun sat close to soobin.

"i don't want you to go hyung." soobin pouted.

"i don't want to either love, but it seems your parents want to get rid of me." yeonjun chuckled.

90. "they just want you to rest. you do look exhausted."

"i would be when you have me worried like this." yeonjun moved his face closer to soobin, staring into his eyes as he placed his hand on the younger's cheek, gently caressing it.

91. "binnie, you know i'll always be here for you right? i've never stopped loving you, and maybe we can just start again."

"c-can i kiss you, hyung?" soobin stuttered.

"please do."

92. and so they did. the spark was still there. the fireworks and the butterflies. it was all there. nothing but love and passion.

it was a true love's kiss.

93.

94.

95.

96. soobin had spent all evening with beomgyu, the younger crying on his shoulder, never feeling so frightened to lose his best friend. soobin felt ashamed and guilty that his actions hurt so many people.

97. they talked all night until visiting hours were over, about everything and nothing. soobin's feelings for yeonjun. beomgyu's new crush on one of yeonjun's friends in his literature class. they were just boys, being boys.

98. it was now the day soobin was being discharged from the hospital. he had never felt so ecstatic to go home and be in his own bed. his parents are making him take the rest of the week off school soobin insisting that he had to go back before he became too behind in his classes

99. it was around twelve pm, and soobin was allowed leave at one. yeonjun was on his way to the hospital, just finishing up in class. he drove to the st mary's, excited to see the younger, feeling better that he was leaving.

100. "take these twice a day, and these for any emergencies of feeling like you're going to seriously hurt yourself. they will calm you down. the first few days of taking your everyday medication may make you feel tired or overwhelmed."

101."they may have a bitter aftertaste the first few days, but it will go eventually." doctor kim explained to soobin, handing the medication to his parents to keep safe for now. his parents and soobin thanked the man, as they were escorted to the reception to meet yeonjun.

102. soobin immediately engulfed the older in a hug, missing his warmth.

"soobin-ssi?" the doctor came up to him swiftly, making the younger look up at his name being called.

103. "everything will get better with time, okay? be patient, and be strong. hold on for your family, and if it ever gets too much, please do talk to doctor min. it's his job to help you."

soobin thanked him quietly before turning to his parents,

104, "yeonjun wanted to stoop somewhere on the way home, do you mind?"

his father was about to protest before his mother smiled sweetly and nodded, "of course not, honey. but be back soon, okay? i trust you and yeonjun to be safe, and keep my baby out of harm."

105. "of course, thank you mr and mrs choi." yeonjun smiled before taking soobin to his car.

"we don't have to go if you're too tired, love." the older spoke, buckling himself into the drivers seat.

"but i want to, hyung."

106. "okay, well it's nothing special, but i just wanted some alone time with you before my busy class schedule and work." the older pouted before grabbing soobin's hand over the center console, and lifting it to kiss his knuckles, swiftly pulling away from the hospital premises.

107. the two boys arrived at their destination, after a fairly long ride. yeonjun stepped out of the car and made his way to the passenger side to help soobin out like a gentleman.

"i-is this?" soobin trailed off, his eyes slightly glossy as he looked at yeonjun.

108. "where we first met, when we were in high school." yeonjun replied, a soft smile spread on his features as he looked into soobin's beautiful brown orbs. "naksan park."

the sun was beaming down on them, giving a bit of warmth with the slight chill of the spring weather.

109. yeonjun took soobin's hand in his as they walked away from the car. "lets walk."

and so the two walked through the park which overlooked the city of seoul. soobin felt happy here, with yeonjun.

the two walked around talking about everything and nothing.

110. "binnie?" yeonjun started as the atmosphere had gone silent, not awkward, but comfortable. soobin let out a soft hum, signalling for yeonjun to continue.

111. "i don't know exactly how you feel, with m-manic depression." he stuttered anxiously, "but i know how it feels to be depressed, and want to die."

soobin looked at yeonjun shocked.

112. "i never told you the full story, but before i met you in junior year, my father passed away, that you know. he was my best friend. the kindest man, and an amazing dad and husband. when he passed, i-i was planning to kill myself."

