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watching infinity war. who are literally any of these people lmao
loki and idris elba dead!!! two of the MOST FUCKABLE avengers (??) gone! officially hate thanos (????). omg help it's gwenyth paltrow
jesus christ to explain another story branson had to say "OKAY SO: in one of the earlier movies iron man's heart exploded." as I said I am a mark for these movies and love them but literally fuck off
I misspelled Gwyneth earlier but keep in mind I am typing this while keeping track of (so far) 100 characters I've never met
finding out that iron man and captain america "aren't on speaking terms" because of a philosophical disagreement over whether or not superheroes should register is like.................. not fulfilling the contract about the type of fun I like to have
iron man's sunglasses dumb as fuck
very great fight scene that unfortunately had the primary outcome of me wanting to fuck spiderman
THERE'S A FUCKING RACCOON? ONE SUPERHERO IS A RACCOON? A BRADLEY COOPER RACCOON?????????????? A GODDAMN RACOOPER????
wait I love this tree. I'm hearing he died, was a baby, and is now a teen. I'm also learning he can just say one sentence. this is everything I love
also wait the L3 that labeled outer space "SPACE" is a good joke and made me laugh
I can't believe I'm saying this but I feel no sexual chemistry between Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany. and I'm like....... trying really hard
the falcon's power is that he can FLY? that's it???? lmao join the damn club
BIG FAN OF DRAX!!!!!! also gotta give it up for thor for one sec bc dang turning people into ribbons looks cool!!!!
fuck I meant thanos. there is a character literally named war machine no one can get mad at me about this
I, someone who has seen four Marvel movies, can tell that this Wakanda was PHONED IN. this is a SKELETON CREW of Wakandans, did they blow their budget on 90 seconds of Idris/Hiddleston my god
every other scene a character lists every horrible trauma they've endured in the last 100+ years to another superhero who's like "woof, bummer" and then they just keep going on like, "it's a living!"
Let Me Write a Groot Origin Marvel Movie Challenge
so I guess one thought about this movie that I can barely follow but am genuinely enjoying is that like ten characters, who I imagine are rarely in a movie together, have the same personality which is "sarcastic quipper" and watching them talk to each other is backfiring
by the way, going back a bit, but I'm trying very hard to understand who these people are and why but I draw the line at whatever "Bucky" is
I know that isn't a dementor talking to Thanos but honestly at this point who would even be surprised
for a plot that's very simply "bad man want five stones and everyone else try to protect them" I sure have no fucking idea what is happening in any given moment
weapons turning into bubbles is an AMAZING IDEA ON PAPER
ZOE SALDANA NOOOOOOOOOOOO another hot person lost to thanos!!!!! this is actually very upsetting though and I hated when nebula was being tortured. his daughters!!!
I'm really trying not to be negative because I am enjoying myself but this is definitely the least fun, most joyless marvel movie I've ever seen and given the fact that it's all these buddies reuniting that's a bummer!!!!
gonna have to give these human sized muscular robot lizards a no, but I really appreciate the thought put into them!!!
THOR'S BACK AND BITCH HAS GOT A NEW HAMMER MADE OUT OF........ GROOT ARM? OK!
I can't even explain it but like, Benedict Cumberbatch is doing something differently and more embarrassing than the other actors and I don't think it's his fault. someone should have told him
STAR LORD YOU JANKY ASS DUMPO THIS IS YOUR FAAAAAULT
some bad weapon wheels came up and I was like OH NO NO OH NO BAD WHEELS which, as branson pointed out, is probably their ideal audience reaction
TOO MANY CUMBERBATCHES
ok I think that scarjo is really great in this! she is hot and confident but she is also pretty chill. she has less of an ego than friggen FALCON who looks VERY cocky as he just.... flies.... which is normal...... scarjo kicks ass and treats it like a job WHICH I RESPECT
idk if i would have given thanos the fifth stone. that's my real answer. idk
everyone is getting hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ugh this sucks bc I really couldn't give less of a shit about elizabeth olsen's pain. meanwhile chris evans (?) is getting fuckin clocked in the face and groot got broken!!! don cheadle looked so sad. WAIT LIZ THANOS IS RIGHT BEHIND U
o shit he has the time stone. oh well!!! that's that
I know this isn't the right time and he just did the Bad Snap but Thanos' chin is fucked up
ok spiderman disintegrating is so fucking sad and yes I KNOW THERE IS A MOVIE COMING OUT POST END GAME IN WHICH HE'S ALIVE
damn it done! hmmm it was....... fine! as I said sort of joyless but then again, I was flying by the seat of my damn pants. I guess I will go see end game??? insane but maybe true
btw I write about TV in a less manic way here if u want to subscribe:

goodtelevision.substack.com
OH NO MARVEL FANS FOUND THIS THREAD
ugh @TwitterMoments you fucking idiots why would you do this to me
absolutely not gonna scroll thru replies of ppl yelling at me but it appears they‘re one of the following:
- you’re stupid/incorrect
- you WANT ATTENTION
- how dare you call MEN fuckable this is a double standard!!! (subcategory: “Spider-Man is a child” TOM HOLLAND IS 22 IDIOTS)
but ya I have to come clean... last night after I got home from my great TV job, I decided not to have fun by watching a movie, but to CALCULATEDLY CREATE AN INTERNET MOMENT TO INCREASE MY 21K FOLLOWERS and get ATTENTION, specifically PEOPLE YELLING AT ME which ISN'T A NIGHTMARE
the idea that MCU fans, who participate in the culture of a multi-billion dollar, internationally beloved franchise, think they're underdogs & I am bullying them by ENJOYING a movie is w i l d. No one can ever stop u from giving money to disney & watching movies you love my god
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