Thread by @TipsForTarbiyah

7 common mistakes parents make when raising children
We assume and also tell others how well behaved our little ones are. However, if mistakes are made in raising them then these will become more apparent as they get older and it will stick with them for the rest of their lives.

🔹 Interrupting others – Ever had a situation where you’re on the phone and you tell your little ones not to interrupt? Unfortunately, that doesn’t work. The correct method is teaching your child patience.

This can be done by either of the two things; you can sit them down before calling someone and let them know that you will be on the phone from this time until this time. If you behave really well and not interrupt me, then after the phone call, I will listen to you In’Shaa Allah

🔹 Being stubborn – Every gone for shopping and your child just keeps annoying you by touching other things or insisting on buying things? Children should understand that you can’t purchase everything in the store.

Children assume that we have gone shopping without any system or structure. So before going shopping, prepare your children by making a list together with your little ones. If they can’t read yet, let them be creative and tell them to draw pictures.

When you go shopping, let your child be in charge of this paper ensuring you get everything you need. This will keep their minds occupied and let them know that we need to make it back before the next Salah and if it’s holiday or a weekend tell them we will go in the morning

The reason for this is it will be quiet and the prophet ﷺ said “O Allah, bless my Ummah in the early hours of the morning” (Ibn Majah). This way, the child will grow up to build their lives around Salah times and instead of delaying things which is a common problem in our time.

They will get it done during the early hours of the day which will result not only in a productive but also a very successful individual In’Shaa Allah.

🔹 Being polite – The children should be taught that it’s a part of Adab and Akhlaaq to use polite words like ‘Please’ or ‘Jazak’Allahu Khayran’. Even if it’s a non muslim, teach them to show their appreciation to them too and say ‘Thank you’.

A method of practically bringing this into their lives is not responding to them unless they’re polite. For example, instead of saying ‘water water’ they should say ‘Please could I have some water?’

Also, as a parent always say Salaam and Jazak’Allahu Khayran first without waiting for your child to say it first. Children learn from examples, so be that role model for your children.

🔹 Keeping conversations confidential – Children don’t know shame or embarrassment, so when they hear you talking on the phone or to someone. Believe me, they will remember everything!

Due to having very little experience, a child finds it difficult to understand that there is information that shouldn’t be shared with others. So, they’ll tell others everything they heard. They should be taught that every majlis is Amaanah and Amaanah should be kept confidential

Also, it is a very bad habit of parents to backbite in front of their kids. This is dangerous for the children’s upbringing because today you speak about someone in front of them, but tomorrow they will speak to someone about you.

Imam Al Ghazali Rahimahullah says protect your tongue from 8; lying/slandering, backbiting, breaking a promise, arguing, praising oneself, cursing and supplicating against creation. All of these diseases are very dangerous and can be passed onto the child DIRECTLY from the parent

🔹 Building confidence – ‘Don’t run or you’ll fall’ ‘Don’t get a bike or you’ll have an accident’ ‘Don’t climb a tree or you’ll fall and get hurt’. Hearing all of this will only instil fear in the heart of the child.

To the extent that when this parent allows the child to go to the playground freely, they’d choose not to risk their ‘life’ for a momentary pleasure. If they want to run, play or ride a bike, give them freedom and teach them to make decisions on their own.

If they get hurt, instead of lecturing them about how much you told them not to, teach them to recognise their mistakes and overcome their problems so in the future, the same mistake aren’t made again.

🔹 Being considerate – It’s hard for the child to imagine others wanting anything other than what the child themselves want. Parents can’t do what they want or what they need to because all of their time is spend behind their little ones.

Sit down with the child and tell them that you need to cook so that everyone can have food for lunch/dinner and we need to eat so we have strength for Ibaadah. Or you’ll be working so you can provide for the family from a Halal source

The child will then understand and will ask ‘Are you free?’ to which you don’t reply ‘no I’m busy’. Instead you say, I’ve just got this much to do and then we can play if that’s okay? Some parents work so much that that they pay no attention to the Tarbiyyah of the child.

This one child asked his father how much he earns in an hour? He replied £10 so the child asked if he could have £5. Without thinking, the father got angry and said ‘I just gave you £5 why do you want another one? So the child didn’t say anything and went to his room.

Later on the father felt guilt and remorse so he went to the child and have him £5. So he asked the child what he needs the money for? The child with already £5 in his hand from his father, reached from under his pillow and took out the £5 he was given before.

He gave it to the father and said ‘Father, here is £10, could I have one hour from your day?’. Let this not be the case for our little ones also. Mufti Shabbir Saheb says we should spend minimum 1 hour with our children daily on their Tarbiyyah.

🔹 Positive thinking – We tend to compare our children with others and we teach them to look down at others. For example, if your child gets a low grade and you say the child of so and so got a better mark, this wont help at all. Instead say ‘Oh don’t worry, mistakes happen.

After all we are Insaan right. Regardless of your grades we are your parents and we will always love you. We will continue to support you until we can get things right.

Another example would be if there’s a homeless person on the street and you pass by with your child. Don’t say ‘If you don’t study hard, you’ll end up just like him’.

Instead say ‘If you work hard, you will be able to make the world a better place for him’

A negative mind will never give a person a positive life so we should always encourage positive thinking through Dua, constant effort and Tawakkul.

#Tarbiyyah #Tarbiyah #RaisingChildren #Parenting