113. yeonjun paused before taking another look at soobin.

"you saved me binnie. and now it's my turn to save you, and help you face these struggles. you're never alone, okay, love?" yeonjun finished. soobin stared for what felt like minutes.

"i never stopped loving you, hyung."

114. yeonjun held a soft smile on his face as he held rested his hands on soobin's cheeks.
"i never stopped loving you either, my love." yeonjun responded, never feeling happier. soobin leaned forward and placed a soft, gentle kiss on yeonjun's lips, pulling away before replying.

115. "i hope we can go back to how we were." he had a small pout on his face.

"me too, love." yeonjun paused before checking the time. "we should probably head back, i don't want your parents to kill me."

116. "they trust you, hyung. don't worry." soobin reassured, holding yeonjun's hand again as they strolled back to the car.

"was this a date, hyung?"

"if you want it to be."

"i do."

"then it's a date."

117. yeonjun and soobin arrived back home at about four in the afternoon. neither of them kept track of time on their little date, and neither of soobin's parents contacted any of them, showing that they had full trust in yeonjun.

118. they entered soobin's house slowly, his siblings, parents and best friend sat in the living area with a huge cake on the table. they obviously wanted the boy to feel the slightest bit better.

"w-what's this guys?" soobin questioned anxiously.

119. he honestly just wanted everyone to forget what had happened and move on with their lives.

"oh nothing honey, we just thought we'd make a cake. beomgyu has been here for the past hour." his mother spoke, a huge smile on her face, trying to make the younger feel better.

120. "why didn't you tell me?" soobin returned, waiting for a response.

"we didn't want to interrupt you guys." beomgyu spoke up before walking to his best friend and embracing him in a tight hug.

121. they all gathered and talked, laughing whilst they enjoyed the soft red velvet cake led out on the coffee table, trying to make eachother feel better. beomgyu and soobin hurried to soobin's bedroom.

122. his siblings parting their ways as yeonjun stayed to help wash the plates used to eat the cake on.

"yeonjun, dear?" soobin's mother called.

"yes, mrs choi." the boy responded as politely as possible.

123. "thank you for saving my boy." she paused. "i was really gutted when i heard you two split, soobin thought i didn't hear him crying every night, but i did. it absolutely broke my heart but i knew he just needed some space."

124. "he, he cried?" yeonjun stuttered.

"son, he was devastated. but i'm so glad you're okay again. say, will you two date again?"

"i really hope so, mrs choi. i-i love him. so much. and i want him to know and feel loved and cared for. he really does mean a lot to me."

125. "i can tell. keep him safe, and as happy as you can, please." soobin's mother smiled faintly before walking out of the room to where her husband was sitting.

yeonjun made his way up to soobin's room, knocking gently before entering.

126. "hey, uh, guys. i'm going to leave now. i probably won't see you until sunday at the least, but i'll hopefully see you monday. i'll pick you up for school yeah?" yeonjun quietly spoke.

"yeah, thank you hyung." soobin smiled.

127. the two just stared at eachother in silence before beomgyu spoke up, "i'm, uh, going to use the restroom."

after he left the room, yeonjun held his arms open for soobin, who gladly accepted the hug.

128. soobin held onto the boy as if he was going to leave forever. they pulled away slowly, arms still wrapped around one another.

"kiss me, please." soobin pouted.

129. yeonjun chuckled before pressing his lips softly onto the younger's. their lips moved slowly and in sync, small movements with a lot of love and passion to it.

yeonjun was soobin's missing piece to his puzzle.

guys i’m so sorry but i’m literally suffocating rn so this will be on hold temporarily! :( im really unhappy and need a few days to sort myself out, but i will be back with more updates this week hopefully :(💖💗

130. soobin’s struggling :(

131. days had passed and monday had finally rolled around. soobin wasn't sure how to feel about going back to classes, but atleast he had yeonjun, and beomgyu, by his side.

132. his medication had started working, making the boy feel less empty. it wasn't easy considering how exhausted he felt, but he managed to rest up during his time off, his family subtly watching him like hawks.

