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Hello, #Exvangelical fam. What a fucking week it has been. Are you okay? Are you holding up? It has been... a very sad and difficult time. I have been really grateful for everyone's presence this week as we lost one of our own way too soon. I love y'all a lot.
I decided I was going to do an Elisabeth Elliot thread tonight. I've been working on homework for 2 days straight and I'm tired and cranky but I also missed last week and was cranky about that too. So let's talk some shit about purity culture, I think #RHE would be down with that
As always, but ESPECIALLY this week, if you are not feeling up to this, please take care of yourself. I'm gonna dive into all kinds of nonsense. These threads will still be up later, or never. You're more important. Be very good to yourself, you are loved and needed.
If you are wanting to file all this nonsense into your brains atm, let's get to it. You can catch up on the previous threads here if you need to.

twitter.com/i/moments/1094…
Normally I point out that these threads are a lot of labor and you can feel free to buy me lunch if you want to, or get me something off my wishlist. But today, if you want to throw a few dollars somewhere, please send it to Rachel's husband and kids.
I've been going down a bit of an EE rabbit hole lately, the other night I discovered that Jim's journals have also been published so I bought those, and then it turned out their daughter published a new book of their love letters just THIS FEBRUARY. So I ordered that.
I got the book of the love letters a couple days ago, it's actually a really lovely little book. I'm kind of looking forward to reading it? I think I'm still trying to place her into a larger context and I need more information. But I don't want to read more preaching.
And, as far as I can tell, that seems to be what most of her published books are. I'm fascinated by a person who has so much written down from their life, even if I disagree with their interpretation of things. Or especially? No thoughts on how I'll fit this in yet, just a note.
All right, let's jump in, shall we? We last left off at Jim's ASTONISHINGLY bad poem that included the phrase, and this is true, "oozing ache." Our next chapter is called Holding the Pattern, and honestly I'm not gonna complain about chapter titles anymore after Oozing Ache.
She describes how she started to learn to wait. How it's an important discipline "for anyone who wants to learn to trust." So I know we are one sentence in, but I'm going to insist we pause. I used to hear this a lot in one way or another - waiting was how we learned trust.
But you know what? I have not found this to be true in other circumstances. I trust a lot of people in my life, I've been really fortunate. I cannot think of any of them where I feel that trust has been established through waiting. Not saying it's impossible, but... not the norm?
I'm actually just pondering this right now because this was just a thing I was told all the time and I don't think I've questioned it before. I trust people in my life because they are there when I need them, because they're responsive and loving and have SHOWED UP.
Is this a magic god thing? Does only god teach trust through waiting? Please advise.
Anyway. She writes Bible verses about waiting, writes a quote from Amy Carmichael. She's doing a whole lot of pining, basically. LOT of pining. For the man who wrote oozing ache.
On June 9 she walked out to the cemetery with Jim and had a talk. She said they probably shouldn't start writing all the time right away because that doesn't seem in the spirit of this whole waiting thing. Instead they should probably pull back for a bit, etc.
"To allow for the perspective that both distance and silence could give might help us to see the whole thing with cool reason."
You know what I personally find unbearably sexy? "Hey, baby. Let's find a way to view our love with more cool reason." Whatever. To each their own.
"Jim thought that over for a few minutes. Then he spoke of the story he had read in his Bible study that morning - the story of Abraham's offering up of the most precious thing in his life: his son Isaac. 'So I put you on the alter,' he said."
Jim is... real dramatic, y'all. I hope that he stood up and held out his arms and delivered it like a Shakespearean monologue when he said that. Even if he didn't, that's definitely how I am imagining it.
"Slowly we became aware that the moon, which had risen behind us, was casting the shadow of a stone cross on the slab between us.
We were silent for a very long time, pondering this undeniable sign. What Abraham did was the ancient prelude to the full revelation of the love...
of God. The readiness to give up his son and the rewards promised because of it - again the central truth of the Cross was brought to us in a strange and mysterious manner. When the silence became heavy, Jim said, 'And what is to be done with the ashes?' Time would show."
Y'all. Y'ALL. If I didn't hate Jim so goddamn much, I would say this is almost adorable because they are so young and this is SO DRAMATIC. My god. I cannot even. But I do hate Jim, very much, and WHAT IS TO BE DONE WITH THE ASHES INDEED? So help me.
EE skips to a new section to tell us she recently got a letter from a girl - "It seems that time and patience are such key elements to following the way we were intended to go. I think with a good deal of awe upon the fact that you and your first husband waited so long in...
such careful seeking of obedience and I wonder, with a lack of knowing inside, whether that is what is required."
