I always knew I wanted to be a woman lol, ever since middle school. The motivations and reasons at the time were way different back then and I’ma not say them cuz yall will cancel my ass...BUT I ALWAYS KNEW, OK.
My first experience with a trans person was in college. A trans guy. His name was Dylan.
My ex-bestie. :))))))
At the time I didn’t really know what to do because it was my first ever experience IRL.
But I would have conversations with him about how I wish I was a woman, how I wish I could do the same thing he’s doing and we would joke about switching body parts lol....but I still didn’t understand I was trans.
I was instantly on FB like, “hey im a trans woman :))) pronouns: she/her hehe my name is [Feminine Name] haha hi :)”
The next day, I told my mom..................................................................👁
Let’s fast forward to Maria, where I DID get my ass beat skshdhdkxlsls
And somebody said “of course the [t slur] SJW smells bad”, like my DUDE. I SNIFFED YOU, YOU SMELL WORSE.
HOW YOU GONNA JUDGE ME ALSJDKS
and the guy was like, “hey [t slur], don’t even think about going into the girls bathroom” 😬😬😬😬
But that was when I realized that shit was really starting to go down and I had no one in my corner.
When I get out of the bathroom, the whole group is like, there. And they were staring me down like 👁👁. They were ready to fight alssksjkls.
But at the time, I was REALLYYYYYYY fragile.
And it only got worse. :)
I was in one of those areas, and here comes the M*G* group again.
They took my backpack and tossed that shit to the side, emptied that shit and stomped on my notebooks and shit.
Basically, destruction of property. I was writing this shit down in my head so I could sue later alskskskskksksks.
I got my ass beat by the entire group. Basically, I got dragged 🙋♂️
Nothing happened this day at least, but I did find out some things...
Or rather, I haven’t found them yet.
I really struggled with this shit.
That is what I kept telling myself.
And almost instinctively, I make posts about this on FB and people keep teling me how I’m so brave, I’m so strong, I’m so inspiring, like....No I’m not. I’m really not.
But in my head I was just like, pls stop.
After Maria, I went back to completely hating myself and I didn’t even look at my....parts. I was just DISGUSTED.
Dead name, he/him, str*ight men stopped sending me nudes.....👁
After finally changing spaces and going to a new college where no one knows me, I really had time to think (and be smarter) and I still want to transition. I really do.
But after everything, for my own safety, I can’t.
I actively avoid having that conversation with people irl.