133. soobin made his way downstairs, his bag packed and oversized hoodie draping over him, going down to his knees nearly. the boy sat at the table with his older brother (who had just returned from daegu), making small talk whilst waiting for yeonjun to arrive.

134. "how are you feeling today, binnie?" junghyun questioned.

"i-i'm okay, yeah." the younger stuttered.

"you nervous to go back?" soobin nodded, fiddling with his fingers before hearing a car horn.

135. "see you later, hyung." soobin said before scurrying towards the front door.

"bye binnie." his brother nearly yelled as soobin rushed away.

soobin climbed in the car quickly, buckling himself in before falling back tiredly against the passenger seat.

136. "good morning to you too." yeonjun chuckled before pulling away. "you alright, love?"

soobin was starting to get annoyed at the constant questions of concern.

"yeah, i'm fine." he put on a smile, managing to hide his frustration, before closing his eyes and leaning back.

137. the car ride to the university campus was silent, aside from the quiet hum of the radio, but it was comfortable. they arrived quickly before getting out of the care and heading to their first classes.

138. thankfully, the two classes were in the same building, so they weren't to far to start with. yeonjun walked soobin to his first class, where he met beomgyu, which was only compulsory math.

139. they exchanged goodbyes before the two entered their classroom. soobin felt extremely anxious about being back. subtle eyes on him as he walked to his desk in the lecture hall.

not long after, the bell rang, and his first class back at hell had begun.

140. push

141. soobin struggled to focus in his classes, he felt anxious at the whispers, his mind making him believe he was the subject. beomgyu sat next to him, talking to him about what he's missed, and how the younger will help him catch up.

142. the bell rang and the professor dismissed all but soobin. his classmates left in a hurry for their lunch period whilst soobin stayed behind.

"i'll wait outside, hyung." beomgyu smiled before walking out of the room.

143. soobin held his hands on his lap under his desk, fiddling and pinching at his skin, waiting for the teacher to talk.

"soobin-ssi, your parents called the school last week and we were informed of what happened.

144. luckily, you didn't miss a lot since the different departments were preparing for the open days that took place on the weekend. i want you to know that if there is ever a problem, my door is always open." his professor, mr kim, explained to the boy.

145. "t-thank you, mr kim." soobin bowed slightly.

"no need to thank me, kid. if it helps, i know what it feels like. we were told you were suffering from manic depression, a-and i know it's not really my place to talk about it. but i had it when i was your age.

146. and i tried hurting myself too. and i'm t-telling you this, so you can have hope, that everything will be okay." his professor continued, making soobin feel normal. "it is normal to have this and to go through this, soobin-ssi, so don't think any differently.

147. you're never alone." it was like his professor read his mind.

"thank you, mr kim. i-i'm sorry, you went through that to." soobin spoke as he stood, feeling slightly better thanks to his teacher. "m-may i leave now?"

148. "of course, i'll see you tomorrow, soobin-ssi." mr kim smiled, allowing his student to leave the room, meeting his best friend.

soobin felt relieved after hearing mr kim's story and having that conversation, he felt less alone.

149. but unfortunately, his ears weren't the only pair that heard it.

150. eavesdropper >:(

151. gossip girl

152. uh oh...

153. shits not good at snu

154. sus

155. hurry

156. yeonjun made his way to the male restrooms by the science department. barging in to find it empty, except for one stall being closed.

"soobin?" he questioned quietly. yeonjun stood, knocking gently on the door. "soobin are you in there, love?"

157. soft sniffles were heard, a sob nearly breaking between soobin's lips on the other side of the door.

"soobin, unlock the door, please." yeonjun spoke, fairly sternly, yet his voice filled with concern.

158. soobin didn't hesitate to unlock the door, immediately being embraced in yeonjun's arms.

"h-hyung, they know." he sobbed in the older boys chest.

"oh baby, it's okay, please. everything is going to be okay."

159. "no it won't be hyung!" soobin finally snapped. "it's not going to be okay hyung. because now they all know i'm a freak. minsun fucking told the whole campus on her stupid twitter and im just sick! when will it all just fucking end! when will my life just end!"

