Thread by @minjiiminie

yoonmin au — ch.

jimin doesn’t consider himself a jealous person, he’s sure of himself and he trusts yoongi, but when yoongi’s ex girlfriend visits them during the time she’s in seoul, jimin starts to reflect about yoongi, his own insecurities and about ex partners.

It’s more than fine if Yoongi wants to brag to his ex, because Jimin is not the kind of person to get jealous.

Yes, during high school he would get jealous because he would date older boys that were in college already and he was immature and felt everything more intensely,

And the other few boys he dated during University weren’t really the love of his life, or were any serious relationship like his and Yoongi’s. He's way past that now. So he has a good feeling about this meeting, because Jimin is more mature now and he loves Yoongi.

But the good sensation went away as soon as she arrived to their apartment. Any good feeling about it ran away as soon as she smiled at Jimin and kissed Yoongi's cheek and crouched to pat Holly. All good feeling left him when she sat on their dining table and started talking.

Jimin takes a deep breath when he sees himself in the mirror. He knows Yoongi loves him, Yoongi finds him beautiful, he knows that... but it doesn’t mean he won't feel intimidated by his ex girlfriend.

That’s what he feels right now. He feels intimidated. Best word to put it.

Kaeun is gorgeous, she has a pretty small face, her hands are delicate and she has a gentle smile, she’s slim and a little smaller than him and Yoongi. Jimin can totally understand why Yoongi was attracted to her. And it’s not only that she’s beautiful, she also has a kind face.

Like it’s transparent she’s good, the kind of person you look only once and immediately go like “ah, she must be a good person.” And Yoongi likes that kind of people, Jimin has come to notice.

Also, she knows Yoongi since they were younger and they’ve lived so much together.

Jimin is intimidated by this particular information because he knows he’s beautiful too so it’s not an issue of appearance, and he knows he’s good, he knows Yoongi loves that he’s gentle, and he also knows Yoongi’s hands are on him right now, resting easily on Jimin’s thighs, but

But even then he can’t help but feel something ugly on the pit of his stomach when he sees them talking.

Jimin leans over and pours more wine to his glass. He and Yoongi discussed it beforehand. Jimin knew she was coming over, Yoongi had even asked him if he was okay with it.

And right now, they’re just talking. It’s all very civil. She came over, not even for dinner, only to have some wine and chat. Then why is he so annoyed? If he had recently said he was okay with it?

He’s not jealous though, he doesn’t get jealous. Only insecure people do.

Jimin plays with his glass of wine, twirling it around while they talk about college days. It’s definitely because of that, because he can tell they've lived so much together and because Jimin doesn’t know any of the people they’re talking about, doesn't get the inside jokes.

He feels left out, and it doesn’t help with how invisible he feels between the two. Yoongi tries explaining of course, he always try to make Jimin comfortable, he says “oh he lived in my dorm, oh she was a smart girl,” but Jimin still feels it's a whole life he doesn’t belong in.

Jimin knows Kaeun and Yoongi dated for only two years, which is roughly similar to how long Yoongi and Jimin have been together by now. And Kaeun and Yoongi know each other for more than two years as well, just like Yoongi and Jimin. But he guesses it's still very different.

If he remembers correctly they were friends during the five years of University because Yoongi met her during first year. It’s obvious they were really close, had many friends in common, much more friends that Yoongi and Jimin have now. Went to more parties together, and whatnot.

Yoongi had put ribs in the oven before Kaeun arrived so they could have something small to eat, because he wanted to be a good host and offer more than alcohol. But when the small alarm rings meaning they’re ready, Jimin stands up before Yoongi can even think of doing it himself.

“I’m going to take them out!” Jimin leaves the dinner table to be able to catch a break from them on his own.

“Ah baby, the sauce is next to the microwave,” Yoongi lets him know. Jimin doesn’t bother replying because Kaeun and Yoongi are talking again as soon as Jimin nods.

Their apartment is small and Jimin can hear everything being said on the living room from the kitchen. Kaeun doesn’t know that.

She doesn’t know this old apartments have thin walls, and that’s probably why she lets herself ask, “but I don’t get it Yoon, you’re not gay, right?”

