, 11 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
You can kindly go f*ck yourself, @washingtonpost
There is nothing excessive nor trashy about the sweet condiment nectar of the gods that is ranch dressing
This tweet, excluding the parenthetical, is gibberish

I'm sorry I don't fight sickly ppl and that's the only possible rationale for your ranch hate

They really did! AAANNDD had the audacity to push that sh*t as a notification to the app!

I think I hear your caretaker calling, he says you've wandered away from the asylum and need to come back

I grew up in a 2-dressing household (my grandfather swears by Italian)

I can confirm, definitively, that Italian dressing tastes like broken dreams and brake fluid
Had ranch on my Caesar salad last night

This morning, I was 1.2lbs lighter than my last weigh-in 😜

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