160. yeonjun's heart shattered at soobin's words, pulling him in for a hug, only to get shoved away. "just stop pretending hyung! you're only with me because you fucking pity me." soobin was about to walk out of the restroom when yeonjun grabbed his left arm.

161. "soobin listen to me-"

"g-get off me, hyung." yeonjun held his grip, more tears falling from soobin's eyes. "it h-hurts, hyung! stop!" he cried.

162. yeonjun gently removed his hand from soobin's arm, suspicion raised as to why it had hurt so much. the older boy clenched his jaw as he quickly rolled up the sleeve finding numerous wounds along soobin's arm, blood dampening the inside of his hoodie sleeve.

163. "fuck, soobin. why? why would you do this to yourself?!" yeonjun raised his voice slightly, tears falling from his own face. "do you not realise how much i fucking love you? do you? i was absolutely heart broken when you broke up with me those months ago. -

164. i was fucking devastated. and you're just going to act out and say i'm pretending?"

"hyung-"

"no, soobin. listen to me. you are so fucking strong, you're going to ignore anyone who says shit about you, because you are so much better than them. stop putting yourself down.-

165. it is common for people to feel like this, and i'm so sure there are many other students here that are going through similar stuff, okay?" yeonjun sighed slightly, pulling soobin closer. "please, love. understand that i love you and care for you more than i love myself. -

166. and i want you to move back in with me."

"hyung..." soobin broke down into tears again. "i d-don't wanna b-burden you. i love you s-so fucking m-much. and i'm s-sorry for everything."

167. "soobin, love. i just want to be by your side every single day. i wanna be your cure. please just let me in, and let me be there for you."

soobin nodded before burying his face further into yeonjun's chest, hands grasping tightly at his shirt.

168. the older wiped his few tears as he waited for the younger to calm down. when his sobs reduced to sniffles, yeonjun pulled away.

169. "let me clean you up, sweetheart." he spoke before grabbing a handful of tissue and dampening it. he broke it so that he cleaned soobin's tear stained face with one half, and the fresh cuts on his arm with the other.

170. "t-thank you, junnie." soobin mumbled, wiping another stray tear with his free arm.

"no, thank you, binnie. thank you for coming back to me."

171. a couple of days had passed since soobin's breakdown at school. yeonjun brought him to his apartment immediately and stayed with him for two days before his next session with doctor min.

172. "i'll pick you up in an hour okay love? just remember to be open and honest, so that doctor min can help you get better, yeah? you got this binnie." yeonjun smiled after pulling up at the hospital entrance.

173. "okay, hyung. t-thank you. i love you, junnie." soobin spoke shyly before opening the car door.

174. "i love you too, sweetheart." yeonjun placed a quick peck on soobin's forehead before the younger climbed out. he watched the boy walk in, looking so small and fragile in his oversized hoodie and his head down.

175. yeonjun decided instead to stay in the waiting room for soobin, knowing that the younger will probably need immediate reassurance after his therapy session.

and so he waited.

176. meanwhile,,,,

176. reciprocal

177. bub

178. nearly fourty five minutes of soobin's session with doctor min had passed, and the boy only told him recent events, and how yeonjun has been by his side through everything.

"and how do you feel about yeonjun? he seems like a really sweet guy." doctor min had asked.

179. "i just want to be around him all the time. h-he makes me feel safe, nc cared for and comfortable." soobin answered with a small smile on his face.

"how long have you known eachother?"

180. "since high school. we used to date before i broke it off with him. i didn't want to hurt him, w-when i-" soobin had to swallow his tears, not wanting to remember anything else from the past couple months.

181. "it's okay, soobin. we don't have to talk about that." doctor min reassured. soobin felt lucky that he had such a kind person helping him, not one of those doctors who judge and do the work just to get paid. doctor min was so genuine and he really wanted to help the poor boy

182. "how's your medication? can you feel it taking effect now?"