Sigh. I'm not saying you never have to be patient for what you want. Obviously sometimes you do. But this obsessing on it, making it a BADGE OF HONOR.
Particularly for women. Particularly for women. And that means something, right? If you praise and admire being passive, if being active is seen as a detriment... I don't know. Just seems like it is a lot easier to control people that way. Maybe it's just me.
Anyway. Elisabeth sighs and talks about how obviously she can't say if the same will be required for that girl but she will have to take Christ's yolk and stuff. She's got to be cool with uncertainty and just keep handing things to god whenever your thoughts intrude.
She talks about how the hardest thing was waiting SILENTLY and how she wanted to talk to Jim so badly. "But the things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them over thoroughly with God."
So... I hate this very much.
A lot of y'all may not know me personally but like... you've seen me talk on Twitter so I assume you may have gotten the idea that SILENCE isn't really where I thrive. Honestly, y'all, I am SUCH an external processor, it's honestly ridiculous. It can be a huge pain sometimes.
Usually nothing seems like a real thing to me until I've talked it over with at LEAST like 5 different people and also probably written about it at least two different ways. It is a whole thing and process. And of course there are people not like me in this way at all.
But if you ARE like me, then the idea of not talking about something until you've talked it over with the very silent Sky Fairy probably isn't really going to be super healthy or good. The idea that the more deeply you feel things the more silent you should be is... fuck that.
BAH. Anyway. Moving on from that nonsense. She quotes from Idylls of the King about being silent and she talks about Jesus being silent and like... sure. I heard this all my life but it is also okay not to be, fam. The thing that makes you feel good and whole? It's good.
So now we're back to Jim. 3 days before her graduation, they spent the afternoon in a park together and it was very pretty. It's the last afternoon they're going to be together for a while and they talk very little. Mostly they just look at how pretty everything is together.
"I'm sure my heart was full to bursting with things I wanted to say (things like, 'I love you, I can't live without you. How can you do this? I can't bear it,' and all the rest of the desperate phrases women always want to say). I refrained, but it was all I could do."
So, there's more to this paragraph but taking a pause. There's a LOT of self hatred here that is being extended to other women. I've been thinking about this lately as I read journals and such of mine from when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I said a lot of shitty things.
I called girls sluts (including myself but not limited to), I said things that I clearly thought were funny like "Abercrombie bitch girls." I was super judgy and super cruel in my writing and I know that a lot of that was internalized stuff but it doesn't make it okay.
The thing is that was 15 years ago and in 15 years I have changed and grown. I don't talk about people like that anymore, I call it out when I hear OTHER people talking in that way. What is sad to me here is that she did not ever learn better, instead she doubled down.
"I am sure it was good for me to refrain. 'Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut' is a good rule that harmonizes with Scripture."
Okay, but fucking DOES IT? Because there are a whole lot of people in the Bible who definitely did not do that and God seemed down.
"'Keep your mouth shut and show your good sense.' '... the man who talks too much meets his deserts,' and 'when men talk too much, sin is never far away; common sense holds its tongue.'" Finding a mutual appreciation of sun, lake, and birds was a safe kind of communication...
for us that afternoon. God's time for further revelations of the heart might come later. Tomorrow was not our business; it was His. Letting it rest with Him was the discipline for the day, and it was enough."
I think it is FASCINATING that she uses the phrase 'a SAFE kind of communication.' Sometimes people tell on themselves. See, I don't actually think any of this is about love. I've said it before in these threads but I'll say it again - this is entirely about fear.
She is afraid of Jim, and with good fucking reason. I'm not saying she's physically afraid of him but she has reason to be emotionally afraid that he won't come through. She's afraid that the god she believes in is going to pull the rug out from under her. With good reason.
It does seem like she probably TENDS a bit more toward the meek and quiet sort. That helps (or hurts, depending on how you look at it). But this is more than that. This is repressing her actual feelings and needs because it is not safe to express them. Better to look at a flower.
I also am driven crazy by the whole 'tomorrow was not our business, it was his.' Okay, cool but... like you're gonna be there, right? You have SOME stake in all this? I know you're supposed to trust and all that but does that really mean it's not any of your BUSINESS?
Whatever. She quotes another letter she got in 1982. I honestly hate that she does this. Dobson does this too, a ton of Christian authors do and I always feel so icky about stuff around consent and stuff. What if you were reading this book and found your letter? Jesus.
