, 37 tweets, 9 min read Read on Twitter
<THREAD> As promised (threatened) earlier, I'll be breaking the self-imposed two-month silence of this account to live-tweet #Hannity, as soon as he/it starts.
2/ Here goes: #Hannity confirmed in his first sentence what I had anticipated, that the report "totally and completely exonerates the president."

Next, Hannity showed a brief cherry-picked sentence from the Mueller report, than began to show quotes from Giuliani and Dershowitz.
3/ Not unexpectedly, #Hannity quickly segued to bashing Hillary <yawn>, making points along the lines of Trump cooperated but Clinton didn't.
4/ Hannity showed a graphic of Mueller with his head down and the text "GAME OVER." Somehow, I suspect that Hannity's game will continue for the rest of the hour...
5/ After repeating the Trump/Barr mantra of "no collusion," #Hannity brings on Trump attorney Jay Sekulow, then discloses "for the 4000th time" that Sekulow has worked for him in the past. What BETTER bona fides on Sekulow's objectivity could we POSSIBLY ask for?!
6/ Sekulow is hammering on the (non-legal) term of "collusion." The corresponding legal construct of "conspiracy" is covered in Volume I of the report. I wonder if they'll have time to get to Volume II, which covers the question of obstruction?...
7/ Sekulow is making claims that the Trump legal team cooperated to an unprecedented extent, and cited a large number of documents they provided. Could be - I have no way to know if that's accurate.
8/ Sekulow is blowing smoke about Trump supposedly being absolved from obstruction. NOT!

(Short delay: my cat is trying to obstruct this thread by occupying my lap. I'm beginning to suspect she works for Trump.)
9/ #Hannity launches into his monologue, aka "demagogic diatribe." Now he's showing clips of pundits on other networks saying negative things about Trump in the past. Obviously, that's going to end with Hannity saying that they're a bunch of clowns.
10/ "Unbelieveable - they try to deceive their audience with their conspiracy lies." Looks like Hannity projects just as avidly and shamelessly as Trump himself.
11/ More graphics about "the Left." As a centrist myself, I feel rather left out by the fact that Fox News never vilifies me and my ilk? Aren't I just as worthy of demagogic, adjective-loaded, buzzword imbued, right-wing rhetoric as anybody else, Sean? <sniffle>
12/ Another set of clips starts from non-Fox pundits. I'm guessing it will end with condemnation from Hannity just like the last one. <add own, "Thanks, Captain Obvious!" here>
13/ Yup, I'm right. I really wonder how people watch these diatribes every night, no matter how deplorable they may actually be. Do they actually find this entertaining, night after night? <SMH>
14/ Hannity just showed a clip of Barr's press conference. I haven't seen video of yet, but I was captivated by Rosenstein's much-noticed glassy stare. If they ever put a figure of him in Madame Toussald's, they may have to make it less lifelike.
15/ More diatribe from #Hannity. Nothing worth repeating. But here's an observation: Hannity is the primary apostle for the Trump Cult. Just imagine that Jesus wasn't handy but you could listen to the Apostle Paul every night from the comfort of your own home. That's Hannity.
16/ Hannity delves into Hillary's emails again. Dumb question for #MAGA's: what did #Hannity tell you tonight about the CRITICAL subject of Hillary's emails that you didn't already know. Why isn't #Hannity using all 60 minutes of his show to tell you how Mueller exonerated Trump?
17/ I feel a commercial coming. Hannity has gone a full 26 minutes so far without one. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN - DON'T THE ANGRY GRANDPAS OF THE WORLD NEED MORE MIRACLE-EARS AND MYPILLOWS?
18/ Maybe we won't get commercial's tonight. Angry Grandpa will continue to have to suffer deafness and hemorrhoidal discomfort.