"i-it's working, i think. i don't feel as unmotivated and low as before. i-i know i had that slip up but i was depressed for a reason, but before i never had an actual reason." soobin spoke, confusing himself.

183. "d-does that make sense?"

"yes, i get that completely. obviously you should avoid harming yourself if something makes you feel depressed, and since the medication is working for you in general, you shouldn't want to do it." doctor min explained.

184. "w-will the medication stop taking effect?"

"as long as you take it daily, it shouldn't. if you feel worse, you'll just have to tell me and we'll use stronger ones. -

185. -there's no direct cure for manic depression especially since yours is caused by lack of specific hormones, it's just a matter of time before you get back on your feet and feel happier and more motivated."

"okay, thanks."

186. "is there anything else you'd like to ask or talk about? we've only got about five minutes left so if you don't i can let you go for today." doctor min told the boy sitting opposite him.

"n-no. i think that's it for today." soobin smiled shyly.

187. "great. well, i'll see you next tuesday at six." doctor min and soobin both stood up and headed to the door. "please just rest and eat well. ignore what anyone says about you because you are so much more than them. it's okay to feel down, stay strong soobin-ssi."

188. doctor min held a smile on his face as he opened the door for the younger.

"thank you, doctor min. see you next week." soobin smiled as he walked away from the room, walking down the corridor until he was at the reception and waiting room area.

189. as he was about to take a seat, he saw yeonjun walking from where the restrooms are.

"hey, love." yeonjun smiled, pulling the boy in for a hug. "how was it today?"

"it was good." soobin smiled. "doctor min is really helpful."

190. "aw, i'm glad. you look so much better already. you're literally glowing, like an angel." yeonjun held the smaller boys face in his hands as he pecked his nose. he reached for his hand before leading the younger to the car.

191. "do you want to do anything tonight? or do you want me to drop you home?" yeonjun questioned the younger, driving away from the large building.

"i don't wanna leave you, hyung. but can you drop me home so i can speak to my parents quick?" soobin asked shyly.

192. "of course, bub."

soobin and yeonjun exchanged a quick smile, before yeonjun had to focus on the road again. soobin was really feeling brighter, happier even, when he was with the older. and yeonjun couldn't be prouder.

193. the pair had arrived at soobin's family home. during the ride home, they discussed what soobin spoke about with doctor min, about how he felt better with yeonjun. the older boy offered him to stay at his place for a while, to see if he'll get better living with him.

194. "you stay here, and i'll go and ask them. i'll pack some stuff aswell, despite what they say." soobin spoke, facing the older.

"i'll be here, text me if you need me to come in." yeonjun smiled, earning a nod and a kiss on the cheek from the younger.

195. soobin entered his house to be met with his father, who was sat in his armchair watching the television.

"hey son, how did therapy go?" his father smiled, muting the tv briefly.

"it was better than i thought." soobin smiled, "where's eomma?"

196. his question was answered by the sight of his mother walking in from the kitchen, holding a fresh batch of brownies.

"here, son. is everything okay? how was your session with doctor min?"

"it was fine, but can i talk to you guys about something?" he asked nervously.

197. "of course, what is it dear?" his mother took a seat next to the boy.

"well, doctor min made me realise that, well, yeonjun has been the one helping me get better. he was there on the night, he was there for me when the students were saying stuff. -

198. - h-he had always been there. and i'm in love with him." soobin paused, feeling anxious about what he was about to say. "and so, i'm going to live with him for a while, to see if i progress. he'll help me, and remind me for my appointments and medication. -

199. - but i really need this and i hope you guys will be understanding. i know you're probably worried about your mentally ill son leaving home, but i'm in college now, i'm twenty one and i need to be more independent-"

200. the boy was interrupted by his father, "yet your depending on yeonjun to take care of you."

"i didn't mean it like that, appa. i'm not depending on him, he's just helping me." the boy paused, waiting for a response.

201. "we can't stop you, soobin. you're old enough to make your own decisions. and as long as it's okay with yeonjun, i don't mind. as long as you come back and see us." his mother spoke up, a sweet, understanding smile on her face.