Anyway. This letter was asking if god would let the person know once and for all if they were going to get a husband or not. She says that she felt the exact same way in 1948. This "holding pattern" is apparently an important part of waiting on god. Sure. I guess.
She wanted to know for sure one way or another but also she maybe didn't want to know if the answer was no. She tells us that all of us who have flown understand a holding pattern. You're nearly to where you want to be, you're circling, and then you feel the plane pull up.
The captain comes on the air and tells you that they have been assigned a holding pattern. "People groan. Babies cry. You look out and see the same scenery you saw 15 minutes earlier. You think of the person waiting at the airport for you. You look at your watch and...
try to figure out what will happen if you don't make your connection or appointment. You hope the captain will tell you exactly how long it will be before landing. How long is this circling going to go on?"
I'm gonna say first off that this was clearly written... a while ago.
Also while waiting for a plane to land may indeed seem like it is taking forever, I still don't think it's comparable to waiting on something like a life partner and it rubs me the wrong way to claim it is. So. Whatever.
She quotes more poetry and says God says to trust him.
NEXT CHAPTER. Material for Sacrifice. Sounds good, I'm excited.
So apparently their time by the lake was not the last time to see each other, I misread that. They still have a couple of days left together. Her family came for graduation and she kept having to choose between...
going to events with family or going for a walk with Jim. Who won varied. I don't... could Jim not be with her family? Did they hate him? Or was that too much too fast? I know it's not the same as being alone but better to be together? I don't... I don't get it.
They went back to the famous Lagoon together one last time. "It's going to be hard," he said, "Harder than we'd like to think." Then she rolled her eyes and pushed him into the water.
Sigh. No, she probably didn't do that but I CAN DREAM.
The next night there wasn't time for that long walk so they just went to a nearby field and sat on a blanket. The dew ruined her hair. "'Man, your hair sure went straight!' he said, just when I was hoping he would not notice."
And THEN she killed him. No?
"I think this evening was the first time Jim touched me. He ran the back of his finger down my cheek. A small gesture, big with meaning. I thought of it a thousand times afterward."
Okay 2 things. One is to repeat that this super chaste stuff ALWAYS SOUNDS SO KINKY.
But two is to say that I don't actually believe this. Maybe the first time like... affectionately touched her? I do not believe that he had never like grabbed her arm or something before this. Probably to manhandle her down the road, idk. What do y'all think?
I'm also trying to imagine him sitting there talking shit about her hair falling flat and then... what? Reaching out and touching her cheek? Nothing about her description of him allows me to imagine this scenario as romantic or kind or loving in any way. I AM TRYING.
There were verses about god trying you and bringing you through fire and making you into silver and shit. She found this very meaningful and seemed to be finding it everywhere she looked. Message from god, no doubt. Like shadows. She then quotes an... interesting thing.
"What has been like water from the well of Bethlehem to you recently? Love, friendship, spiritual blessing? Then at the peril of your soul you take it to satisfy yourself. If you do, you cannot pour it out before the Lord. How am I to pour out spiritual gifts, or...
natural friendship, or love? How can I give them to the Lord? In one way only- in the determination of the mind, and that takes about two seconds. If I hold spiritual blessings or friendship for myself they will corrupt me, no matter how beautiful they are.
I have to pour them out before the Lord, give them to Him in my mind, though it looks as if I am wasting them, even as David poured the water out on the sand, to be instantly sucked up."
This is apparently Chambers? I'm unfamiliar. But Y'ALL. THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT HERE.
*deep breath*
Okay. First off, let's just get right into this base, EVIL idea that if there are good things in your life that make you feel whole and complete and loved, they are bad things that will destroy you if you don't sacrifice them to someone else.
I don't actually call stuff evil often, that is not a word I use much these days. But this... y'all this. LOVE. FRIENDSHIP. ("Natural" friendship? Does that... mean not gayness...? I honestly don't know) This literally says what has been like WATER to you lately?
Yeah, yeah, water from the well of Bethlehem, whatever. But WATER, y'all. And you know what? All of those things count. I mean, spiritual gifts don't mean anything to me personally. But let's replace that with like... just general gifts of personality or skill or whatever.
What are the things that feed you, that make you whole? Who are the people who make you feel loved, accepted, cherished, beloved? Who makes you feel the way that we were always told that the god of evangelicals was supposed to make us feel? Friends, lovers, family, pets?
What is it that you DO in your life that brings you that joy? I'm not even going to try to list all of those possibilities, but fill in the blank.
