Hello friends! I snuck away from our summer airstream adventure to join you all for the #EverythingHappens Twitter Chat on #JeanVanier’s “Becoming Human.” I would love to hear your thoughts on feeling fragile, recognizing everyone else does too, and how we all need each another.
When #JeanVanier was 36, a friend showed him the horrible living conditions endured by people with disabilities. Many were institutionalized without love, community, or care.
The result of this visit for Vanier was a lifelong dedication to serving the oppressed through L’Arche, communities in which people with intellectual disabilities live among friends. #EverythingHappens
Through living in these communities, Vanier learned what it means to become human—by embracing our weaknesses and depending on one another. What does “being human” mean to you? #EverythingHappens
Lately I imagine "being human" as being...temporary. Noticing myself IN time. Oh look, I'm 39. I'm medium old. I am delicate and need to care for others with more grace.
American, self-help culture glorifies rugged individualism in order to live our best life now. But what if you aren’t just five easy steps away from a happier, healthier life?
What about when the power of positive thinking can’t cure a chronic illness? Or making your bed isn’t the fix-it for a failed marriage or eating the frog won’t heal the grief of losing someone you love? What about when there are things you can’t just get over?
Vanier takes the opposite approach: “We do not discover who we are in a solitary state; we discover it through mutual dependency, in weakness, in learning through belonging.” He reminds me that we are all more fragile than we imagine and need one another more than we think.
What are some ways we can give each other permission to be fragile? Or to meet someone else in their limitations with grace?
“We are freed when we begin to put justice, heartfelt relationships, and service of others and of truth over and above our own needs for love and success or our fears of failure and of relationships.” (p.115) OH GEEZ. That one is so beautiful. What quotes stood out to you?
In the best version of community, there are no teachers and students. As @Sarcasticluther says, faith is a team sport. We all take turns at the oars. If you need someone else to take over, I hope you feel permission this week to be nurtured.
And if you have some extra energy, maybe someone you know needs a boost?
There are no heroes in communities. Just people who need each other. Thank you for letting me be needy! I’m so grateful. Love you all. Have an amazing rest of your day, my dears.
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(Adapted for a communal setting from The Lives We Actually Have, page 188)
Blessed are we in the tender place between curiosity and dread,
We who wonder how to be whole,
when dreams have disappeared and part of us with them,
where mastery, control, determination, bootstrapping, and grit,
are consigned to the realm of before (where most of the world lives),
in the fever dream that promises infinite choices, unlimited progress, best life now.
Blessed are we in the after,
forced into stories we never would have written.
A blessing for when today already feels like too much
AND TOMORROW DOESN'T LOOK GOOD EITHER
I was hoping to be the kind of person by now
who doesn’t tumble, headlong, into the day
falling, falling, falling
from the high board
without nearly enough water below.
God, I swear I didn’t plan it like this.
But here I am, hoping for another miracle.
Lord, bless these dumb plans
that will short circuit my thinking
and make me fragile, brittle.
Lord, bless these multiplying tasks
that swarm like mosquitoes.
Underneath this to-do list
and these calendar invites
and these many obligations
is a set of loves.
A blessing for if you are in pain
(because so few people let us talk about it)
Blessed are you on this pain-filled day.
When getting out of bed deserves an award.
When you can’t remember what it feels like
not to be so aware of your own body.
When you arrange your weeks
around limitations or side effects.
Or when you stop telling the truth altogether about how badly it hurts,
how scared you are of your own mind
or the boring details of another non-diagnosis
because you’re afraid people have stopped caring.
You speak a language of suffering
the world doesn’t try to understand.
a blessing for when your family disappoints you
(and admitting that feels terrible)
God, the very people who are supposed to
love me and know me best have let me down.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a way forward.
I’m losing my sense of home
and the reality of it fills me with a kind of fear.
However big, however small,
this pain feels unforgivable.
I know they’re only human (really, I know),
but their mistakes feel like they echo through me.
They strike a painful chord that rings on and on,
and I feel convinced, all at once, that I am not loved.
Not known.
Not safe.
I feel small all over again.
So bless me, God,
when tears prick at my eyes and I feel lost to myself
Bring me home.
A prayer for when you feel invisible (and need someone to see you)
Dear God,
I always feel like the last one picked.
The left out, the unclaimed. It’s hard to miss.
My gifts are not welcome. My tears are not seen.
My pain is not registered. I feel invisible.
Jesus, when You walked among us,
You became the one rejected.
You were abandoned—even betrayed—
by Your best friends, barred from the religious institution, rejected by Your very own people.
You became one with suffering itself, and as an outcast You opened the door for us to find a home with You,
a community of outsiders.
You showed us exactly what You thought
of such exclusion and rejection.
Blessed are you, friend, sitting among the shards of what could have been. It is broken now, that dream you loved, and it has spilled out all over the ground.
Blessed are you, dear one, letting your eyes look around and remember all the hope your dream once contained. All the love. All the beauty.
Blessed are you, telling your tears they can flow. Telling your anger it can speak.