Jimin stays still. Even if Yoongi feels a lot more comfortable with his sexuality it’s still a sensitive topic, especially because little people from his past know.

He listens how Yoongi hums, probably letting her explain herself after radically changing the conversation topic.

“I mean… I get you like men now, you have a boyfriend and everything, but you still like women?”

For some strange reason, Yoongi chuckles. “Wait, I think that's what your question is actually about. You’re curious because you think I liked men while we dated?” Yoongi laughs.

She doesn’t think it’s too funny because she asks bluntly. “Well did you?”

“Kaeun, ah… Maybe I did. I think I wasn’t sure yet. I probably found some attractive but didn’t precisely categorize it as physical attraction,” Yoongi sounds amused by the whole interaction.

“But don’t get me wrong," Yoongi quickly amends. "It’s not like I was thinking of men while I was with you.” Jimin shouldn’t be hearing but he can’t move. “Okay, what do you want to really ask?” Kaeun isn’t talking. “Ah, don’t make that face, Kaeun” Yoongi is laughing though.

“I mean…" her voice lowers but Jimin listens clearly, "did you have sex with me and then you realized you don’t like women at all?”

Yoongi snorts. “It wasn’t that. And I still like women. For real, I do. I just realized I also like men. Not only Jimin, men in general...”

"You still like women?" she repeats.

"Yes," Yoongi agrees. It's silent, Jimin has already poured the sauce on the ribs and if he doesn't walk out they'll get cold.

"I knew you couldn't stop liking women," she laughs dryly. What does that mean? "I knew I didn't date a gay guy."

Why does she care if Yoongi likes women or not? What does it mean that she knew she didn't date a gay man?

A rational side of Jimin tells him that she wonders because she feels like Yoongi’s sexuality is her fault, which is very self centered but a common trail of thought.

However, a small tiny part of Jimin’s brain thinks she cares because she wants to make sure Yoongi is still attracted to women, meaning possibly attracted to her and that small tiny part of Jimin’s brain thinking that is loud and is repeating:

she wants your boyfriend.

Jimin should ignore that ugly thought, but he doesn’t, he can’t and he feels nothing but jealousy. Because of her words, the intentions behind them. He guesses it's jealousy. It seems like jealousy.

But Jimin doesn’t get jealous, he's mature, so it must be something else.

He walks out of the kitchen. “I hope these taste good,” he says loudly, lifting the dish up, he speaks as casually as he can and Yoongi and Kaeun go quiet.

“Yoongi, you cooked those?” she asks.

“I did,” he says proudly.

“Then they must be good.” And Jimin is bothered now.

Laying on Yoongi's chest that night, Jimin remembers her questions. He wonders if the ugly feeling on his stomach had to do with Kaeun being a woman, or with how Yoongi didn't seem bothered by her words, by her invalidation of his sexuality. Jimin is not jealous but he’s… alert.

Jimin decides not to say anything about it because he doesn't want to come off as a jealous boyfriend, and it's not something that big. But it leaves him thinking, he thinks about the conversation they had, about the questions regarding Yoongi's bisexuality. He thinks about it.

Yoongi is reading a book when Jimin gets inside bed. “Can we have sex?” Jimin asks. Yoongi raises an eyebrow, he glasses fall a little on the bridge of his nose

“Umh right now?” Jimin nods. A moment and then Yoongi closes his book, “yeah sure.” and he takes his glasses off.

Jimin doesn’t wait until he’s settled on bed again to surge forward to kiss Yoongi, deeply. “Ah, you’re eager,” Yoongi chuckles between desperate kisses. Jimin nods as fast as he can. “Mmh? What got you like this, baby?” Jimin doesn't really know, he just needs to feel Yoongi.

“We’re seeing Kaeun again tonight?” Jimin repeats what Yoongi says during breakfast.

“Only if it’s okay with you,” Yoongi quickly adds, “I know it’s awkward hanging out with my ex,” Yoongi nods as he speaks. He's cutting fruits, he always makes fruit salad for Jimin on weekends.

“She's visiting Namjoon tonight and he asked me to go.”

