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This morning I looked out in my backyard and Bernie Sanders was sitting in between my bird feeders, talking to the asshole squirrels.

The squirrels were holding up teeny, tiny signs that had my picture on them and 'Down With the Sam' written underneath. They were chanting.
Bernie was yelling/speaking about how the asshole squirrels had every right to eat the birdseed, and that I owed them an equal meal because birdseed is a squirrel right. A little bit of spittle flew from this lips as he accused me of being a 1%r and a squirrel bigot.
I stood by my window, jaw on the ground ... watching Bernie push socialism to the squirrels. Mongo, the one squirrel who has hung in to steal from the feeders since early spring, stood up with tears in his eyes and claimed that the seed is ALL of their seed, and asked the birds
to join forces with them against evil Sam. He started talking about how I not only owed them seed but money for college and healthcare as well. The other asshole squirrels cheered and shooke their angry little asshole squirrel fists.

Bernie smirked at me.
I flipped him off.
And yeah, of course, this didn't happen but I figure if Beto and other Democrats can make up crazy bullshit so can I, and at least mine is slightly entertaining.
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