202. "it's only temporarily, but i hope it does eventually become permanent." soobin smiled to himself, happy with the thought of being with the one he loves. he's determined to get better with the help of the older, who would do anything for the younger.

203. "i just don't think it's the best idea." his father concluded. "living with the boy you love could lead to so many disadvantages for you. what are you gonna do if he dumps you, or gets bored of you, son? you'll be a danger to yourself if you continuously rely on him."

204. "he wouldn't, appa. i won't. just have a little faith that i'll get better." soobin spoke, his voice trembling slightly. "i'm going to pack my stuff. i'm not changing my mind."

the boy walked to his own room, and placed enough clothes in his suitcase for the week.

205. he put the box which held his childhood memories and photos of his family, knowing he'd feel restless without it. he finished with a bag of his toiletries, before shutting the case and heading down the stairs.

207. "i'll see you guys soon, i love you." he smiled sadly, earning a hug from his mother.

"we'll always love you son, stay safe."

although his father was a bit concerned, he had never been more grateful for the parents who had raised him.

208. a week had passed and soobin had never felt safer and happier than when being with yeonjun at his place. he managed to push through days at college, with the help of his and yeonjun's friends, and his teacher, professor kim. nobody had mentioned soobin's incident -

209. -and the boy was finally starting to feel lighter on his feet.

yeonjun still went to his part time job at the call centre, whilst soobin would do his coursework and assignments, waiting for yeonjun to come home the few days he worked.

210. everyday they would watch movies and cuddle in yeonjun's bed. and neither of them got tired of eachother. today was friday. soobin had another last minute appointment with doctor min, whilst yeonjun had something special for the two planned.

211. the two boys were on their way to the hospital, a calming silence in the car. before long, yeonjun pulled up to the drop off area, walking soobin into the hospital.

212. "i'll be back in about forty five minutes, okay love? if you finish earlier just text me, but remember what we talked about. be honest with doctor min. you're so strong my love." yeonjun spoke, holding the younger boy's face in his hands.

213. "okay, hyungie. i'll see you later." soobin spoke before hugging the older desperately and leaving a gentle kiss on his lips.

"bye, love." yeonjun waved before walking back to his car.

214. yeonjun drove speedily to his destination, aware that he was short on time. before long, the boy had pulled up to the dog shelter, quickly entering it to speak to the manager.

"hi, i'm choi yeonjun, i called the other day about the golden retriever?" he spoke.

215. "ah, yes! this way!" the women spoke to him. "are you taking luna with you today?"

"yes. i bought the paper works you asked for, about my partner." he smiled as the two came to a stop at the large pen with the cute dog inside.

216. "since luna was trained, here's the list of command words she knows and what diet she's on. this is also a list of her previous vaccinations so if you go to the vets, that she's signed under, they'll let you know when and what she has to have done. -

217. - you'll just have to ring them and give your contact details for her." the women smiled before grabbing the leash and collar for the dog.

218. she called the dog over to her and put the leash on, along with the colored coat to show that she's an emotional support dog. the women took the certificate showing she's a qualified support dog and gave it to yeonjun, along with the end of the leash.

219. "she's all yours. if there are any problems or concerns, don't hesitate to contact us here, or the vets. here's a goody bag, and freeby toys. it also has a bag of her dog food, to get you started." the women spoke, with a smile, -

220. - putting all the papers to do with the dog inside the bag before handing it to yeonjun. "thank you so much." yeonjun said politely, before exiting the building. the dog was really well behaved as she walked at yeonjun's heal, her tongue sticking out as if she was smiling.

221. yeonjun seated her in the front of the car before taking her back to his apartment, not forgetting to stop off at a gift shop to buy a bouquet of flowers and a box of decorated cupcakes for his favourite boy.

222. he made it to his apartment in no time, luckily they were allowed big pets, and yeonjun had a balcony with fake grass for the dog. he was really hoping soobin would move in with him permanently, not wanting to be separated from him again.

223. he quickly set everything up ready for bringing soobin back, attaching the helium balloons lightly to luna's head with a bit of ribbon, and moving her behind the kitchen island. he told the dog to lie down, after placing a bowl of water and a small cup of food into a bowl.

