Iron Spike Profile picture
Mar 31, 2019 30 tweets 11 min read
Hey, so.

Let's talk about one of the most misunderstood genres in European, specifically Flemish, art.
The county of Flanders didn't invent the still life, of course. The first known instances of art depicting aesthetically arranged objects are ancient. Egyptians depicted feasts meant to feed the dead in the afterlife; Romans and Greeks decorated their houses with still lifes.
But we're not talking about that stuff. We're not even talking about still life traditions popular in other European countries, like Spain and Italy. We're gonna talk about my favorite still lifes: FLEMISH ones, from the 16th/17th century onward.
Why? WELL, some stuff to remember about Flanders.
- The Dutch Reform Protestant Church, formed in 1571, forbade the depiction of religious icons.
- Painting inanimate objects was considered less accomplished/laudable than live subjects.
- They were rarely, if ever, commissioned.
In practice, this essentially meant that
- Symbolic and metaphorical depictions of religious concepts flourished.
- Since it was a "vulgar" genre, beneath portraiture and soforth, men felt less threatened by women still life painters.
- Artists got to choose the subject matter.
In addition, despite not being "high art," still lifes were popular with the middle class. The demand meant tons of subgeneres developed. So now, in the modern day, we have this huge body of surviving work. Some of it by women, ALL of it by ppl choosing what they painted.

COOL.
But wait, it gets even BETTER.

Cuz see, Flemish still lifes were so popular that the symbolism they employed became *formally codified.* Eventually, a part of being an educated art collector of the period was knowing what still life to hang where, depending on its contents!
What do I mean? Okay, well, let's look at Adriaen Coorte.

Adriaen liked strawberries.
Like... a lot. He painted a whooole lotta of images depicting strawberries.

Cuz see, strawberries are symbolic of Paradise. Heaven!

(So are artichokes and asparagus, by the way.)
And occasionally accompanying Adriaen's strawberries are butterflies.

Butterflies in Flemish still lifes had multiple meanings.

- The fleeting, fragile brevity of life.
- The human soul.
- And, due to its metamorphosis from a caterpillar, Jesus' death on the cross and rebirth.
So now, we understand the symbolism. It's not just about strawberries, asparagus, and bugs; it's about heaven, and Jesus, and the soul. It's a gentle memento mori; something to contemplate and remind you that you, too, will die. So if you want strawberries, better remember Jesus!
But let's say you headed down to Adriaen's studio one afternoon, and he was all out of strawberry paintings for your respectable, middle-class home. And instead, you brought THIS home.

Same difference, right?
NO.

*FUCK* NO.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Because those aren't strawberries, asparagus, or artichokes. Those are MEDLARS, you ASSHOLE.
A medlar is a fruit cultivated sine ancient times, and unusual in the respect it's not edible raw until it's essentially begun to rot.
This rotten-before-it's-ripe fruit is a metaphor for wantonness and prostitution; the ruination of something pure.

This painting is code for "Hoes don't go to heaven, you know."

Hang this over your bed if you're hankerin' for a divorce.
Heaven, death, and purity are themes that recur in Flemish still lifes, dressed up as breakfast spreads, dinner tables, and object collections. Some, like the butterfly, are pretty and pleasant, not too harsh.

But other art connoisseurs appreciated a more direct message.
If he was feeling spicy, Adriaen might include a nautilus shell in a painting. It stood in for a human skull, and coupled with random seashells (symbols of religious pilgrimage), the message was still clear: Maybe go on that walk to the local shrine, before it's too late.
But for some folks, that was just too subtle.

Enter the VANITAS PAINTING.
"Vanitas" is Latin for empty, futile, WORTHLESS. And it's a description of your SHORT AND POINTLESS MORTAL LIFE.

Skulls, snuffed and short candles, wilting flowers, emptying hourglasses, fragile soap bubbles, toppled glasses. The symbolism is still clear, centuries later.
Vanitas paintings often depicted symbols of mortal wealth, accomplishment, and luxurious pleasure; playing cards, tobacco pipes, instruments, Chinese porcelain, hefty tomes. And they were often featured alongside skulls.

Cuz none of it mattered. You couldn't take it with you.
Your studies? Your military victories? Your phat staxx? The LAST THINGS you'll be thinking about when you're BEFORE THE THRONE OF GOD. So GET TO CHURCH, JERK.

And y'know what? These vanitas paintings are good. Great, even! But the very BEST ONES were painted AFTER Jan. 30, 1649.
Because on that day? Charles I became the first King of England to be tried and executed by his subjects.
This is a whole story in and of itself- Charles was a strong believer in divine right, his opponents were called "roundheads" because, in contrast to the flowing locks of the royal court, they sported closely-cropped, practical, Protestant hairdos- but that's not the focus, now.
The focus is, VANITAS PAINTER FUCKING LOVED THIS. THEY THOUGHT IT WAS THE GODDAMN BEST.

It was the absolute embodiment of their message: YOUR EARTHLY POWER AND PRESTIGE IS NOTHING.
And so, starting in 1649? Crowns started showing up in vanitas paintings in significant numbers.