“Why did he ask you?” Jimin's mind comes up with situations such as Kaeun asking Namjoon to tell Yoongi to go, he wonders what are her intentions with seeing his boyfriend again even if he doesn’t know the real situation.

“Mmh, well, probably nostalgia,” Yoongi explains, “you know during college we did everything together, the three of us, so I guess Joon wants us to hang out like that again. Since he was in the States so long... ”

“If it’s a university trio kind of thing… then I’m not invited?”

“Minnie,” Yoongi pouts. “I’m taking you, of course.” He remains cutely pouting as he cuts, Jimin can't say no to that.

“Hoseok is going to be there too?”

“Yeah, he will be there,” Yoongi assures him.

“Okay, then I’ll go.” Jimin stands up to receive his fruit bowl from Yoongi.

Jimin puts a lot of effort into looking good. While he puts on his clothes he thinks he’s being a little immature, he realizes he’s trying to compete with Yoongi’s ex girlfriend over who’s the prettiest... He’s not fifteen anymore but he really wants to look better than her.

It’s worth putting effort into it when Yoongi checks him out before going out and pulls him closer to then kiss him rather roughly next to the door. “You look so pretty,” Yoongi says in a low voice, hands holding tight Jimin’s waist.

“Mmh, you like it?” Jimin asks sultrily.

Yoongi nods and as they kiss for a little longer than they should Yoongi’s hands travel from Jimin’s waist to his hips, Yoongi touches him desperately, hands quickly grabbing Jimin’s ass. He guesses the clothes worked just fine. Jimin hopes they work for the rest of the evening.

When they are at Namjoon’s, Jimin quickly notices how it’s a lot better with Namjoon and Hoseok. It’s easier, because conversation drifts faster. Yoongi and Jimin are sitting across Kaeun.

At the moment Namjoon, Yoongi and Kaeun are deep in conversation about Namjoon’s degree.

Jimin tries paying attention to the conversation in case Kaeun drops some hint that she’s trying something with Yoongi, but she never really says anything suspicious. Jimin drinks from his cocktail and joins the conversation only when they bring up something he knows about.

“The key to success is being gay," Namjoon jokes. "Yoongi and I are doing great now." Kaeun laughs. "I always did good in college, and I always knew."

“Bi,” Yoongi quickly corrects. “I’m bisexual.” Kaeun nods at him. It makes Jimin feel weird, he’s reminding her he likes women.

Jimin tries to brush the thought off, he looks away but catches Hoseok staring at him.

At some point Namjoon suggests getting food from the thai restaurant downstairs. “We can call for them to bring something up, they have the best noodles dish you’ll ever try,” he offers.

“No no,” Hoseok stands up with the empty glasses, “don’t call. Why don’t you three go buy the food and bring it up? Jiminie and I will leave you alone so can have your small college experience again,” he teases.

Jimin knows him. He knows he's up to a conversation with Hoseok.

Namjoon seems to like the idea a lot. “That actually sounds good, babe,” Namjoon leaves a small peck on Hoseok's lips and waits for Kaeun and Yoongi to stand up.

Jimin doesn’t actually want Kaeun to be alone with Yoongi (technically with Namjoon too, but it’s the same logic)

“Okay, baby?” Yoongi whispers to Jimin before standing up. He's making sure Jimin is okay with him being alone with his ex girlfriend.

Jimin also wants to be a good boyfriend, “get me something sweet,” he pouts and Yoongi kisses him. In front of Kaeun, so it's a successful move.

Once they’re gone, Jimin lets Hoseok know he’s going outside, because it’s too warm inside the apartment and he really needs to take a deep breath. “Don’t smoke!” Hoseok shouts from the kitchen before Jimin can even think of doing it.

“I won’t!” he assures his friend.

Jimin is drinking in the balcony. He likes this balcony, Yoongi and his apartment doesn't have one. Namjoon’s apartment is nice, because Hoseok picked it for him. Just as he’s thinking of the couple, Hoseok creeps up on him. “You’re so jealous.”

“Wow, is it that obvious?”

Hoseok laughs. “At least not to them, they’re too busy remembering college days… But I’m paying attention to other things… Like you’ve worn gloss and you won’t let go of Yoongi.”