224. the boy then left his apartment to go get the love of his life.

225. soobin's therapy session went well today. he opened up more to doctor min about his feelings with yeonjun, and how he still has his down days, but overall, the past month with these sessions and his friends by his side, the boy could feel himself slowly getting better.

226. he had just been dismissed from his session and walked into the waiting area, where he met yeonjun.

"hey, love. how did it go?" yeonjun pulled the boy into a comforting hug, placing a soft kiss to his temple.

227. "it was okay." soobin smiled, his first genuine smile that day. "it's been getting better thanks to the help of you and doctor min.

"i'm glad. but we better hurry because i have a surprise waiting for you at home."

228. -yeonjun smirked, pulling the younger boy to the car.

"not a big fan of surprises but okay." soobin sighed, but smiled back at the excited boy in front of him.

229. the couple got in the car and sped home, yeonjun managing to keep under the speed limit. before long, they had pulled up to the apartment complex not too far from their college.
as they both made their way up in the elevator of the building, yeonjun pulled soobin in close.

230. "now, i'm gonna put this blindfold on just in case the surprise is misplaced, but don't worry, you're gonna love it." yeonjun smiled, wrapping a soft fabric scarf around soobin's eyes.

"i'm not scared at all." the younger said sarcastically.

231. the elevator soon signaled that they had reached their designated floor, yeonjun guiding the younger to his apartment before unlocking the door quickly. he held the door open and pulled the soobin in sideways before placing him facing the kitchen island.

232. "okay, everything's set." yeonjun spoke, taking the scarf from around soobin's head.

"what's all this?" the younger questioned, eyes moving from the cupcakes to the flowers, to the balloons that came from behind the counter.

233. "there's more." yeonjun grinned before letting out a soft whistle.

soobin stood in shock as he watched the balloons move from behind the counter, revealing the cutest golden retriever he had ever saw.

234. "o-oh my fucking god, yeonjun! you got a dog?" soobin smiled widely in excitement, crouching down to pet the dog, letting out a soft chuckle at the cuteness of her with ribbons and balloons attached to her head.

235. "this is your dog." yeonjun smiled, crouching next to the younger, causing him to fall down in surprise.

"m-mine?" he stuttered out. "w-why?"

236. "i thought you'd like some company when i'm at work. her name's luna and she's three. she's a trained emotional support dog. i thought i'd get her for you since you've progressed so much in your recovery and i just love seeing you so happy." yeonjun smiled, holding soobin.

237. "junnie, this is too much." soobin pouted, tears welling in his eyes at the affection and care that yeonjun showed towards him. "thank you, so much."

"it's okay, my love." yeonjun pulled him in for a hug. "i also have two more questions for you."

238. "oh god, what is it?" soobin questioned nervously.

"okay first, will you officially be my boyfriend again, and will you let me be there for you all day and everyday?" yeonjun asked, hopefully.

239. "that was two questions, but yes. and yes." soobin smiled, a happy tear trailing down his cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to yeonjun's lips.

"and secondly," the older pulled away, "will you move in with me?"

240. "oh my god, yeonjunnie!" soobin squealed, "of course i will."

"you make me so happy." yeonjun cheered, hugging the smaller boy.

"and you make my dark days bright again." the younger commented, before pulling away, placing his lips on the older's.

241. the two shared the most passionate, loving kiss.

"i love you so much, my soobinnie."

"i love you more, my yeonjunnie."

242. and it was this day, soobin had regained his happiness, he had grown stronger and more confident, all thanks to this boy in front of him. this boy who held him when he was sad, this boy who had always been there. his yeonjun.

- the end!

thank you to anyone reading this. im sorry it was bad and rushed but it was my first au. also i should have said at the start but this was not meant to ‘romanticise’ suicide and depression, if it came across that way im sorry. it was just me showing my story.

- it was so rushed towards the end bc i have exams coming up and i don’t wanna leave anyone hanging on this so i thought i’d just tidily end it. i apologise for that. i love you all who read this, thank you💗