Thread by @irsik_j

So I got word back that I can not bring charges against my abusers. They said to get a disability lawyer and try and get on disability. Ok. But how then will I prove these atrocities ever happened? And will the CPS try and take my child, saying I'm unfit.

I'm not a danger to myself or anyone. And who wouldn't have some form of PTSD or other issues after suffering from what I've been through. So let's get this straight.
4 ppl sexually abused me for 3 yrs age 3-6. They tortured me with fear of speaking out.

I went through counseling from 8-16 I never revealed the abuse. I went through quite a few therapists as they kept dropping me because I wasn't being honest. But I was told my whole family would die. Hence why I wanted to end my life so young.

I figured if I was gone, it would save their life. By the time I reached 14, I was having two hour nose bleeds because I was using an 8ball of coke daily. I was using hard drugs to mask my pain. No lie. Then at 16 my principal made me do a book report on the black bible....

..in order to get back into school after dropping out. I was young dumb and had no clue about religion whatsoever. I spent a few months with the book and eventually came to the conclusion it was garbage, I thought the same of the Holy Bible at the time. I became a staunch atheist

I know this is long but it's the short version and can all be backed up with witnesses. Anyways that summer after trying to get rid of that cursed book I was falsely accused of murder. Not just killing someone but brutally murdering a kid my age.

I grew up in Elkhart Ks a very small farm town, so when the news broke I was number one suspect. You see the elements have to be laid out just right. That night I had snuck out of my moms house to meet my girlfriend I lived on a farm 2 miles out. My mom called the cops ....

....a week prior I had kicked the kids ass for trying to rape a friend the whole town seen it as it took place at the towns Semi-Pro baseball game. This story is way to long but my point is once news broke out that I was the suspect and in custody it generated a slew of theories.

The investigators had nothing on me except circumstantial evidence, I snuck out. I fought the kid blah blah blah. I looked that guy in the eyes and told him straight up I didn't do it and that even though I hated the kid I wouldn't have killed him.

They had to let me go. So now I'm in the only convenient store and I was told to leave, that I was not welcome in the store. Small town BS. And everyone eyeballed me as I put my stuff back and walked out. This moment led to me being completely black listed.

Even after they cleared my name I had to live with this. Matter of fact me and two other friends every yr on the anniversary of Tys death would get together and run scenarios. This yr we finally made a break in the case but statute of limitations again plagues me.

So what I'm saying here ppl is that when a human is subjected to the evils of other ppl and your innocence is RIPPED AWAY you tend to acquire some mental trauma. How in the Hell was I supposed to make a decent life for myself?

Everyone is constantly telling me that its my fault for allowing them to drag me down. To move on, get over it. Ok I'll try, no premises though as the night terrors only stop if I'm heavily doped up. The bleeding from my rectum is a constant reminder and my abusers....

.....well they like to FB their happy lives, they get to ride new Harleys and open up their own businesses. They run around free from the fear of being prosecuted thanks to a law that no matter what they tell you is a joke. So I hope ppl can learn from me, and see the signs.....

....in their kids, or that this kind of stuff does in fact bring down a slew of mental and physical ailments to a victim. But to hold me guilty like its somehow my fault,yeah I'm not accepting that crap any more. If my child gets taken because I file for disability it will give..

....my abusers even more power over me. I've already lost two kids because I was a,piece of shit so badly that I refused to let them see me. Or heck they could have been hurt because my drug use was so bad. I apologize for these lengthy post. But I'm at my wits end.

I hope to push to change the laws regarding CSA/SRA and I also want to create a info based resource manual for parents on how to help your child not fear telling you that someone is abusing them. Because once its passed the abusers are scott free and more than likely repeating.

If someone could be so kind and unroll this thread for me. I don't know how yall do it but it would be easier to read. Thank you all for everything you have done to keep this guy (me) going. I've forgiven them, I don't quite understand how, and forgiveness does not mean condone.

It just means I am giving it to GOD TO DEAL WITH. But it does hurt to see them smiling and able to enjoy their lives. I enjoy mine too I just have to fight hard to smile sometimes. YAH BLESS and peace be unto you all.