“Shut up.”

Hoseok’s smile is nice even if Jimin is pissed. “Don’t get mad, it's kind of cute.”

“Do you think she has noticed?” Jimin wonders, worried.

“I think she must believe you’re clingy and,” Hoseok searches for the right word, “eccentric, which isn’t so far from reality, right?” Hoseok shrugs. “So nothing too bad.”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “You think you’re funny”

“I am funny!” Hoseok's smile is wide. “It’s the best way to describe you!" Jimin sighs. Then it's silent between them but it's comfortable. “So, what’s the actual problem with her? Apart from being Yoongi’s ex, because I get that. If that were Joonie’s ex, I’d be jealous too.”

“No," Jimin doesn't even get it, "it doesn’t have to be with her being his ex, I’m not like that…” Jimin shakes his head. “It’s more like,” he doesn’t know how to explain but he sighs, and tries. “Two days ago, in our apartment… she asked him if he still liked women…”

Hoseok’s eyes widen a little to then relax as fast. “But that’s not only it… when Yoongi explained he is bisexual she laughed and said she knew all along Yoongi couldn’t be gay, that she knew she hadn’t dated a gay man. What the fuck does that mean.” Jimin scrunches his nose.

“Why is it important that he likes women too?” Jimin sighs.

Hoseok nods slowly, amused expression. “You think she was implying that she’s available if he still likes woman?”

“Maybe… I don’t know,” Jimin bites his lower lip. He tries to think why he feels so intimidated.

“Yeah, I think that’s it," he decides. "I just don’t understand why did she had to make sure he likes women.”

“Really? I think it has to do with her being confused about his sexuality...”

“She probably thinks, I don’t know, that she turned him gay,” Jimin grimaces when he says.

“Remember when Yoongi told us he used to think something has to happen to you for you to turn gay?" Jimin remembers, they had been drinking at Namjoon's when he first got his apartment, Hoseok made Yoongi talk a lot. "I wouldn’t be surprised if his ex thinks similar to that.”

“Even then, who cares? To me, Yoongi is very gay for,” Hoseok teases. Jimin frowns but before he can correct Hoseok, the elder speaks, “I’m using it as an umbrella term. I know he's bi but the point is that Yoongi is very in love with you.”

“I know he is,” Jimin agrees.

Hoseok looks at him and then sighs. “But you still think he… is interested? In her? Because if you’re jealous-”

“I'm not.” Hoseok looks at Jimin with disbelief. “How could he be interested?” Jimin takes another sip from his drink. "He's not... I know he's not, but there's..."

Jimin turns around to face Hoseok. “What I don’t get is why we had to see her twice this week. I don’t know why he keeps repeating he’s bisexual, like he’s reminding her he likes women too. That’s exactly what she wants to hear, because she's dismissing his sexuality.”

“Have you said this to Yoongi?” Hoseok says bluntly, and Jimin has to turn his gaze back to the street. A car passes by, Jimin sighs.

“I don’t want to be an annoying boyfriend. A jealous boyfriend.”

Hoseok smiles gently. "I doubt Yoongi would find your honesty annoying,"

Jimin goes quiet and after a moment of silence Hoseok sighs. “To be honest Jimin, I think it doesn’t have anything to do with Yoongi liking men or women, it doesn’t really have to do anything with her being interested in his sexuality. This isn’t about gender or sexuality at all”

“Then what is it?” Jimin scoffs a little

“I think it’s just basic ex jealousy. You’re uncomfortable because they’re exes. If Yoongi’s ex was a man you’d still feel weird. I'm not saying that what she said about knowing Yoongi's sexuality before he did was okay but that's not it”

“I wouldn't be jealous if his ex was a man, because he would be a gay man that wouldn't pretend to know more about Yoongi's sexuality than Yoongi himself." Hoseok shakes his head. "Everyone says they’re jealous of exes, but I have no problem with that. That isn’t like me.”

“In theory, you think you are not. Now in practice…”

“I don’t get it” Jimin rolls his eyes.

“No one in theory is going to accept they are jealous because that’s admitting insecurities and possessiveness, but in practice… we all must get a tiny bit jealous at some point.”