And EVERYONE knew what that meant.
Some of the artists left NOTHING to chance, and even included little portraits of Charles himself.

*hauls out megaphone* DO YOU GET IT? YOU GET IT, RIGHT? HE'S A KING AND HE DIED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY PAINTING? IT'S ABOUT HOW BEING A KING IS MEANINGLESS. MY GOOD PAINTING. HELLO?
I love these. They really put the "vulgar" in "the vulgar arts." No subtlety, no metaphor, no faith in the audience. "HE'S DEAD, YOU KNOW!!!!" They're so direct, so tacky, so... enterprising.

Just fantastic.
Of course, there's a lot more to Flemish symbolism than what I could ever cover in a single Twitter thread. Bread for the body of Christ, oysters for erotic love, cats for evil subterfuge, peaches for the heart. And a fave of mine: lemons, for the bittersweetness of life.
But I hope I've done something to sway you from the commonly-held belief still lifes are just boring bowls of fruit.

A final tip, BTW: If the still life you're looking at contains an reflective metal, examine it closely. There might be a self-portrait of the artist in there.
JEEZ, 3000 new followers in less than a day?

Hi, folks! I'm Spike. I run Chicago's largest comics publisher, @ironcircuscomix. And you can read MY comic, Delver, about a living dungeon and the desperate crawlers who brave it, for FREE on Comixology, here: comixology.com/Delver-comiXol…

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More from @Iron_Spike

Feb 2
While I'm talking about YouTube stuff I just watched... Coffeezilla uploaded a full interview, start-to-finish, with Twitch streamer Ice Posideon, concerning his recent c*ypto rugpull fuckery. And it's just fucking awful.
Dude runs the exact same defense scammers always run— "It's your own fault you got ripped off, you shouldn't have trusted me in the first place"— and just openly acknowledges he fleeced his fans for 300k, which he'll be keeping.

Unbelievable.
He COULD give it back, he agrees. but he won't. Cuz he doesn't want to. And nothing, as of now, can force him to.

Just positively sociopathic.
Read 4 tweets
Jan 17
SPEAKING OF WHICH

This is more than can fit into a tweet, but part of the traditional male fear of "witches" or herbalists/midwives/etc. was the abject knowledge that, in a world predating divorce, many of them were capable of providing "angel-maker" concoctions to fed-up wives.
Consider the Philadelphia Poison Ring, and the Angel Makers of Nagyrév, and other such cases or organized husband/child/in-law/relative disposal, often via arsenic. These two rings alone killed hundreds.

And now, consider how many likely went unnoticed.
As the primary caregivers in the home, wives/mothers were often put in charge of seeing to the sick. Which meant they were the only ones allowed in the sickroom, other than their victim.

I have no doubt countless wives throughout history made themselves widows intentionally.
Read 5 tweets
Jan 17
LRT: This is tangential, but this makes think about how women's jewelry, often given to them as gifts by family and often dismissed by men as Silly Girls Liking Shiny Crap, were actually a socially acceptable escape hatch from bad situations and relationships.
They could be pawned at a moment's notice for cash their husbands didn't have to know about, in an age when women weren't allowed their own bank accounts.
Time and a lack of education related to women's liberation obfuscates the hell out of this.
Read 4 tweets
Jan 8
hey

hey everybody remember

T H E F A C E
45 years ago, the Viking 1 sent back this image of the Martian surface.

It would be thoroughly fucking unbearable to talk to A Certain Kind of Person for the next several years.
They connected this to everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING.

The Great Pyramids of Giza. Atlantis. UFOs/Aliens/Area 51. Psychic projection. If you believed in any kinda horseshit, the "face on Mars" proved it, and there was no convincing you otherwise.
Read 7 tweets
Jan 7
In an effort to continue my determined fuck-this-it's-Friday procrastination, AND keep talking about cars: the Carolina Squat vehicle modification was severely restricted (functionally banned in (ironically) North Carolina, in December. And I have... feelings.
For reference, this is a (admittedly, severely) squatted truck.
Supposedly, this mod was inspired by "trophy trucks." Those are racing trucks that compete in rally and off-road, and their fronts are elevated so their front ends don't smash into the ground when they land big jumps.

That's the story, anyway.
Read 13 tweets
Jan 7
"Artistic Genius" does not exist. Scratch the paint and you'll find

- A small child who was enthusiastically encouraged by caregivers when they showed an interest in art
-The child of artists
-The idle rich with all the time in the world to practice
-Trolls forgiven by history.
I'm serious about that last one, too. Fauvists? Trolling. Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood? Trolling. Impressionists? Rich AND trolling. Futurists? Biggest trolls ever.
"Pft, Spike, Michelangelo carved The Pietà at age 24!"

Yes, after a childhood with a stonemason, extensive practice, apprenticeship at *age 13* to a master fresco painter, & instruction at a magnet school set up by the goddang Medici family.

You'd probably be pretty good, too.
Read 7 tweets

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