Ref recent attention on spousal Domestic Violence (DV) – different dynamics from in-laws/ natal family DV. I’ve worked cases. Thread for those wanting to help in spousal DV (trigger warning). There are warning signs of DV on internet, look them up (1)
Physical & sexual violence is 1 part. Accompanies emotional abuse, suicide threats, forced isolation, surveillance, smashing things, displaying weapons, threatening to take kids, withholding money, threat signals/ reminders, gaslighting etc. (2)
Its not 27/7. There are happy phases when abuser makes efforts/ grand gestures, tension-building phases before violence, followed by begging for forgiveness/ reconciliation followed by calm and happy phase before tension builds again (3)
There’s a high probability she will go back to him. Usually leaves and returns a few times before psychologically ready for clean break. You cannot rescue her. Or make the decision to leave for her. She’ll cut you off if you pressure her & isolate herself in the process (4)
He’s usually got excuses/ justifications including ‘you forced me to do it’, ‘it was jealousy bec I love you so much’, ‘hurts me more than it hurts you’, ‘it wasn’t as bad, youre exaggerating’, ‘you can fix it/help me fix it, it’s a joint responsibility’ etc.May believe those(5)
If you hate on him, she’ll cut you off or start lying to you or make excuses. Focusing on wrongness of act helps more. Convince her she’s not instigating abuse, not her fault, she’s not crazy or delusional or overreacting (6)
Help by making a safety plan for if and when she decides to leave. First 48 hours are critical for security. Plan can include stash of money, backup phone with saved numbers, NIC copy, where to go/ safe location, lawyer’s number etc. (7)
If and when she leaves, know the formal system. There are some shelters that will take in women and children both, some wont. Option to file report with police – not ever easy, but doable. Women’s rights org can help (8)
There are new DV laws in place in some provinces – in Sindh, the law has been used successfully for prosecution & conviction. Find lawyers who know. Be prepared for public slander and abuse, for yourself as well as abused woman in question (9)
Help her take back control of her life. Its easier for her to transfer her dependence on him onto dependence on you. Dont let it happen.
I hear it was the stairs.
Again.
Its a global epidemic.
About those stairs:
If you can, see this 2 minute video till its last slide
youtube.com/watch?v=l7HqwA…
(trigger warning: falling down stairs & domestic violence)
then try searching these phrases together on google
Again.
Its a global epidemic.
About those stairs:
If you can, see this 2 minute video till its last slide
youtube.com/watch?v=l7HqwA…
(trigger warning: falling down stairs & domestic violence)
then try searching these phrases together on google