Jimin remains quiet, he won’t argue with that because it’s probably true, because that's probably his case. Hoseok takes Jimin's drink from his hands to take a long gulp of the alcohol himself. He grimaces and then, “I think… between exes is interesting.”

“What do you mean?”

“I imagined my life with him, had expectations for a life together with him, and even if I don’t feel anything romantic for him anymore, it’s still weird when I cross paths with him on the convenience store. Because of of how everything went down between he and me and Namjoon.”

Jimin nods, he kind of gets it. “That doesn’t mean I love Namjoon any less, because you know I love that idiot so much.” Jimin smiles warmly. “But there’s always a certain pull with your ex… Or at least there is until you’ve reconcile everything that happened between the two."

“On top of that, turns out Yoongi could have never like women at all. Two years of your life gone to waste. Two years in a relationship and turns out the other person didn’t even like your gender… If I were her, for my health, I’d be gripping on that dichotomy bisexuality has.”

“I know we’re closer to thirty than twenty, what are two years in a life, what is a relationship that lasted two years…" Hoseok sighs. "But the sentiment is still there- Now I’m not justifying anything, what she said was shitty... I’m just saying it’s an interesting situation.”

Jimin nods, he tries to understand. “I know Yoongi doesn’t feel anything for her anymore, anything romantic. He did tell me he wanted to show her… how he was better now. And when he told me, I got it, because it’s like… It’s nice showing how good we’re doing,” he explains.

“But,” Hoseok starts slowly. “You haven’t completely get it, otherwise you wouldn’t feel this way.”

Jimin doesn’t know what to say but he doesn’t need to say anything. Namjoon is loud when he walks inside the apartment, he screams “food is here!” just in case. And that's it.

The noodles are delicious like Namjoon promised and Yoongi got him coconut dumplings because "they look like my cheeks, don't they?", so some things are alright. He thinks about Hoseok's words and tries to ignore any ugly feeling.

Jimin remains quiet for the rest of the night.

And he’s quiet on their way home too, he lays on Yoongi’s shoulder on the taxi, deciding to focus on the neon lights on the street, but at some point he and Yoongi catch each other’s eyes through the rear view mirror. He looks away.

After that, Jimin pretends he’s sleeping.

“You’re quiet,” Yoongi comments the obvious when Jimin climbs on the bed.

“I’m just tired,” Jimin says carefully. Yoongi hums in understanding.

He takes his glasses off, drinks a little of water before settling the glass on the bedside table. “Wanna make out for a while?”

Jimin giggles. “Make out?” It sounds cute, almost innocent. Like they’re in high school.

“Mmh, yeah, I’m also tired so don’t think sex is a good idea for either of us right now, but kissing is always nice,” Yoongi smiles widely.

“You’re cute,” Jimin smiles and leans forwards.

They’re kissing, Jimin’s hands on Yoongi’s neck and Yoongi’s hands on Jimin’s waist. It’s a slow kiss, like they have all the time in the world for it. They can stay here and kiss forever. Press their bodies against the other, feel the slide of their lips together. All night.

Jimin thinks that’s a good plan, staying together with Yoongi. He thinks about everything he’s felt this weekend, and he thinks of Yoongi’s hand on his back, supporting him, keeping him close.

He speaks up as soon as their lips detach. “I think I’m jealous,” Jimin admits lowly.

Yoongi takes distance abruptly. “What? Jealous of what?” Yoongi looks taken aback.

Jimin takes a deep breath. This is the conversation he needs to have even if he’s going to feel uncomfortable. He really needs to have it. “Jealous of Kaeun…”

Yoongi blinks. “Really Jimin?”

“I don’t know Yoon,” he quickly interjects. “I know you love me and I trust you…” He doesn’t want to admit any insecurity. “But I have this… ugly feeling on my stomach.”

“What are you jealous of?” Yoongi sounds serious and he's waiting for Jimin’s answer impatiently.

Jimin doesn’t know how to explain it because he hasn’t even pinpointed his main insecurity yet. “I don’t know… I think Kaeun is into you. I got that impression and I didn’t like it.”

