, 62 tweets, 12 min read Read on Twitter
Reasons why Mark Zuckerberg’s attempts to enter China reveal he is a self-loathing, soulless, sycophantic sack of shit.
A man-boy whose humiliating attempts to grovel before his new Chinese masters outshines every other contender in the race.
A man-boy who - despite debasing himself to the lowest possible level in the eyes of the Politburo - has singularly failed to achieve the slightest success.
I'm talking, of course, about Mark Zuckerberg.
FB has been banned in China since 09 and the Borg has tried desperately to convince the CCP to unblock his site. Now, there’s nothing wrong in trying to expand one's biz, especially when one's site is known to a large percentage of the world's net users as "404 Not Found", but...
It’s the way of Suckerberg's approach to China that earns him a very special mention within the halls of CCP apologists. Grab yourself a sick bucket and make yourself cozy, for we are about to list Suckerberg's most egregious attempts to ingratiate himself with Beijing.
1. This CNY greeting.

A net worth of $35b and all Mark would splash out on his company's CNY party was a pair of tacky fire crackers and a cheap Chinese brothel paper lantern.
Also, what the hell is wrong with Suckerberg's Chinese? Listen to him. It sounds like instead of hiring a Mandarin tutor he just saved money by inviting Stephen Hawking round and sticking a Berlitz tape in his voice box.
2. His speech at Tsinghua University:
After proving to the world that he can speak Mandarin to the same standard as a bad Skype connection, Mark was at it again in 2015 when he decided to give a speech to the students of Tsinghua University.
To those readers who are unfamiliar with China's establishments of higher learning: Tsinghua is generally regarded as China's least worst university.

Have you watched it yet? I can understand if you didn't because it took me quite some time too. The first time I watched it I was so angry that I put my foot through the computer screen and sent Facebook the bill.
Mark's speech was entitled "Change the World", which is ironic really because Mark doesn't even change his shirt most of the time.
Suckerberg did his very best impression of the well known "dancing white monkey" routine which will be familiar to any readers who have experienced the horror of teaching English in a Chinese school.
Despite his vast amounts of wealth, Suckerberg managed to get himself in the same situation as penniless TEFL teachers trapped in dead-end jobs in tier-88 Nongzhou hellholes: shoved onto a stage and forced to act like an idiot in order to amuse bored Chinese teenagers.
And how did those future leaders of China react?
3. Meeting China’s “Internet Czar” – Lu Wei
Mr Lu Wei is China’s “Internet Czar”. For those of you who don’t know what that means, Wikipedia tells me he is the senior executive official in charge of cybersecurity and internet policy in China.
Take a good look at the man.
This man is directly responsible for the most censorious net policy on the planet. His actions in blocking access to foreign content have contributed to China becoming the world’s biggest intranet.
Internet access in China is so bad that most people still have to resort to using CD-ROMs to get any kind of information, which is why Lu Wei seems to have one glued to his jacket
Yet despite blocking FB and making absurd statements like “There is no internet censorship in China”, Lu Wei still gets Zuck grovelling at his feet. Lu Wei and Mark have met on many occasions, and each time Suckerberg has gone down and kowtowed like the self-loathing worm he is.
You know what image springs to mind when I see that picture of Mark shaking hands with the head of the world’s largest internet censorship project?
Thank God that Mark’s support of government censorship and control of the internet is only limited to China where it can’t affect the rest of us! Phew!
4. Placing Xi Jinping’s book in the Facebook HQ

So not content with an anal fisting in Beijing, Mark invited Lu Wei over to the land of the free and even let him sit in his chair! Hope that spy cam was turned off!
They really had a lovely day. Oh… hang on… what’s that in the corner?
That book is Xi Jinping’s The Governance of China. And Mark just happened to leave it on his desk when Lu Wei came to visit and some photographers were handily nearby. I couldn’t make this up.
Seriously. How low can Mark Zuckerberg go? Who did he think he was kidding by “accidentally” leaving a copy of Xi Jinping’s book on his desk in a sycophantic attempt to curry favour with the man himself? I ask again: How low can Mark go?
At least Mark hasn’t done anything really reprehensible yet – like using his own family…
5. This Chinese New Year Video of Mark’s wife and child

That’s it. Fucking shoot me now.
6. Jogging through Tiananmen Square then posting photos of it on Facebook
Mark has done some naive things in the last few years during his failed attempts to ingratiate his webshite with the ruling class of China, but few have displayed such a shocking level of ignorance as this one. It’s laughable that his own PR team even let him get away with this.
There are so many things wrong with this. He makes a mockery of those miserable unfortunates who have no choice but to live everyday in smog clouds of life-shortening pollution with no way out. By jogging through a smog-covered Tiananmen Square, Mark sneers at all those people.
Mark doesn’t care about them. He just wants to show the world that he doesn’t believe those scary scientific PM readings that demonstrate the environmental degradation of Beijing’s air quality.
Unlike those ridiculous Beijingers who cannot even step outside without wearing a facemask, let alone go for an early morning jog, Mark will be safely on a plane back to California and breathing in his privileged billionaire’s oxygen within no time.
Not only did Mark Zuckerberg show his utter contempt towards the lives of people who suffer from China’s industrial pollution, but he also chose to boast about it on Facebook whilst still in Beijing – a website that is blocked in China.
In order to circumvent China’s firewall he must have used an illegal VPN to upload the photograph and accompanying comment. Such an action would get an ordinary Chinese citizen into trouble, but again Mark need not worry about such repercussions back in his Silicon Valley condo.
Who cares about the plight of China’s health as long as they can access Mark’s social media site?
7. His entire marriage.