So all those things? They'll destroy you. God will MAKE them destroy you unless you sacrifice them to him in blood.
What does sacrifice mean? Well, that's a great question. And it seems important, right? Considering the context. Does this mean you give them up? Does it mean you do them but less? Does it mean... what does it MEAN? Well, despite a promise of clarity, it doesn't really say.
If I had to guess, based on everything else she's been saying, I would say that it probably means that you are supposed to tell god that you will sacrifice them in whatever way he WANTS you to sacrifice them. That nothing can be more important to you than him.
So maybe he lets you keep these things and maybe he doesn't. Although the line "even though it looks like I am wasting them" gives me pause, I'm not totally sure about that. But I will say that when you are taught that you should feel GUILTY and deeply shamed for joy...
then "turning things over to god" and waiting for his reply? Probably means you will hear whatever you've been taught you should hear. This is CRUEL. It is EVIL. The level to which theology like this has destroyed lives and hearts really can't be measured.
I also want to say that she explains what he's referring to afterwards. She says he's talking about the story in the OT when David is hiding from enemies in a cave and he is longing for water from Bethlehem. 3 of his men risk their lives to go get it for him and return.
When he is given the water, David takes it and pours it on the ground "refusing to drink the blood of his men."
Look... I get this is supposed to be a noble story about David but he sounds like a jerk. Say what you want about whether they should have gone to get the water...
they DID go get the water. And they brought it back and they risked their lives and you aren't honoring them, you are spitting on the fact that they did that. On top of that, you are a king who had POWER. Your wish was more than just a wish and is probably why they went.
And maybe you feel guilty about that, and that makes sense. You should feel guilty about that (honestly I doubt it's that but who knows). But you are not helping by throwing what they did literally into the dirt. That makes you an ASSHOLE, not a noble king.
When I was young I was taught that a god who demands blood sacrifices is an idol, that they are a monster. And you know what? They were right. They just failed to notice they were describing their own god. If anyone demands that you give up yourself to survive... fucking run.
She goes on to talk more about sacrifice, how "God gives us material for sacrifice." About how it may not always make sense to other people, or it could seem fanatical but he always receives them. I mean, unless you're Cain, I guess. But let's not get hung up on details.
She says "what is the 'point' in God's asking Abraham for the sacrifice of his beloved son, Isaac?" She does not answer that question. She assumes we don't need an answer. She also talks about the woman pouring perfume on Jesus' feet and how that wasn't the waste people thought.
But one of those things was a person. And one of those things was perfume. And God didn't make Abraham sacrifice Isaac but boy from my atheist perspective it is still a fucked story, though I know there are other reads on it. And I am not convinced the same... message is in both.
She says she is constantly approached by people telling her of their loneliness, of how they want a spouse. She keeps telling them to give it to Jesus. She tells them that even the loneliness is material for sacrifice.
The transformation they're waiting for only happens when they give it to him. Sigh. I just... idk. I can't. It's so frustrating. Because then if it doesn't work it's because you didn't do enough. And what is "it" anyway. What does giving it to him mean? It's all so fucking VAGUE.
"What will He do with these offerings? Never mind. He knows what to do."
Fuck off.
We're moving past this for the sake of my sanity and of finishing this thread sometime tonight ever.
Graduation happens and Jim drives her to the train station. "I wanted him to kick over all the traces, grab me in a rib-cracking embrace, and kiss me without taking a breath till the train started to pull away. That was what one part of me wanted. Another part said no."
Can I just say that the part of you that said no is a whole lot less specific and imaginative than the part of you that wanted to kiss the person you had feelings for? Just a thing that I'm noting right now.
It's a long train ride to Oklahoma. As the night goes on she keeps trying to calculate how far she is from Jim and imagining him asleep in bed (sleeping soundly, I'll bet). She had copied a poem by Alice Meynell that she read until she memorized it.
She is relieved he didn't see her cry as they said goodbye. Instead they shook hands ("clasped hands would be more like it") and he stood watching as she walked down the platform to her car. She waved as she boarded, and then she left. Could he... not walk her to the car?
NEXT CHAPTER. Honor Above Passion. Sure. She starts out pretty much how I feel you expect on some level.
"Does the story seem strange? Does it stretch to the breaking point an early twenty-first century credulity? If it does, perhaps it is because there is an idea of...
honor here that has largely been lost. Honor is fidelity to a system of fixed values and relations. Is there anything today, even in the imagination of the Christian, for which we are willing to pay the price of self-sacrifice? Any ideal left, any clear-cut goal, any control...
of passion? Surely there is somewhere but it is hard to find."
