So, I am so torn over this....

I, of course, never want to make light that suicide rates are up or that any one is in this (or any) kind of distress.

But, in my little black heart, I am angry with these people & am having touble...


finding the mercy in my heart that I know I am called to have.

A large part of me feels that you'Reap what you Sow'.

Farmers, as a group, have been the single biggest recipients of true #socialism in this country for generations through farm subsidies & programs...

that pay for them to NOT grow certain crops.

The only larger group to benefit from #socialism in this country are the corporations but more on that in another thread.

They traditionally vote in blocks touting #2A, ending "the welfare state" pretending that they are not

even a part of that welfare state, scream about religious freedom for themselves while actively trying to deny the same freedom to others, & rail against the elitist city dwellers or 'elites'

They tend to believe that they are the only patriots in this country & define

#Patriotism only on their terms.

I could go on & on but you get the point.

For years, I COULD feel empathy & mercy for them. I spent many of my young years in the Midwest. Half of my family were farmers until the 80's back during the last big boom of Republicanism &

Reaganomics. I came up during the time of Farm Aid. The days of 'if we go under, you don't eat'. Yada Yada Yada.

But I also remember that it was during this same time that farmers were screaming for help that their 'Savior' Ronald Reagan approved making ketchup count as a

vegetable for school lunch programs. Think about that for a minute...they wanted 'relief; while simultaneous denying kids who received subsidized lunches actual nutrition.

I had a problem with that even back then when I was just a spring chicken. My young mind already knew

that 2+2 did not equal 5. That something was wrong with what I was seeing. It didnt make sense.

My mom was a single mother with an uncooperative ex husband who thought she was getting over by getting child support. We were living in public housing in Akron OH.

She served her country (Army) & was utilizing the benefit she earned to attend college while working menial jobs to feed us.

We had NO money. I mean NO money. My brother even had to be sent to live w/ my grandparents because he out grew his shoes & she could not afford to

replace them. Not even at Goodwill. Needless to say, we were part of the welfare state & were not living high off the hog.

But, I saw my Mom working & going to school. I saw the exhaustion, the tears, the frustration, the painful choices.

I saw that everyone around me was in their own boat. I saw the same look in their eyes.

I also saw the disdain & judgement of the white folks in the area that had decided that everyone living in the complex was 'lazy', 'shifty' or 'criminal'

I learned what those words

were code for & I did not understand. At a deep, fundamental, in my soul level, I did not understand.

The kids I played with were just like me, in the same boat...POOR. Their Moms worked hard (either in or out of the home) just like mine.

I was taught to say Yes, Ma'am, No Ma'am, Please & Thank You to those moms just like my own. & God help me if I had mouthed off to one of them. My mom would have whooped me. Of that I have no absolutely doubt.

This is where we lived in 1974.…
We lived there until the end of 1977 when my mother got her BA & we moved to Knoxville where my mother earned her master's from the University of Tennessee.

The housing in TN was no better but my mom used the system exactly as it was intended. We had affordable shelter

while she worked to get move us 'up' into the lower middle class.
(SIDE NOTE: Upon receiving her master's, my mom went to work for HUD. She worked to give other families the same opportunities that she had literally for the rest of her life).

The entire time this we lived

*that we lived in public housing, politicans & good white rural folks were hollering about welfare abuse, entitlements, blah, blah, was a dull roar.

Then, Ronald Reagan came up w/ his 'Welfare Queen' speech...and it became thunderous...right when my mom started

her career w/ HUD.

The dull roar became thunderous at this point.
The same rural people that
(1) often utilized section 8 for housing
(2) were receiving federal funding not to grow things &
(3) claimed to be good Christian folks decrying the destruction of America

were the very same people that were pounding the drums against their own best interests (ie voting #GOP) devotedly touting the benefits of 'trickle down' economics.

THEN, the 1980s farm crisis hit. All of the sudden, THEY needed economic help. They were the ones that were

in need of help. They were the ones who couldn't afford their homes; who lived with food insecurity. The chickens had come home to roost AGAIN.

(Remember, farm subsidies began in response to the Dust Bowl & grew from there)

Large Corporations bought up small & mid sized

family farms (while still retaining the ability to receive said farm subsidies, btw)

The nation came together, bail out money was provided, the turbulence subsided.....


They did not learn about mercy, compassion, lifting up those in need.

They not only didn't learn anything...they DOUBLED DOWN on the same politicians, religious leaders and way of thinking that got them into the mess to begin with.

Until we reached the inevitable appearance of a DJT.

They slowly drank the kool aid because they were busy worrying about themselves only until the point 2015 when they started gulping it down like it was the only water in the desert.

AND NOW, after all that I have seen

I am left feeling like an a$$hole because I am not in the mood to feel empathy for the farmers that my own family were until my Mom's generation.

I am the beneficiary of the 'socialist' policies that these people have fought & I have been very fortunate.

I have watched my mom's family move off the farm, become a generation of successful blue collar workers to find economic prosperity & watched the next generation get screwed by the same #GOP policies that have screwed Americans for generations.

And now, I am watching the cycle start over again...with the addition children in cages, black/brown people being killed by our militarized police, listening to Mitch McConnell rail against 'entitlements' & watching the Russians walk right up to the front door of my

White House like they own the place.

So, while I feel some empathy for the 'farmers' (who, btw, aren't the ones that are going to receive the bulk of this bail out) who are in dire straits.

AND I feel tremendous worry for children that are being affected by this....

I find it hard to get past 'YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW'.

I am finding it hard to CARE about their plight.

In my heart I know that many of these people are going to vote for the DJT again in 2020. That they are going to continue to tow the #GOP party line no matter the damage to

our republic.

I am TIRED of this.

I am tired of people only caring when it affects them economically.

& I am ANGRY.

So, there is the crux of it all. I am angry at all that has been condoned, if not applauded, by people that have allowed this to happen to us.

I don't want to help them.

I know I should. I know I should want to. I know that at any other point in my life, I would care.

I would want to help. I would feel it was my duty to help others; to help my fellow citizens.

But, as I said at the beginning, I am torn. I waffle between caring, apathy & anger

AND that makes me wonder about whether or not this is the true legacy of DJT.

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