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"But how in the world can I find out what God wants me to do, if I don't know what *I* want to do?" is an interesting question...? lol
I... where to begin with this bullshit?
Were we? When? What? Sometimes she loses me. I am unsure if that's supposed to be a logical followup, or if she's making a joke. I feel like it could be either, and I hate it in both cases, so maybe it doesn't actually matter.
And another one.
There we go.
Back to it.
Y'all, @ErikMKort had to hear me shriek QUITE loudly here.
Anyway. Some of these girls have learned it from their parents, who suck and have "shed the responsibility of parenthood."
I know I said we had to pick up the pace, but this is why it is taking me so long to get through her book. There's so much in these small sections.
Okay. First off, I think lifestyle is implying gayness? Or possible gayness?
Second, there is an interesting evangelical thing, where happiness (or satisfaction) is assumed to be a prize attained and checked off. OR that it is something we never actually get here anyway, no sense in trying.
ALSO there is this weird assumption here that if parents do something, then their kids will do the exact same thing because WHO WILL TEACH THEM DIFFERENTLY? I don't... sigh.
I mean, hun. You could have just made different life choices and been a way happier person. Trying to say that fun and experiences suck is not a super compelling argument.
I hate it when they compare people to sheep, they always made it so clear what an insult that was and it's shitty.
She begins by saying that at the time it seemed that "a settled commitment to the Lord Christ and a longed-for commitment to Jim Elliot seemed to be in conflict." Which leads me back to the thoughts above.
"We walked half a block in silence. Then, suddenly, 'We've got to get squared away on how we feel about each other,' Jim said. I was dumbfounded.
'Feel about each other? You mean - '
'Come on, Bett. Don't tell me you didn't know I was in love with you.'"
It's such clearly manipulative awful garbage. I HATE HIM
"'I had no idea.'
'Really? But you must have! If you didn't - then all I can say is you must have thought I was a pretty nice guy. I've been knocking myself out to be near you, be nice to you, show you how I felt without actually saying anything.
Okay. Again. Pause. Let us all remember together Jim and his nice guy moments. Let's think back. Remember that time he called her and asked her out for a Coke and told her that she wasn't being friendly enough and needed to smile more?
'In love. That's what I'm telling you. Hey, we're not going to campus now. Let's go back to the Lagoon and talk this thing out.'"
Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.
There's a bunch of random lines in her journal. Faithfulness, trying to stay true to the path of righteousness, lots about paths, really. There was definitely a train of thought but no words about it, just verses.
I mean, of course you don't. You've put a lot in sticking with this. And you're dead so you don't care what I say but I'm going to say what *I* think, which is this wasn't just about god. This is the allowed framing.
lol I mean, basically you're just leaving yourself room for new interpretation.
Going to give a real quick answer - nope.
Okay, atheist thoughts aside, moving into HER thoughts. "In the days following our talk at the Lagoon I prayed for holy harmony. It seemed impossible that the torrent of passion could be brought into...
The PROSE, y'all. It's so intense. Also it's particularly intense when you keep in mind that, unless she is straight out lying (and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt), they didn't even touch.
I am so upset Jim died so that I could not murder him myself. Deeply, deeply sad. THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT.
'I'm hungry for you, Bett,' he had said. He was not one to beat about the bush. 'We're alike in our desire for God. I'm glad for that. But we're different too. I've got the body of a man, and you've got the body of a woman and...
This is the second time I've read that and I feel no less physically ill this time than I did the first. This is quite literally the least romantic thing I have ever read in my life. I cannot think of anything to compare. At all.
Anyway. Don't worry. Her body of a woman belongs to God, so they have to see if he cares about their plight. "Would He bother with us, when He was busy with who knew how many worlds?" I only include that line because it implies she...
That was the worst phrase I had read in a long time, at least since I heard Jim describe their bodies, so I had to read it.
"June 1, 1948 - The sun shone, and I sent a copy of a poem to Jim."
Aw. The sun shone.
So then on June 6th Jim writes a poem. My sweet, loving Exvie family. It is in this book. It is... very bad. Let us engage it together.
"O Lord, against this bosom blast
of coiled and seething feelings
Batt'ring passions, ebbing yearnings,
Raise Thou the flinty walls of stuff of
which Thy Son was made.
Yea, build in me the buttressed
bastions of faith.
Thou shall resist the undersucking flow
of soulish tide
And make me to endure this late attack,
I pray, in Jesus' name."
So the next day they walk for a long time talking MORE about how they have both made all these plans to maybe not get married and maybe they won't be able to do that. They have both made "codes."
His is Matthew 19:12 - "For while some are incapable of marriage because they were born so, or were made so by men, there are others who have themselves renounced marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let those accept it who can."
Let those accept it who can.
Again, all of these verses seem SO KINKY in this context and I don't feel like that's the point but I also feel like it kind of is? The more I hear people tell me about their Very Pure Relationships when they were younger, the more clear it is where the...