OK, back to the diatribe. The most striking feature is that Hannity is dropping as many names of people who are hated by MAGAs, ending with Obama.
19/ Hannity brings on Sarah Sanders. She's hammering the "no collusion" line as hard as possible. (More on that later.) I haven't seen her up close on my big screen in the basement before tonight. Truly frightening.
20/ Sanders' diatribe is much like Hannity's: she hits as many Trump slogans and MAGA-villans as possible. Hannity asks about Sanders being called a liar by Trump. She slips in the brief explanation that we've already heard, then starts in on Comey as a "liar."
21/ First commercial. I usually live-tweet those too, but Hannity just threatened to bring on "the great one," I gotta take a break to steady my nerves so I'll be prepared to see a resurrected Jackie Gleason.
22/ Sorry, that didn't last: the @MyPillowUSA Nazi came on to sell Angry Grandpa the MyPillow that he hasn't bought yet. Why can't Angry Grandpa remember to buy his f*ckin' MyPillows? WHY?
23/ Self-promo signals return from commercial. "The Great One" (TG:O) looks like his dog died. Hannity is setting him up with loaded words: "rigged," "attempted coup," etc. He springs to life. Did somebody just pull a stake out of his heart?
24/ TGO is pretty angry. So angry, in fact, that he puts on his reading glasses! For some reason, though, he refuses to look the camera in the eye. How hard is that, "The Great One"? Jackie Gleason could do that - what sort of "Great One" can't?
25/ TGO is ramping up the tempo and the volume. He's like an evangelical preacher who's really getting wound up - "Oral Roberts" kind of stuff. Hannity just told him, "You've got a minute, Mark." Nobody ever said that to Oral Roberts or Jackie Gleason. Clearly, GTO is a fraud
26/ The exit music starts up. Hannity politely stops him, then asks him about his upcoming book, which he eagerly plugs.

Now, off to a @Ford commercial. (Sadly, I must now reconsider my choice in 2012 of a Ford...)
27/ The obligatory Miracle Ear commercial came on, followed by an ad for prostate medicine. Is it any wonder Grandpa is Angry if he can't hear and he can't pee? I'm beginning to see things from Angry Grandpa's point of view: "YOU KIDS GET OUTTA MY YARD!"
28/ This is a long commercial block. <HEAD SLAP!> I should have figured out that Fox News wouldn't give up one second of commercials: they just shifted them toward the end of the hour.
29/ Hannity's back, with an intro about FISA featuring celebrity cow-owner, @DevinNunes. Unlike GTO, Nunes at least has the nerve to look the camera in the eye. He's speaking in quiet, measured tones. His words are the same old "dirty dossier" garbage. <yawn>
30/ Nunes praises Barr, then pivots to the "spying on the campaign" talking points.

LOOKEE! They've got another objective observer on: Ken Starr. But Greggg Jarrrettt gets to talk first. He plugs his book in his first sentence.
31/ Move over to Sara Carter. I have no idea who she is, but she doesn't appear to be pretty enough or stupid enough to be on Fox & Friends. Hannity cuts her off to give Starr a chance. He promptly praises Barr. (BTW, there is absolutely NO suspense in this show...)
32/ Hannity takes it back from Starr and gives it to Sara. Sorry to be bitchy, but it looks like Bozo the Clown did her makeup for her. Back to Gregggg Jarrrretttt, who reels off several names from the "Ten Most Wanted" people that MAGAs hate.
33/ The @MyPillowUSA Nazi is back. Just wondering, Mike: are there "good people on both sides" of YourPillow? Commercial ends with cheesy close-harmony jingle.
34/ We're doing a @SimpliSafe commercial now. I think I've seen them on Fox before. Evidently, Angry Grandpa needs a home security product to keep young whippersnappers from stealing his prostate medicine...
35/ Hannity is back. He rushes through the wrap-up, promising to "uncover the biggest abuse-of-power corruption scandal in history."

<SCARY KETTLE DRUMS>
36/ Hannity does an overlap chit-chat with Laura Ingraham. Hannity may be a sociopathic money-grubbing traitor, but at least he has a pleasant voice. I honestly don't think I could do one of these for an hour on Ingraham. I muted it ASAP.
37/ Muting was enough! I was compelled to change the channel to @Lawrence, whom I often watch at this time. With the help of Lawrence - plus a stiff gin-and-tonic - I hope to recover my sanity after the Hannity insanity. I'm outta here...

<FINIS>
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