, 26 tweets, 6 min read Read on Twitter
1. Welcome to the WH #ShadowBriefing prime time Epstein edition. It's been almost 120 days since the last White House briefing so no questions get asked and no questions get answered. That's what we're here for. I know I'm late, but I'm under a lot of pressure, this is a hard
2. job. Let me start by saying @realDonaldTrump is in a very good. mood tonight. he is a firm believer in the law of threes. And as three of his good friends sit in jail tonight, Cohen, Manafort and Epstein, he believes there's no way he'll ever go to jail. There is no
3. science to that, its just what he believes. In fact there is no science to anything in this administration. Just what the big man thinks. Ok let's get to questions. Q. How close a friend is Jeffrey Epstein. A. Very close. You've seen the quotes, POTUS believes he's a
4. great guy and loves very young women, something the President admires in him and says he's had fun with him. Q. Has the President ever been to his private island? A. Probably. Why wouldn't he. He paid a bunch of money to run the Miss Jr. America so he could hang around the
5. dressing room with a bunch of naked teens. Why wouldn't he take advantage of it if it was offered for free? Q. Has he ever engaged in sexual activity with underage girls. A. Again, I've got to give. you a probably here just based on the stuff he's said publicly. I'm not
6. just going to come out and ask him directly. We've got a strategy here of creating a little doubt so all the Christians can keep supporting us. Q. Isn't it wrong fro the President to consort with a known pedophile.? A. What planet have all you guys been living on for the
7. past few years. First off he told everyone to vote for Roy Moore, the first Senate candidate to be officially banned from shopping Malls. Second, he's been open about his friendship and shared interests with Epstein. Third, you've got the Access Hollywood tape where he talks
8. openly and proudly about his ability to sexually assault women. He's got more than 20 women who have credibly claimed sexual assault and rape against the President. He said he could murder someone on 5th avenue and get away with that. And after all that 63 million people
9. voted for him and you guys in the press equated all that with Hillary deleting some emails. How can you be surprised, shocked or disapproving here. You were part of all this. Sexual assault as morally equivalent to emails. We've got this all figured out.
10. Epstein poses no danger to us. Unless he flips. The President hates flippers. Than we'll sing a different song. Remember Jeffrey--pardons go on sale the first of every month. Medal's of freedom are every other month. Other issues? Q. Why has the WH directed
11. Annie Donaldson to not answer more than 200 questions before Congress. Didn't the President say he was vindicated. A. Because every Administration has to be good at something. Clinton created jobs, Bush fought terrorism, Kennedy got us to the moon, Obama got healthcare.
12. We're the best at obstructing justice, even better than Nixon. Barr is the man even if he looks like Fred Flintstone. We're not giving anything to anyone. Even the Supreme Court can go pound sand. We're also really good at sucking up to dilators. Don't forget that.
13. Speaking of Barr, why has he now weighed in on the Census and the legality of the citizenship question? A. Because the President is planning to appeal the SCOTUS decision to the Justice Dept. and it's important to know that Barr runs his families law firm in addition
14. being the AG. A little advice, that's how POTUS thinks it works so challenge him at your own risk. There are a couple of DoJ lawyers currently looking for work who did just that. He's confident he'll win on appeal. Full Stop.
15. The President gave an environment speech today claiming credit for clean water and clean air while he's been stripping all protections for both. How can he say that? A. Yeah, kind of ironic, Trump giving an environmental speech. But when people believe all his other shit
16. why not go for it on the environment. I had a glass of water today and it tasted fine. The taste test is much more important than science, just ask POTUS. Q. Are you worried about Felix Sater's testimony before Congress tomorrow. A. Me personally? Not really.
17. The President worried? A. Oh, yeah he should be. Lots of info on Russian mob bosses and Putin and Trump. POTUS said not to worry though because they've arranged for his family to be there and that should shut him up. It's really amazing how not reading books hasn't hurt
18. and how much benefit he's gotten out of watching Godfather II ten times. Q. The great thinker of our age, Jessie Watters, said the American women hurt their chances of getting equal pay by speaking out about it. Does the POTUS agree with Mr. Watters?
19. POTUS agrees with everything Jesse Watters says. They have about the same IQ and have read as many books as each other. Between those 2 and Steve Doocey they're read almost, well nothing. Anyway, the President cites slaves as doing it right, keeping quiet and waiting for
20. white superior men to bestow favors upon them. He believes that Martin Luther King fellow set them back several generations. Making America Great Again at it's core is making sure women, blacks, hispanics, gays et al know their rightful place in our country. #MAGA2020
21. Q The President used a fake quote from Ronald Reagan to praise him. Isn't that wrong. A. The President was just talking to Reagan last week with Frederick Douglass and he said all those things. Just ask him. Q. The UK Ambassador had some rather rough things to say about
22. POTUS in some leaked cables. He thinks he's stupid and the entire government is inept. A. The President doesn't necessarily dispute the content of the cables but knows it doesn't matter. Look at his tweets and statements today. He's only going to deal with the Queen
23. from now on. She's the only one who gets him. He's hoping she'll send some beautiful letters to him. Q. The President went after the media again in the harshest terms yet calling one company degenerates and criticizing Brian Williams for making up a story.
24. isn't that kinda leading with his chin given he's made more than 10k false statements since assuming office? A. As the President lies to say(see what I did there) Williams made the ultimate mistake, he admitted it. @realDonaldTrump is never going to admit to a lie.
25. How is the President preparing for next week's Mueller testimony. A. The President will be put into an induced coma for 24 hours in the interests of national security. No telling what he might do if he's actually awake and drinking covffe. Last question. Q Is POTUS
26. losing it? A. Why do you assume he ever had it. See you tomorrow unless the White House finds some courage over night.
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