, 15 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
My sister and brother in law are going on a trip, celebrating their anniversary, and I am watching their two kids for a week. And I just realizing this means I will have five teenagers in my house.



For a WEEK.

Pray for me.
Update on teenagers: I cooked two pounds of new potatoes, two pounds of tofu, three pounds of broccoli, a pound of shrimp, a pound and a half of sauteed broccoli, a large bowl of feta and olives, a large bowl of tabbouleh, and flatbread with melted cheese AND THEY ATE ALL OF IT.
Like, I just don't even know how this is even possible. I was counting on leftovers for tomorrow's lunch. How can there not be leftovers?
Update on teenagers:

They are all still asleep. Have made a cistern of pancake batter and have warmed approximately one gallon of syrup. (not really. but a lot.) I also have a box and a half of veggie sausage ready to go. These kids are gonna be FULL, goddamnit.
Pancake batter is killed. They ate ALL of it. And now - goddamnit. Two of them are eating Skittles. Who brought Skittles?
But! Good news! Contrary to my earlier tweet, turns out that a small portion of the 1.5 lbs of sauteed mushrooms actually made it through last night's dinner and I have spooned them into my morning's omelette, which I am happily eating right now. By myself. In the garage. #peace
Teenagers update:

I made two pounds of pasta with I don't even know how much roasted vegetables and feta and white beans and parm. Put it in a bowl the size of a wagon wheel. Served salad in a similarly sized bowl. They ate it ALL.
Actual conversation:
"I think I want to be a historian. Like for my job."
"Because that way when I get interviewed for documentaries the caption will say Me, comma, historian."
Only one teenager awake at present. Three bowls of cereal eaten.
Also, there is a birthday among the group today, so I am taking all of them rock climbing. I don't know if this will just efficiently burn the mass quantities already consumed, or if it will just make them all more hungry.

Probably the second thing. Damnit. Grocery store. STAT.
It occurred to me, briefly, that I could take them to the #mnstatefair but I mixed that idea as I don't want to bankrupt my family for generations.
Actual conversation:

"Did you hear about Spiderman?"
"I know right? It's messed up."
Ancillary conversation.

"Guys. Stop saying bruh. It sounds stupid"
"I say what I want."
"You might as well be saying bra."
"Don't say bra. It's to embarrassing."
(Sung. To the tune of "Deep in the Heart of Texas.") "Bra bra bra bra, bra bra bra bra." 👏👏👏👏
And another:

"If Sony wants to mess up Spiderman, maybe Robert Downey Jr. Should just buy it."
"You know. With all of his . . ."
"You're thinking of Tony Stark. Please tell me you know he's not Tony Stark."
"Well yeah, but."
Oh yeah also?

I took them out for burritos and we were served the hugest hunks of food I've ever seen. I ate a quarter of mine. The girls ate most of theirs, while the boys devoured theirs in about nine seconds.

Not twenty minutes later: "I'm hungry. Did we pack sandwiches?"
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