, 25 tweets, 7 min read Read on Twitter
1. Good afternoon and welcome to today's #ShadowBriefing. It's been 95 days since the last White House briefing, but only on day, actually about 20 hours since the last Shadow Briefing. Let me get right to the news. The President has made a decision on who will replace
2. @PressSec The President was very appreciative of the nearly 10 million people who applied for the job overnight, but none of them are getting the job. Rumors of Don Jr.'s girlfriend and Diamond and Silk sharing the job are also false. The President in a forward thinking
3. move is not replacing Sanders with another man or women, the job will be filled by a computer bot, a bot based in St. Petersburg Russia. The President has been continually impressed with the way Russian bots can dominate the American political narrative and signed a MOU
4. with Russian President, a close buddy, Putin to outsource the Communications function. This dovetails very well with the President's decision earlier this week to outsource our intelligence gathering to Russian and Chinese intel services. The President believes we'll be
5. getting more with less. Which is exactly the opposite approach he took with his tax cut, where more people get less. The President will unveil a cutesy nickname of the new Press Secretary at his July 4th MAGA Mall bash. Look for clues by donating to the Trump campaign.
6. Q from Mr. Hackett, who freelances right now after getting laid off as Editor of his daily newspaper. Q. Is the President upset that most Americans are celebrating his birthday as #JohnMcCainDay ? A. That doesn't bother him at all. He still thinks McCain is a loser, in fact
7. He said just this morning, the guy couldn't even beat cancer. What a loser. I do have to say the President was upset when his son brought home a card from school today with Father crossed out for Sunday to read Happy #JohnMcCainDay. That one stung a bit.
8. Lois? Q The President went on @foxnews this morning to celebrate #JohnMcCainDayJune14 and seemed to hedge on taking information from foreign governments. A. No hedging with this President, his pattern is clear as I made crystal clear yesterday. He makes an outrageous
9. Seems to walk it back and then doubles down. He did both in the interview today giving everybody a little something. Bottom line, hey Russia, hey China, hey N. Korea, hey Norway, you got dirt on Dems, let's do some business together. Q. followup? Isn't that un-American?
10. A. The President doesn't see things as American or UnAmerican...he sees things as Trumpian or NeverTrumpian. Look at it that way and the rest of almost everything he does makes a lot more sense. He's transcending our democracy with his own narcissism. Understand?
11. Q. The President also accused his former WH Counsel of lying to Robert Mueller. A. That's an easy one...who would you believe, a lawyer who spent 30 hours under oath with Mueller's team or a President who's lied more than 10,000 times and refused to be interviewed by the SC?
12. Wait, that may not be my best answer. Who has more to gain from lying? A DC lawyer under oath who could be disbarred or a President who is immune from prosecution and who believes collusion is good and obstruction is necessary. Ummm, that doesn't sound right. Let me go
13. off my talking points for a minute. The President is telling the truth and McGhan is lying because the President says so and since George Washington Presidents have never told a lie. (my stuff is always better than this staff written crap. Q. POTUS also laid out plans...
14. to repaint Air Force one in the image of Melania. He referenced Jackie O as the original inspiration for the blue color scheme. He said Melania and the red white and blue would be even better. He told Fox News, Jackie O was babe no doubt and I would have moved on her,
15. But can you imagine Jackie O with a boob job and some botox and a little tuck here and there. she'd have been an eleven. Almost as hot as Ivanka. Fox News had some technical problems so we can't make out what he said next.
16. Q Does the White House have any reaction to ABC stations around the country posting Trump campaign happy birthday messages for the President on their own sites? A. Well we look at it this way, it was like the affiliates were buying us a drink before the network kicks
17. our ass on Sunday night. They just wanted us to feel better about the whole experience. Q. Speaking of Sunday night, whose decision was it to give ABC access and Fox access at the American cemetery. A. Those were very poor decisions that the President was pressured
18. into and personnel changes have been made to address them. In other words, no bot is going to come up with such a stupid strategy going forward. Q Will the President watch the interview with George on Sunday night? A. Only if it's simulcast on Fox or an embedded video
19. In whatever @maggieNYT is writing for Monday morning. Q. why doesn't the President take the violation of the Hatch Act more seriously? A. The President doesn't take any law seriously that doesn't work for him. It's a thing, since he can pardon himself laws don't apply.
20. That was pretty easy to follow and you're not going to get such a rich nuanced answer from a bot, I'll tell you that. That's why everyone should stick with the #shadowbriefing brought to by @WMM_podcast and Tony's Tuxedo's.
21. Q. Is there any truth to the rumor that the success of the Shadow briefing had something to do with Sarah Sanders departure. A. Well I hope there is since I started the rumor.
22. Q Can you give us an honest assessment of Sanders performance? A. Man, don't make me type that whole thing again. Check out my piece on CNN.com Spoiler alert--she didn't fair well. Not telling the truth is a real reputation bummer in communications biz.
23. Last question PLEASE...Q Will the President invite the Toronto Raptors to the White House. A. As you know the President doesn't like the NBA or basketball players in general. It's just a coincidence that the majority of players are African American. But I can announce
24. the Raptors will be invited because now quoting the President, that will really piss of Steph Curry. Extra security measures will be in place because the President still views Canada as a national security threat. That's it for today...happy fathers day and
25. don't miss watching ABC Sunday night. For a warmup pull out the Lester Holt interview to decide which one @realDonaldTrump screwed himself more.
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