, 10 tweets, 7 min read Read on Twitter
@teliferous @mykola Talk about your interests and ask about ours. Reciprocate genuine enthusiasm in subjects* you find interesting. This may look like taking turns "info dumping" at each other

Fyi much of the time if an #actuallyautistic person is info dumping at you it means we like you
@teliferous @mykola * if there's a subject that's not super gripping to you and we keep going on about it, we're not bring rude, we just often don't catch subtle cues to shut up

BUT if you get in that situation and gently but directly/clearly say "hey, tbh i don't find this subject super enjoyable,
@teliferous @mykola Would you mind changing the subject, many of us will be so overjoyed to have finally found someone direct about this (and who doesn't throw weird signals at us then get snarky/mean out of no where) that just *telling* us when to shut up could be a near instant path to friendship
@teliferous @mykola Also #actuallyautistic ppl often don't do the "work" that goes into building a friendship. Exs)

- reciprocating invitation to hang out
- initiating contact
- turning small talk into anything other than a confusing mess of unnecessary questions no one really cares about
@teliferous @mykola This tends to be a combo of

1) not understanding how these things work (either not getting that they're necessary or being so woefully bad at them we can't even if we want to)

2) constant social rejection makes us think we're being annoying

3) social anxiety

And more
@teliferous @mykola So don't take that you asked an autistic person to hang out and they didn't ask you to do something after that as rejection

Also, if you ask "do you want to x?" we might say "no" as a judgement on x wo realizing you'll interpret it as a personal rejection,
@teliferous @mykola Esp bc we get overwhelmed easily and lots of places you might go w a potential new friend are sensory tourture for us

I rejected a once potential new friend in exactly this manner and didn't realize till months later
@teliferous @mykola Takeaways for someone trying to make an autistic friend:

- explicitly tell us you enjoy our company (we need reminding that you don't view our existence as annoying)

- one invitation rejection isn't nec a rejection of you (btw if you wanna make plans w us asking up front
@teliferous @mykola About sensory/other accessibility needs, as well as respecting our needs for recharge time is super helpful)

- reminder that allistics tend to be v bad at reading our expressions and take a lot of our natural state of being as rude. If something really bothers you ask about it
@teliferous @mykola Directly wo having jumped to a negative conclusion first. And be mindful that you'll likely have to learn to reinterpret behaviors you may be inclined to see as rude, but just be willing to meet half way
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