I gotta tell you, there are moments I have like pure and very intense dislike for her. Hatred is probably strong, that's more for like Dobson, but OOF. This is some bullshit. She should be wailing on a street corner.
IS THERE NO HONOR LEFT IN THIS WORLD??? DOES NO ONE CARRY OUT THEIR LOVE THE WAY I ONCE CARRIED OUT MINE???
But no, my credulity is not stretched to believe that you met a toxic man eager to double down on abusive messages with you. Must be the atheist without honor in me talking
She quotes some poetry and dives right back into the self-righteous bullshit.
"I write in the hope that those who know what honor means will be cheered to see that they are note entirely alone. It may strengthen them to find that, even in recent decades, there are those who...
recognize something far greater than their own passions, even though for the world at large there seems to be nothing else of any consequence. The majority will sacrifice anything - security, honor, self-respect, the welfare of people they love, obedience to God - to passion.
They will even tell themselves that they are obeying God (or at least that He doesn't mind) and congratulate themselves for being so free, so released, so courageous, so honest, and 'up front.'"
Elisabeth. Hun. Can you come here for a second? I need to take a second to say FUCK YOU. OH MY GOD.
You know who is totally willing to sacrifice the welfare of people they love? Evangelicals. You know who congratulates themselves on loving god and being up front? Evangelicals.
What I think turned out to be true for most of us is that the people who actually had honor? Who actually stayed to a set of principles and values? Who actually cared about security and self-respect, and honor, and our welfare? Was anyone outside of the church.
So fuck you and your self-righteous bullshit. YOU WERE NOT SAFE HERE. And you helped create a world where no one else could be either. The fact that you are trying to justify fear in your life doesn't make this okay.
Hey, my bbs. Are you doing okay? This is a LOT this week, honestly. Can we all take a breath together?

And again.

You are loved. You are enough. And if you read this book or any other book that told you differently, it was a LIE.

Okay. Let's keep going.
There's going to be a lot of direct quoting because sometimes I'm just not sure what else to do.
"The greater the potential for good, the greater the potential for evil. That is what Jim and I found in the force of the love we bore for each other."
Okay, but how? What evil seemed likely here? *I* can think of a few things but I don't think we'd agree on them.
"A good and perfect gift, these natural desires. But so much more necessary that they be restrained, controlled, corrected, even crucified, that they might...
be reborn in power and purity for God."
The VIOLENCE in this sentence is real intense even for her, even for these types of books. Like we've heard these basic concepts but to have this much in a row is a lot. It makes me think of like breaking a horse. It's gross.
"I don't think we ever talked about honor as a concept. Jim honored me as a woman; I honored him as a man. We saw the difference, all right. How sharply we saw and felt and were awed by the difference between a man and a woman. A system of fixed values and relations...
held us apart, each holding the other in reverence for the Owner. His we were, all the rights were His, all the prerogatives to give or to withhold according to the pattern of His will, which remained, as yet, a mystery to us. Few, I suppose, even of those who hold the same...
system of values, need to go through so prolonged and so exquisitely cautious a process. Perhaps most learn their lessons with greater facility than we did, I don't know. For us, this was the way we had to walk, and we walked it. Jim seeing it his duty to protect me...
I seeing it mine to wait quietly, not to attempt to woo or entice."
So... sigh. In some ways there is a lot of the usual garbage about male and female. And from what I've seen of the chapter titles we're going to get a LOT MORE INTO THAT so I won't die on this hill tonight.
I do want to say real quick that it would be just swell if we could stop referring to God owning people or anyone owning people as if it is some kind of positive thing and not based in slavery and super racist and horrific bullshit. That would be awesome. Let's do that.
Her last line about not seeking to woo or entice. I just... again with that PASSIVITY. And I honestly can't tell. A part of me thinks she was more prone to this naturally. But y'all there are times she gets FIERY. She is clearly fierce, or she had that potential.
WAS she really so prone to passivity? Or did they in fact find a way to beat it out of her in the name of Jesus? And what we see here, and what so many have suffered from, is her trying to justify that that happened? I don't know. But it seems possible to me.
She quotes a Christina Rosetti thing, says it expresses love beautifully. It's all about loving God and that's why they love you and... such. Basically it's about the whole threesome with God that your relationship is expected to be and how relationships only work that way.
