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Tom
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A thread on the #nffc season for 2018/19. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why we can’t ever have nice things...
August 2018: Collectively off our tits on optimism. Reds channel 1970s Brazil against West Brom. Perfect the art of playing “brilliantly shite” in draws vs Wigan and Brum. What if. What fucking if... Guedioura’s 70-yarder vs WBA actually went in?
September 2018: Joao Carvalho doesn’t run. He glides. He doesn’t rev, he purrs like a wolverine. Some daft Portuguese twat is sat there wondering why he accepted just £13 million for him. Three wins. Get Grabban off fucking penalties, would ye?
October 2018: I swear to god if you ever put that sort of performance in again I will hunt you down and put rat traps in your fucking corn flakes. Fucking Burton. How could you? If Kemar Roofe lived in Saudi Arabia, his hand would’ve been chopped off by now. Thieving bastard.
November 2018: Wait, things look... good? Holy shit, we are a fucking rate team! Something’s brewing. Lolley gets my power of attorney. Aitor gives us the football equivalent of a scary choke-wank by masterminding a 5-5 vs Villa: The thrill of a lifetime, but please, never again.
December 2018: No manager who has to rely on Michael Hefele for more than three games in a row should be judged on his results. Gil Dias, you actual moustache nonce, put your fucking foot through the ball. “Five managers who could replace Karanka” - RIP Local Journalism.
January 2019 (1): I CRUMBLE COMPLETELY WHEN YOU CRY. IT SEEMS LIKE ONCE AGAIN IVE HAD TO GREET YOU WITH GOODBYE...

Thank you for Leeds (H). Thank you for making us all believe in the club again. Thank you for getting Nicholas Randall to sign all those contracts.
January 2019 (2): Its okay: A gaffer that no-one in the top 18 of the championship would employ gets the gig. O’Neill endears himself to the fans by, oh I don’t know, juggling both European Cups while wearing a green jumper. Carvalho’s decision to piss in MON’s porridge backfires
February 2019: Ashley Cole gets escorted to an old people’s home by Joe Lolley. Every referee in the Championship conveniently forgets to bring their guide dog to our games. Ryan Yates does a Space Jam and finds a way to bottle all of Andrea Pirlo’s talent for a few games.
March 2019: Playing your best XI is good, but why risk achieving something when we’ve already got two European Cups in the bag from 40 years ago? Turgid. Boring. Stale. Carvalho single-handedly beats Hull. But he does it with a bit of flair and gets binned for a month.
April 2019: Roy Keane shows us how hard he is by letting one of Rotherham’s Sunday League rejects shove him out the way. Three weeks, four losses. Marinakis slaps O’Neill’s glasses of his head and makes him stop playing the tea lady at centre-back or whatever. Milosevic is a babe
May 2019: Sat here, looking at Bolton, jealous they’re going out of business while we still argue about why being characterised by the past isn’t always positive. Your da bollocks a teenager for not embracing the glory days, then shares a meme about Liverpool “living in the past”
Hope you enjoyed that #nffc fans. If not, and you want to make yourself look a cunt on the timeline, give me some grief. Door’s open.
Thanks everyone. We suffer together but we must laugh together. None of us should feel bullied into feeling a certain way about the club. Embrace the duality of it all - you can love your team and have a burning resentment towards them too. That’s passion innit.
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