Yoongi squints his eyes, like the thought seems impossible to him. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know… I just get that feeling,” Jimin mumbles. He doesn’t want Yoongi to get mad, he doesn’t want to be that insecure annoying boyfriend.

“Well Jimin,” Yoongi says slowly. “I think it’s normal if you’re jealous of my ex, you don’t have to feel comfortable around her.“

“I know for a fact I would be uncomfortable around any of your exes, but you have to know there's no reason to be jealous”

Jimin doesn’t want to be jealous “I don’t really know why I feel this way… I know you wouldn’t cheat on me"

“I wouldn’t,” Yoongi reminds him just in case.

“It’s just-” he sighs. “Why did you kept repeating you are bi? It was almost as if you wanted to remind her you still like women... and she kept asking too, like making sure you still see her as a possibility. And saying she knew you couldn’t like only men, what was that about?”

Yoongi squints his eyes. “Wait, Jiminie, no. It wasn’t like that at all.” He sits up on the bed to talk properly. He crosses his legs and looks down at Jimin. “Baby, she was someone really important in my life and I hadn’t told her I like men too. Never. This is the first time.”

Jimin nods slowly. “And I can't begin to explain how better I feel now.” Yoongi chuckles lowly and Jimin sits up to and holds his hand. “I feel good for saying it out loud, so many times during these past three days.. It’s… I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ll try."

After a beat Yoongi starts, “it somehow felt like being back in college, okay? but as if I had been sure of my sexuality then. And not like I'm dating her again but... it's like I’m with my best friends, and I'm comfortable with who I am, knowing who I am, and it’s fine.”

“Yoongi,” Jimin says slowly, not to stop him but in support.

“It wasn’t the case during college, I hadn’t understood myself yet, but this last days felt like it. Like good old days but better, so it was a nice feeling. I didn’t say it to lead her on or anything.” Jimin nods.

“As for why she was interested on it, I doubt it has anything to do with getting together with me," Yoongi speaks low, Jimin has to get closer to listen to him better. "It's probably because she’s scared.”

“Scared?” Jimin asks bewildered and Yoongi squeezes his hand tigther.

“Knowing you had a two year relationship where your partner never really felt attraction for you? That must be a horrible feeling.” Hoseok and Yoongi have similar thoughts, Jimin remembers. “And, she was also very… like I was, it's a whole difficult concept to grasp on.”

“She was invalidating you, you know? And I’m not saying this a jealous boyfriend with a deluded reality. Didn’t it bother you?”

“Yeah, I know she kind of was. But it’s difficult to get mad at her, like… I know her, I know she doesn’t mean harm, she just doesn’t understand.”

Jimin sighs. "There's no way she could have known if she dated a gay man or not, because you didn't even know it back then. Like, you had your own process, she didn't know all along. That... It made me angry."

"I know," Yoongi agrees. "I know, but..." Jimin looks at his eyes.

"I get what she said so, it was more about protecting herself than... what she honestly thought about me," Yoongi reasons. "And it definitely had nothing to do with wanting to get back with me," he adds quickly. Jimin looks away but Yoongi searches for him, a hand on his jaw.

"She said that two days ago, why are you just telling me now?" he asks, and Jimin lets himself look back at him. Yoongi seems worried, always looking at him intensely.

"I didn't want to sound like a jealous boyfriend, didn't want to be, because no one likes a jealous boyfriend."

“I like you," Yoongi says quickly. "And there's a difference between someone possessive and you having normal feelings. I know you don’t want to be a jealous boyfriend, and I’m going to tell you something you’ve told me a thousand times.” Jimin hides on Yoongi’s neck.

“It’s okay to feel things even if they're ugly sometimes or you think they aren't right, you’re just a little jealous, it’s not making you have less trust on us. You just... it's my ex, I get it.” Jimin pouts “And it’s fine, don't you think it’s all cleared up if you talk to me?"

“I know,” Jimin admits. He looks up to find Yoongi staring at him.

Yoongi lifts both his hands to able to squeeze Jimin's face, he likes doing that a lot. “So talk to me.”

JImin nods quickly and squirms until he's able to lean and kiss him. “I love you.”

“And I love you too.”

💖

they're a cute couple...

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