LAST CHAPTER I AM DOING TONIGHT. I will admit I kept reading when I was reading with Erik because this chapter was called Little Deaths and that tickled me. But alas, it is not about orgasms because OBVIOUSLY she would never. Still, we can all pretend together.
So she's now at the University of Oklahoma and she's studying linguistics. Apparently there is an enormous stadium there and during the summer it was empty (I am not a sports person, what is the summer sport they apparently don't play?). She climbed to the top row of bleachers.
She would often sit up there, trying to catch a breeze and watch the sunset. All sounds far too warm for me but it does at least sound pretty, so that's nice. She would read and pray and such up there.
"I was disturbed to find that I could not think, read, or pray except about Jim Elliot. He loomed in every thought, every line I read in the Bible or anywhere else. He got mixed up in the morphology, syntax, and phonetics I was stuffing into my head. He distracted my prayers.
It is a good thing the Lord has compassion on all who fear Him, knows how we are made, and remembers we are only dust. He loved us both, knew exactly how we loved each other, and used even the detours to bring us home again."
I just... sweetheart. I don't want to say it's fine you were in love with Jim because he was awful. But you are not a bad person for BEING IN LOVE. And the gratitude that you express towards your Sky Dad for not obliterating you for having these thoughts is... heartbreaking.
Her journal quotes more from the Bible and prayer and such. Apparently Jim's brother Bert was at the same school as her. She would sometimes see him unexpectedly, but also they hung out, would play piano together. He was a constant reminder of Jim.
I personally assume that Jim told Bert to make sure he kept an eye on her, in the worst possible interpretation of that. But whatever. It's nice that they got along, I guess? Although if he was so much like Jim, I assume he was also very, very terrible.
"'When the will of God crosses the will of man,' Addison Leitch said, 'somebody has to die.' Life requires countless 'little' deaths - occasions when we are given a chance to say not to self and yes to God."
It's always weird to me they don't realize they're describing a monster.
Like God will literally crush your will and yourself, he will kill the parts of you that don't fit with him, he will get rid of whatever doesn't fit. That's not a loving deity. That's abuse. I don't know how many times I can say it but I will just keep saying it anyway.
She quotes Paul. She says that some 'little deaths' she experienced were seeing Bert's profile (like Jim's), "to contemplate the blessedness of marriage as I watched couples who were taking the same course at the university," calling up memories of times she and Jim had together.
But she assures us that God only murders parts of us so that we can live, because of course he doesn't want ACTUAL death for us. She talks about how seeds have to go into the ground to grow. I heard this a lot when I was young but... seeds don't actually die in the ground.
Like it's dark and I guess that could suck except that they're a seed and have no eyes or nerves so actually it's pretty much fine. The life inside them is still there. They are not murdered in the ground to grow into a tree. Just... as a note.
And then she says that it takes faith to believe all these things in just the same way it takes faith for a farmer to plant a seed, which AGAIN. I'm not sure that those are the same definitions of faith. In fact I feel certain they are not. The farmer has reason to trust.
One time we had Mormon kiddos come talk to us every week (or every other) for most of a summer. It was an experiment, I was not trying to convert, it's a long story. But sometimes they bring local grown ups with them to try to attract you to the local temple.
One time they brought this guy who kept harping on faith. And he told @ErikMKort and I that every time we went to fill our car with gas, we were doing it on faith. And Erik was like no... not so much. I have lots of good reason to believe gas will come out of the pump.
And if gas does NOT come out of the pump, I have every good reason to believe the Out of Order sign blew away, not that a magical sky fairy failed to turn on the spigot.
He was not impressed with us. BUT IT WAS A VALID POINT. Roughly the same is true about farmers is my point.
But she assures us it takes faith to live like we believe this (well, THAT is certainly true), "faith to act on it, faith to keep looking at the joyful end of it all. A failure of faith here leads certainly to resentment and then to depression. The destruction will go on and on."
So that's a fun note about how depression is caused because you didn't believe in God enough, I guess, or because you didn't enjoy having a ton of dirt piled on top of you and assured that it's for the best, don't worry, you don't need to breathe, God is killing that part of you.
And THAT IS THE END of this chapter and of what I'm doing tonight.
Again, my bbs, this was quite long and there was a lot here. I suspect there will be more and not less of this as we move forward, I will try to keep that in mind and have breathing breaks and cute things.
Let me know if anything is helpful to you in the process of reading as far as your own self care. <3
Please feel free to comment or DM me or whatever you like. I love hearing from you. Thanks for reading, y'all.
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