#FridayMotivation #Marriage

I sometimes get comments asking me when I’m going to marry my partner. This is a personal decision that I don’t *need* to answer, but I’m happy to share part of our logic/reasoning.

It will be a few years. And there are a few specific reasons.
I want to see my partner get out of debt before we marry.

That’s important to me and she’s agreed.

The second piece is that want her to have a small nest egg that is completely hers.

Power dynamics in marriage are important to me. And changing them in a positive direction.
Not that I ever would—but if I ever went off the rails and became toxic or abusive—I want her to have “walk-away” power with me.

Especially as a woman with a disability—I want her to have a few months savings that I don’t control and that aren’t part of our shared assets.
And the same is true for me—I don’t want any kind of relationship where my allegiance is demanded—where someone is in a position of power over me—where they can mistreat, neglect, or ignore me.

I don’t welcome those relationships. When someone is unkind/dismissive of me—I leave.
So even though we both know where we are headed and its super tempting to jump in-these over arching values are driving the train.

Even when a relationship is healthy/happy—it changes the dynamic when both ppl come to the table and have the power to advocate for what they want
And part of that power is economic power. The economic power doesn’t have to be equal. Our assets don’t have to be equal. I don’t believe that 50/50 on everything from housework/earning power/time spent on hobbies/emotional labor

That’s not a realistic ideal in any marriage.
But it is right/good/healthy for people to come together with a basic sense of self/security/power to set a solid foundation.

the “Jerry Maguire”—“You complete me” version of marriage is not healthy. You are already complete. We compliment each other. We inspire each other.
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