Post

How to get URL link on X (Twitter) App

On the Twitter thread, click on or icon on the bottom
Click again on or Share Via icon
Click on Copy Link to Tweet
Paste it above and click "Unroll Thread"!
More info at Twitter Help

Richard de Nooy

Apr 24, 2019 • 7 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X

If you've always dreamed of being crushed to death wearing an inflatable crown and oversized sunglasses, please feel free to join the rest of the world in Amsterdam this Saturday.

At dawn on King's Day, 27 April, police run house-to-house checks to ensure that everyone is outdoors, wearing at least one orange novelty item (underwear doesn't count) and carrying at least one six-pack. Anyone caught not smiling is jailed and has to help clean up on 28 April.

Dutch people who have run over animals in the previous year don outrageous costumes and try to sell bric-a-brac to passersby in an effort to shame themselves and thereby clear their conscience. You are permitted to loudly mock these people, increasing their chance of absolution.

Every year, Dutch people who are unemployed are forced to take a two-week crash course during which they are taught to play a musical instrument, so that they can earn some cash on King's Day. These people have the option of sending their children on this course if they wish.

Contrary to popular belief, not all Dutch people have an innate or god-given ability to steer boats, and despite very strict health and safety laws, no one really knows how many people can actually fit into a boat before it sinks. Aptly, many Dutch metaphors involve drowning.

If you have any further questions about King's Day, please feel free to post it below. This offer is also open to Dutch people, many of whom have only a sketchy knowledge of their own traditions and their sinister history. Did you know, for instance...

...that the annual celebration of the Queen's or King's birthday was a simple ploy to root out elements of society that were not loyal to the Dutch crown? Even today, you may still be accosted in the street by drunken revellers asking why you aren't dressed in orange.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

More from @RicharddeNooy

Richard de Nooy

@RicharddeNooy

Jul 6, 2023

Now that I've returned to translating my mother's war stories, my pious grandmother, a former officer in the Salvation Army, has resumed her bible lessons from beyond the grave, laid down in her letters to my mother, such as this one dispatched from Amsterdam on 23 June 1944:

Darling child – I'm taking a quick break to write this down, in the hope that this letter will reach you before Sunday. When it comes to travel plans nowadays, it seems wise to ensure you have prepared your last will and testament...

...because there's a good chance it may be your final journey. One never knows whether the parting will be sudden, but this fact no longer seems serious to us, partly because we have grown accustomed to the risk. However, one does well to remember:

Read 12 tweets

Richard de Nooy

@RicharddeNooy

Nov 17, 2022

In the summer of 1942, a Jewish haberdasher from the Dutch town of Zwolle sought refuge in the Trophy Room of Zwaluwenburg Manor, which was then a psychiatric institution for women and girls. Michel Leo (Max) Hes meticulously recorded the mounting tension in his journal. |🧵

Things culminated on 20 November 1942, when several girls ran off into the woods during an evening walk, ending up at the German army camp, where they not only told an officer they were being abused, but also that there were Jewish people hiding at the institution.

That same night, Zwaluwenburg Manor was raided by the local constabulary, acting on the orders of the Wehrmacht. Fortunately, one of the constables asked his wife to cycle to Zwaluwenburg and warn the staff, allowing fifteen Jewish refugees to seek shelter elsewhere.

Read 44 tweets

Richard de Nooy

@RicharddeNooy

Dec 21, 2021

Winter only officially starts today in the Netherlands and we would like to thank the people of South Africa for looking after it for the first two-thirds of December.

The South African government has announced plans to make the country a global leader in poor weather storage for colder countries. “We have already signed an MoU with Finland, which will see most of their March weather taking place in the greater Bloemfontein area.”

One of Europe’s largest weather exchange services, AutumnTransplants™, which transports inclement weather in large cooling units aboard container ships, has announced that it will be opening a major weather handling and slush puppy production facility near Oudtshoorn.

Read 7 tweets

Richard de Nooy

@RicharddeNooy

May 10, 2021

Cees the Stone Age Man, who is considered to be the first North Hollander, lived in 2500 BC and mainly subsisted on a diet of deep-fried take-aways.

In this reconstruction, he is shown checking the menu in a snackbar.

This look is still very popular in Amsterdam, which remains true to its cultural roots despite outside influences.

Read 6 tweets

Richard de Nooy

@RicharddeNooy

Apr 23, 2021

It is a great tragedy that movies like #SixMinutesToMidnight still get made, mainly because there are many more worthwhile, important and fascinating stories to be told about WWII, set in the dark forests and deep valleys of a terrible world far from The Little Island Kingdom.

Thirteen hours later and I’m still seething at the way this cardboard-cut-out, shitely-scripted rush job not only jeopardised my love for Eddie Izzard and Judi Dench, but also took a potentially powerful story and reduced it to a panto version of Murder at Hollycock Manor.

Here’s a story set in the summer of 1942. The fact that you’re looking at this intimate snapshot of six teenagers, basking on a flat roof in Amsterdam, means at least one of them survived the war and saved the picture.

Read 136 tweets

Richard de Nooy

@RicharddeNooy

Mar 4, 2021

In May 1943, a 20-year-old Jewish woman was arrested in Amsterdam and transported more than 1000 kilometres by train to be murdered, because the man who had given her refuge was betrayed to the Nazis by his vindictive ex-wife. The man survived Sachsenhausen and Neuengamme, but...

...died at the age of 45 in 1955. The vindictive ex remarried after the war and lived happily (presumably) ever after until the summer of 1981, when she passed away at the venerable age of 73.

If nothing else, writing non-fiction will teach you there is no such thing as karma.

What interesting to note is that the policeman on desk duty reported the arrest in detail, not only including dates of birth, addresses and full names of all involved, but also the service numbers of the arresting officers, who will have known what fate awaited the young woman.

Read 8 tweets

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!

Ethereum

0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy

Bitcoin

3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Share this page!

Enter URL or ID to Unroll

Richard de Nooy

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

More from @RicharddeNooy

Richard de Nooy

Richard de Nooy

Richard de Nooy

Richard de Nooy

Richard de Nooy

Richard de Nooy

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Send Email!