***Feminist trigger warning!!!***
Over the course of these tweets, we have seen the depths that Zuckerberg will lower himself to in order to get his precious FB unblocked in China. It’s sickening, it’s sycophantic, it’s soulless. It also demonstrates a total lack of respect for oneself.
However, I think Suckerberg’s underlying psychological issues run much deeper than a commercial wish to promote his business. It’s my belief that the awkward and autistic billionaire has a burning and unfulfilled need to be loved.
Let’s take a look at Mark Zuckerberg’s wife.
Indulge me in a quick thought experiment. How did Mark and Priscilla Zuckerberg get together?
The first part is easy. I think I can hazard a fairly accurate guess as to why Priscilla decided to marry awkward, socially autistic, weedy, man-boobed billionaire Mark Zuckerberg.

So why did Mark marry Priscilla?
There’s no denying that there’s a neediness & a desire for attention in everything Zuckerberg does. Such a deep psychological craving for the respect of other people is common to high-IQ nerds who feel during their formative teen years that the unfair world is against them.
Bigger guys get the girls, but if I get rich then I can get girls too. As a theory it certainly explains his drive to create a monumentally successful (except in China – hah!) billion dollar business, esp a social media business that further focuses the attention onto its founder
Let’s be honest. Priscilla is hardly a looker and is certainly not within the same league as the supermodel types you see hanging off the arms of people with far less money than Mark Zuckerberg.
It’s difficult to not suspect that Mark simply married the first woman that ever looked at him. In China I have seen more than my fair share of socially awkward “losers” slip an engagement ring on the first TEFL student who said “I think you very handsome”.
I believe there is a strong possibility that Suckerberg has a very deep level of insecurity that his billions have not managed to cancel out.
Before someone chooses to comment that I’m wrong to judge Priscilla solely on her looks, I’m sure she has a “lovely personality” blah blah. She’s also a woman with a “lovely personality” who married an equally ugly man just for his money. (This isn’t the fucking Guardian.)
However, given everything we have seen about Mark Zuckerberg and his pitiful grovelling before the Chinese government, how can anybody be sure that he didn’t just marry a Chinese wife so that he could present himself even more as a “friend of China”?
No. I must be wrong. There is no way in this world that a Chinese woman would marry the billionaire head of a global media empire just for his money, and that the billionaire head of a global media empire would marry a Chinese woman just to expand his business interests in China.
It’s just not possible.
8. Asking Xi Jinping to choose his baby’s name and being refused

So if you have stopped so low to marrying a Chinese woman just to suck up to the CCP... what could the next step possibly be?

From the Daily Mail: dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3…
“Mark Zuckerberg’s attempt to forge a friendship with China’s President Xi Jinping appears to have backfired.

The leader reportedly snubbed the Facebook founder’s request to choose an honorary Chinese name for his unborn baby girl with wife Priscilla Chan.”
“Mark, who is trying to lift China’s ban on FB, met Xi a number of times during his visit to the US last month.
But it was at a spectacular White House dinner hosted by President Barack Obama in Xi’s honor on September 25 that Mark was brave enough to ask for the personal favor.”
“Seated at the head table with his pregnant wife, the Obamas and President Xi and his wife Peng Liyuan, Zuckerberg plucked up the courage to ask Xi to name his baby daughter – in Mandarin.

But a source told PageSix that he received a definitive ‘no’ from a stony-faced Xi.”
Dear Lord.

Not only has Suckerberg learnt Mandarin, jogged in Beijing and married a daughter of the Yellow Emperor just so that he can suck up to Zhongnanhai, he also asked Xi Jinping to provide the name of his then unborn daughter.
He is willing to hand over all aspects of his family life to Xi Jinping if it even gave him the slightest chance of having his website unblocked in China for a week.
By asking Xi Jinping to name his daughter, Mark’s effectively granting ownership of his baby over to Xi. There’s a name for a man who raises a baby who belongs to somebody else, and that name is “cuckold”.
Zuckerberg isn’t just a Suckerberg, he’s a Cuckerberg too.
Just sayin’
If the above points have not convinced you yet that Cuckerberg isn’t the ultimate self-loathing, soulless, sycophantic Panda Hugger of our times, there is nothing further I can say. All that remains is to reward Mark his richly deserved Top Trumps card.
And Mark, if you are reading this, don’t worry if Xi Jinping doesn’t love you as much as you love him. At least there’s somebody else out there who shares the same feelings as you.

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